Am a complete wet blanket?!

I have recently lost my Dad.
I am 36 and this was not unexpected, he had been terminally ill for 8 years and had dodged death two times before he passed in Jan 2022.
It was not a normal father daughter relationship and there are very mixed emotions about his passing.
I find myself feeling weak and silly for being as impacted as I am and feel I should be stronger and more able than I find myself currently.
I feel very alone in that and feel I can’t really tell those close how I feel.
I am a people pleaser and usually look after others and struggle when I’m in this place and can’t.
I also feel a great deal of guilt that I can’t work currently - I work in mental health and don’t have the resilience/tolerance to support others at this time.
I know, reading this, exactly what I would say to others who were saying such things about themselves when going through a grieving process, but I just can’t deal with the fact that there is no “normal” in this and that I am processing this so differently to my siblings for example.
I know I am someone who feels deeply and I know dealing with much of this now (with time and space to do so) will probably be a positive in the long run - but why are others back on their feet and cracking on far better?
It’s worth mentioning that I am also having therapy for this so seeking out further support on here also feels very self indulgent, but hay ho, I’ve found myself here, I’ve found myself typing, I feel very self conscious, but this is happening.

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Well done for being so strong. You have similar to me.

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Thank you! And very sorry for your loss also.

Hi I lost mymum last march I’m still struggling to comprehend that she is no longer here it really does take time I couldn’t work for two months and I look at people getting on with there life’s and think how can they but our loved ones would want us to carry on they will always be in our heart and the love for them never goes away I talk about my mum all the time that keeps her alive in my heart it does get better but the pain of loss is always there xxx