Amongst the tears the smiles and laughter...

Yesterday afternoon on the tv I just caught the tail end of Songs of Praise…Amongst my tears of crying over Richard came laughter, why? because I haven’t got a great singing voice, or so my daughter, and Richard would agree with with so…just for my fun and amusement I would call Richard in to come sit with me while I sang the words that writing would come up on the screen, well this caused amusement when Richard would laugh and decline my offer, so I sang out loud all the same, whether he came in or stayed doing whatever he was doing in the kitchen, he could always hear me just sometimes stayed out of the room…Just remembering this brings back the humour and fun, even if it was my wicked humour having a bit of fun and pleasure at my Richards expense…Well yesterday brought back those not so long memories…Only this time I didn’t sing just smiled to myself…followed by some tears…Just one of the simple things in life we-I took for granted, never thought the day would soon come that would end it…

Jackie…

Jackie…

Dear Jackie

My Gary made me so paranoid about how bad my singing voice was - I never even sang along to the radio. I know the smile was followed by tears -but is was a smile -so your Richard would be pleased to see that.
Take care
Trisha x

I was brought up in that era when we went to Sunday school and the big church on every 4th Sunday, I love all the hymns and I too used to sing along to the words, my husband laughed too, he knew them but never sang along, I’m not religious, but the songs are so powerful and do mean a lot to me. We never had a funeral my husband didn’t want it, we had a direct cremation, and are going to have a family BBQ to celebrate his life. He loved the hymn can’t remember the title but some of the words are 'Bring me bow of burning gold, bring me my chariot of desire ’ walk upon England Mountains Green . I will have to google it. He used to sing that. So powerful.

Gary was not religious and hated funerals and the hoo ha that goes with it. We have therefore opted for the most simple of ceremonies. We will celebrate his life afterwards and I am hoping some of his former bandmates will bring their guitars - it will make me cry but it is what he would have wanted.
And no I will not be singing!
Thank you to all for this forum - these messages mean so much.
xx

Jerusalem by Richard Blake…This also is bringing back the memories of during our earlier days when Richard and I went to a few open-air classical ( Night of the Proms ) concerts…we would take fold-up chairs, a picnic lunch, and a lighted candle lantern to find our way back to the car…
Cannily, one place that held one was the Garden of the Rose, same place we went to on the Sunday afternoon that we first met…All this now seems so far away in the distance, just a memory never to be repeated again…Oh to go back to those days…

Jackie…

Hi Jackie. That is such an uplifting post. You are in pain but can still smile even laugh. My wife had a sense of humour and was able to laugh at herself even to the last. That is a wonderful gift if we can do that. I have found that at the beginning of bereavement so many come to my door and sympathise, but of late so many have dropped away. It may be because they wonder how they would cope come the time. I can still get in touch but I have to do it. Fortunately I have close friends and neighbours to help me through this difficult time.
But when I look back, which perhaps I shouldn’t, it occurs to me that I also did that. Talking to someone in grief can be distressing for some people and I fully understand that. What do you say? what words do you use? That’s why this site is so good, we all know because we are all there with a common bond. Neither did I imagine I would be on this website. We just don’t know what’s around the corner. I feel living day by day, even hour by hour helps. Looking back hurts, looking forward can be painful. Just to be in the moment! But how difficult. Blessings.

Hi Jackie, it’s nice to think of the happier times you both had together. I too was telling a friend yesterday about I always wanted a Russian doll. Don’t know why! So he decided to get me one, but he was a bit confused about them and he thought their display was one doll and the others fitted inside, so he ended up buying about ten of them! He was too embarrassed to say he made a mistake. Bless him. My friend said it was nice to see me smile about it. It may have been mad but I bought some roses for my birthday from Simon and I’ve got them by his picture. He loved to buy be flowers. It just made me feel he is still around. Thinking of you Jackie. Janet xx

Hi Jackie, I did have to smile at your post because I was thinking along the same lines this morning. When my lovely husband George was in the chapel of rest I spent a lot of time there sitting beside him and holding his hand. To break up the quietness, I made a play list and used to sing along to it. We too liked Songs of Praise and some of the songs I chose as part of the play list were hymns. I used to smile thinking that George was probably sitting up in heaven thinking ‘really, I cannot even escape her singing in the chapel of rest’!! Another thought that made me smile was the night before George died his arms looked dry. There was a pot of nivea to hand so I was rubbing some in his arms. He was obviously very poorly and looked at me and said will you stop rubbing my arms and rolled his eyes, which initially upset me but I soon got over it. When he was in the Chapel of Rest I thought his face looked dry and the next day I took along the pot of nivea to cream his face. Big mistake because it would not rub in. There was a camera in the Chapel of Rest and I can imagine both George ad the undertakers probably having a giggle as I tried to a) get the cream to rub in and then b) trying to frantically rub it off with some tissues. I know George would have thought it so typical of me and that in itself makes me smile. I hope I have not offended anybody by telling this story but in times of sadness there has to be some humour as well. It is what our loved ones would want. Take care xx

Hi Jano, I bought myself some red roses on Valentines day from George. Funny thing was I always told him not to buy them for me on Valentine’s day because they were always more expensive. I also still sent George a card. You have to do whatever feels right for you. Take care Debbie xx

Just this minute been peeling beetroot in the kitchen whilst I am talking to Richard asking him if he remembers when i bought a wooden raised bed for the back garden and planted our first salad vegetable seeds, the first year we done kn for spring onions and radishes but not so well thereafter when I bought another wooden raised bed to go on-top, think it was more in the shade and more hidden from the sun which passed overhead mid day shaded by the trees…Well my mind started to wonder a tad over wooden the raised bed as I was telling Richard we left all that behind when we moved here 3 years ago along with a concrete bench and a concrete statue which I thoroughly regretted, then my mind started wondering to the fact once we had moved that one or two companies both of us had forgotten to notify when we place an online order so it went astray to our old address never to be seen again…The reason I found myself smiling, giggling is it was me first after I had ordered shampoo and conditioner and Richard thought I should have checked I had updated my new address so can you guess what happened? it wasn’t long afterwards that Richard had placed an order with a company, ordering himself some men’s underpants, well you guessed it, they too went to our old address, we never saw them again either as the house had been bought for renting…To say this gave us a laugh at the time as I was picturing someone using my shampoo and conditioner but picturing some stranger wearing Richards brand new pairs of underpants just had me in stitches, Richard saw the funny side too…Well between us we had given the new tenants a few ££s of our money, just hope they got some enjoyment from our stuff…

Jackie…

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Oh Debra, hope you didn’t get caught on Candid camera, do you remember that tv programme?
Oh yes, I could just imagine my Richard saying these words if I started to sing, " cant a man have any peace…"

Hi Jackie, yes I do remember Candid camera. It could very well have been one of those moments. I certainly hope George had a smile at me and as distraught as I was I could still see the funny side. I remember not long after I brought his casket home with his ashes I was sitting beside it telling George a long tale of woe and stroking it as I talked and I could almost hear him say ‘will you stop stroking me I am not a cat’. I found myself saying ‘oh sorry’ and then carrying on talking. No George it not getting any peace in heaven, I will carry on singing and talking to him every day, he is not escaping that easily xx

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When Brian came to his last days I was massaging his body with Aromatherapy oils on a regular basis. Along with washing him, changing etc. He wasn’t awake much of the time but he did open his eyes on one occasion and said "Your nothing but a blxxxy nuisance. I’m not sure if he knew who I was though but it did make me smile at the time.

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Oh Pat…
…we might laugh over these but what we would give to hear these words again…even if we were a pain…

You bet Jackie. Brian would never have spoken to me like that normally as he was so caring. That is why it made me laugh. I think he just knew that everytime he woke up someone was messing about with him.

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