Am I wrong to want to move away I lost my partner Sharon last September after a short illness, I live in the north east of England but am thinking of relocating as everything reminds me of her.
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Hi Jason,
I think you have a couple of choices.You say everything reminds you of Sharon.Is it in your home that makes you feel like that mostly or is the area you live,or,both.
I understand that you will probably feel overwhelmed Do you have close friends and family in the area and if you do do you want to stay at a short distance from them or further away.
I am in a similar situation.We have lived in our home for forty years.
I lost my husband suddenly and very unexpectedly in January this year.I loved our home and garden and we have very special memories.Everything reminds me of Malcolm.I don’t feel I have a home without Malcolm but he loved living here.
My problems are maintaining the garden which is far too large for me and it is not neat,tidy and weed free,so I feel as though I have let him down.
My main problem though is that I live in a rural area and buses are every 90minutes.There is one shop,no Post Office just countryside.I feel lost and isolated and I would love just to be able to go out,look around shops and not have to shop online.
I don’t drive and don’t have the best of health.
If I were you I would just sit and think of what I want in my life from now on.If you like the area maybe you could change your home to reflect your personality and tastes but still keep the momentos that remind you of happy times.
I think sometimes if you want to make big changes such as moving you might regret it.
Make lists of all the pros and cons.preferably when you are in different moods.Make a list when you may be feeling low and lonely.When you are feeling rested and your mood is better write another one,then compare the two.
Have you friends and family you can discuss it with?
To answer the question “Am I wrong to want to move away”
My answer is absolutely not,it is your life and like all of us you don’t feel you can carry on with your life the way you want and because it unfortunately doesn’t include Sharon in the physical sense it will certainly include her, in a more spiritual sense she would hope you felt able to make the changes small or large to enable you to live the best life you can.
Take care Jason,sending love your way(we all deserve plenty of that)/x
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Hello @Jason70
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband coming up 12 months ago.
My gut reaction when I read your post was that it is still very early days for you. I can remember reading somewhere not to make any major decisions too soon following a bereavement as, as we all know on this forum, our heads are ‘all over the place’ whilst grieving. I would suggest you park the idea for at least 6 months and then review again. If you move, you will still be taking all your grief with you, unfortunately you don’t get to leave that behind and you will be without your current support network.
I can understand your desire to move as it’s so hard having constant reminders. I would have flashbacks and could recall conversations I’d had with my husband the first time I had to go to that place as a widow. I still avoid certain places as I just can’t face it.
These are only my thoughts & we are all different, you must do what you feel is best for you…none of it is easy, but it is all still very raw for you so take your time.
Take care going forward. x
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Sorry @Jason70, I may have misread your post…you say you lost Sharon 'last September ', I took that as being Sept 2022, but guess you could mean Sept 2021? Apologies.
Jason do be careful as this is a tricky subject. I know people that have moved and deeply regretted their decision as ‘all is not greener on the other side of the fence’. I know of one lady that is desperately trying to resell her new home to return to familier surroundings.
As for my experience. I was once asking the same question as you. I had made no secret to my husband that I wanted to move from this house but he was born in this town and we never did get to move. When he died I thought I was free at last to sell up and like you I thought there was too many reminders.
I did wait a few months and prepared my house for selling and started to look for another property but when push came to shove I found I couldn’t do it. Something was holding me back. I was living in an area that had become familier, good bus service, shops etc etc. Although I didn’t have close friends there was always someone to chat to and I had allotments in this town that helped me a great deal with people that knew me.
I love gardening but our own garden became more of a chore as there was so many memories of us working together but then along came lockdown and I managed to sit on the patio and gradually the garden became of interest again. Now I am thankful I didn’t up and go. I now have my memories to hang onto and we can’t run away from those they will follow us wherever we go. So do be clear on your reasons for wanting to move and its not to just run away.
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