My soul mate, best friend and world of nearly 22 years passed away on the 25th October 2023. She’s been unwell for the last 9 years with complex medical conditions and I was also her carer. But the last 2 years have been the worst. She battled so very hard through some horrendous times and always managed to scrape through. So when I took her into hospital on the Friday I never ever thought that I wouldn’t be bringing her home again.
Her kidney function began to fail and there was no hope of her receiving dialysis because she’d become to unwell to receive it. I was told this on the Sunday and basically, it was kinder to let her pass. I sat with her until the end.
I am now lost. She was my whole world. There was only ever 3 places I was, home work or the hospital. We did everything together and now she’s not here I have no idea what to do with myself.
I don’t think I’m even grieving properly as I have not really cried as much as I thought I would. I lost.
Sorry for rambling on xx
So sorry for your loss … keep sharing on here and read the posts because theres some great advice - they will help you xxx
Thank you for your reply. I have read some of the posts here and do find them helpful.
I am 46 and thinking of a lifetime ahead without her is just unimaginable 
You are very early days ! Be kind to yourself. Its so very very difficult at the beginning to see the wood for the trees. It does get easier with time but we have to go through the grieving process. Have you considered bereavment counselling ? Also i highly recommend a book called languages of loss by sasha bates. Its about grief and it may help you ? Xxx
Hi, thank you
I’m trying to be kind to myself, but I really don’t know what to do with myself.
I’m my head I’m screaming, but nothing comes out.
I know it’s early days yet and I have to “go through the motions” but this is very different from when I lost my parents within a year of each other a couple of years ago.
Maybe counselling would help. I really don’t know.
I will have a look at the book you suggested as well.
Thank you for taking the time to read my posts xxx
Yes it really is worse thsn anything we have experienced isnt it. Hope i helped u a bit. And try and scream if you can … let it out ! X
@Dee123 its early days and you will be in shock.
I’m just at 7 weeks, and I haven’t got over the shock yet. He went into hospital on Friday to get some blood levels sorted and died on Wednesday.
If you’re rambling then we all do. Talking or chatting to people who know what we feel like helps. This forum helps me no end, I have a chat every night before bed.
Take care.