Lost my Nanny who I was very close too, in fact she was one of My favourite people.
But, I hardly cried, in fact I could count on my hand the amount of time I’ve cried since her death. I’ve just sort of got on with life. I don’t know whether having a toddler helped me get on with things. In fact as the year has gone on , I’ve thought about it all more and more and when I think for too long about the last week of her life my mind just won’t let me go there, it’s just it’s too much and I think about something else or carry on with what I’m doing. But still not tears?
Her death cane about very soon shortly after diagnosis, we didn’t have time to say goodbye properly, didn’t have much time to spoil her etc etc
I have a lot of anger isn’t uo towards other family members as well since her death. I felt it was unfair she went first and the way she felt close to her death due to family issues. Just infuriates me and makes me feel so sad for her knowing nothing can be done to change that . Maybe all this anger is stopping me from grieving properly. Still haven’t got a burial site for her as well which I Find odd on my Grandfathers part, but then again, no one knows what is going on in his mind!! He looks all frail too, and I’m worried about him as well. 
Hahibihk87,
When I lost my Dad twenty years ago I hardly cried except in the first couple of days. I was still grieving, but tears would not come. The tears felt frozen inside. Looking back I wonder if I was just trying to remain strong. Even though I did not cry I was grieving and sad at the loss.
There is no one way to grieve.
That’s it Daffy. There are no set rules or methods in this awful business. Everyone is individual and will cope in their own way. But if anyone tries to block emotions to ‘look strong’ they make a mistake. Emotions must be allowed full rein. It’s Nature’s way of dealing with stress. It may be, as with me, that there was a kind of pause between the hectic business of sorting paperwork before we begin to grieve properly. We may think, in the beginning, that it will never end. But as time passes it does ease. It’s nearly two years since my wife died and I still have bad days. But I accept that will be so for the future. We can never ever forget, but time does soften the blow.
Take care. John.