I lost my husband last September less than 2 months after his diagnosis, we’d been together for nearly 40 years.
I have found the recent nice weather really hard as I keep thinking that we would be looking to find somewhere nice to go and sit in it - a pub garden or a park. And it does not seem right to be a nice day - it should be grey and rainy, to match the way I feel.
Every time I see a couple strolling along hand in hand it is like a knife to the heart and I think that should be us.
I hear friends and family discussing their plans or holidays and I find I feel a bit resentful that their lives are carrying on the same when mine has been devastated.
They are good about being there for me to chat to but then they get to go back to their other halves. I find it really hard that they still have their “people” be it a partner or kids and I have no-one at all now. I wouldn’t want them to go through what I am but do find that hard.
Then I feel guilty like it makes me a bad person to feel like this. Did anyone else feel like that at all - not quite resentful but know what I mean?
It’s hard, i did Alnwick Gardens yesterday as the cherry blossom is out. Sue loved it, they were a lot of couples out as you expect. I want people to be happy, but part of me wanted to say to them. Make the most of this enjoy yourselves take pictures of each other. I managed to walk round crying got the bus home. I felt totally exhausted and upset knowing i will never have that again.
I feel for you. You were so brave to go to somewhere you loved and did Sue proud.
I am the same missing what we used to do. At a place like by the river in Henley, I find a bench, preferably, in the sun this time of year for the warmth, sit down, close my eyes and go back imagining Elizabeth is there with me and she almost is. Trouble is that it can bring a tear to your eye.
@Gill12
Yes I feel exactly the same as youve described, i could have written it myself.
Im 60 and lost Allan to cancer in 11 weeks last June.None of my friends have lost their partners or Husbands, so its hard to explain to them these thoughts.
Sending hugs
I feel the same about the sunny weather as we would make the most of it with days out and I miss that so much it actually hurts. I’m trying to pluck up the courage to visit places on my own but always bottle it at the last minute. On the one hand it’s painful to see the sunshine bringing out couples strolling hand in hand, but on the other hand I loathe grey rainy days as I feel trapped without hope. It frightens me that this is never going to change.
I know what you mean, im a year on and have to listen to friends talking about holiday plans and how busy they are and all the places theyve been …i just want to tell them to shut up but i dont , i just say thats nice.
I think it is just a natural reaction, you are not being mean, I certainly feel like that, I well up when I see older couples still together, but it doesn’t mean I begrudge them for having each other, it’s just the fact that I miss Mark intensely, and at 58, I imagined many more years together.
Don’t be hard on yourself , take care xx
Gill 12 I feel the same resentment when I see couples together. I know they deserve their happiness and also feel guilty feeling like this, but I want and need my husband’s hand in mine x
I echo that, I miss Marks cuddles and the comfort of being with him
Sending my love xx
It is really hard seeing others but we have to be happy for them at the same time.
We had our loved one for either a long time or in my case just 2 n half years, much too short…but we made the memories we all have now.
With love comes grief for the other whoever goes first and that’s what we are all going through now.
I always remember me n John walking on a beach in Northumberland and it was sunny but very very windy and an elderly couple at least in their late 80s were battling down the beach to the sea hand in hand and I thought ‘ I wonder how many times they’ve done that ‘. It made me smile and I wish with all my heart that me and John would’ve got to that age together but we didn’t.
I wonder if that couple are still battling down that beach…
I feel exactly the same.
@Flints
I agree completely, one of the hardest things I have found is just how much I miss John’s cuddles & hugs. He gave the best hugs every date and they made anything seem a little better. He even managed to still hug me with one arm after his stroke.
After a couple of months I thought I was going crazy as I miss those touches so much it physically hurts. Then I looked it up and found out that I’m not imagining it and “touch starved” is a real thing.
So I do grab any hugs going whenever I see a friend or relative, of course it’s not the same as from John but it helps a tiny bit.
Sending you virtual hugs
I’m the same after nearly 3 years without my husband of 54 years. Just sheer anguish seeing couples even in the shops together and wherever i go where we have been together brings a total bereft feeling and sorrow. it’s awful.
I feel exactly the same . Neil and I always held hands and I admit to feeling envious of seeing couples .
I feel so alone .Find it hard to wash ,eat, go out.
Sending loving thoughts to everyone x