So mum died suddendly and unexpectedly 5 months ago. Initially i was just experiencing anxiety but then as time passed the grief hit. Im currently selling her house and clearing her stuff which is obviously really difficult. I talk about her a lot, i know she is dead. I also dream about her a lot. I dreamt a few nights ago that she was alive, there had been a mistake, and we were trying to get her house and things back. And then i woke up and felt terrible all over again. Since then even thinking about her and what happened stops me in my tracks like a punch to the gut. Its like im back to the start again. Has anyone else experienced this?
3 Likes
Hi @Loubeelou ,
I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts, but I just wanted to say thank you for so bravely sharing this with us. Keep reaching out,
Alex
Hiya
I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mum. You have got a big job on your hands organising the sale and packing everything up. That must be so hard for you.
I, all the time talk to my Mum, I’ve even started to playfully argue with her like we did when she was alive. I find it a comfort She died 40 weeks ago. I also did think for a time that Mum was still alive. or maybe I told myself that, coz that way she would be coming back in thru the door. I haven’t had any dreams yet but my Sister did when she lost her husband and had the same as you waking up and for a nano second thinking it’s not a dream but it was a dream after all.
It’s all come back ñħn no because grief is not a linear thing and we can move forward/go back for a while, even in one day it’s not till we have done the “grief work” that do we get to resolution. And it will take as long as it needs to for each of us on here.
Please look after yourself.
Xx
I had this dream almost identical. I woke up, just feeling even more lost. Because dreams can feel so so real and for the first few moments I almost had to figure which was reality, my mum died around 4 months ago now. I really do understand. I remember this dream and I remember how I felt and it was awful. I’m sending you so so much love and support and you can message me back if you need someone to talk to, I will try my best.
Thank you for the reply @Betty03. It really does help to know others have experienced the same things and it is part of the process. Ive just found it hard for the last few days to think about her dying and being dead. Its so painful that as soon as i start to feel it, i block it and step back. Im not sure what to do now
Hi @Loubeelou
So sorry for your loss 
The dreams are a perfectly normal part of grieving for a loved one.
The science says there are 5 stages of grief but you don’t move through them in a linear way. You can dip in & out of stages at any time.
I totally understand your difficulties in dealing with your Mum’s estate, house etc.
I have been doing this for my late Father and it’s not easy,
Be kind to yourself, I used to do a couple of hours of sorting on my Dad’s estate. Then draw a line in it for the day and try and do something for myself - self care, going for a walk, meeting someone for a coffee etc, doing a Jigsaw, reading a book etc.
Take care
1 Like
It’s beautiful you dream about her… she could still be by your side 
I watched my Mum pass away, I was by her side. At the moment I’m looking at her picture and my head is saying. “Where are you Mum? Where have you gone?”
This week its denial.
Next week its acceptance.
Then it’s denial again.
It’s a crazy ride this grief thing. There’s no right or wrong way to feel.
Take care of yourself.
1 Like
Yes you have totally hit the nail on the head, it does change frequently. Its a journey i guess we all wish we werent on
1 Like
Hi
Yes im the same. My mum passed last November. Sometimes, I have acceptance. Other times, Im asking. Where are you, mum?
Its totally altered my life im trying my best to carry on for my family.
Lots of love to you all. Xx
1 Like
I can identify. I dream both about my mum and dad a lot. Im struggling with them and their house being gone. I miss it so much. I would go down every second day to their house. I feel lost without their support and empty and not sure what my purpose is. I turned 60 this year so first summer not spent in their garden. I dreamt the other night I was telling Dad we had to paint the house next year. I hear the new owners are putting on a big extension. It breaks my heart the house will be gutted but the grief is letting it go. Im afraid to let it go because I feel rudderless…so I try to keep in the moment, breathe, be gentle, let go of the fear and take it a day at a time. This too shall pass
Hello Fiona
I’m sorry you don’t have your Mum and Dad nor their home anymore. I can completely relate to your feeling “rudderless”. I feel that too. However, I’m the complete opposite about their home. I cannot even walk past it I go out of my way to avoid it. Although all on here we are united in grief, we all handle it differently. It’s been 11 months since my Mum died d and I cannot even look at photos of her except the one I have on my mantelpiece. She is at my Niece’s wedding in her finery and looks so happy.
Take care
Xx
1 Like