And out if nowhere it hits me again

Oh god I think I’m OK pottering on, I think I’m manageing to not think about things, not visit those awfull weeks, when I’d to watch my sister die, I think I’m moveing through the greif and then I’m suddenly right back at the beginning. Out of nowhere I’m crying my heart out, the pain as raw, as those first moments and days.

The why, whys?
Maybe it’s because mothers days comeing and my sister should have been here, it’ll be my neices first mother’s, day without her mum, she’s only 21,my sister was just 50.

Todays,a bad day.
I don’t think I’m done with the bad days just yet.


Hi Paula, the pain, the rawness and the total bewilderment of what has happened is very hard to deal with. You are not going potty, I think everyone on this site will agree with me but we all think like you do. The tears and what ifs and the sadness shows just how much we loved and cared for that special person, they do say it’s the price we have to pay for that love. The days do get better and the tears less but she will always be part of you. Mother’s Day will be hard and I know you will put on that brave face and then feel proud of yourself for holding on until there’s no one to see, it’s something we all do. Please take care and think of better days ahead. Blessings to you and your nieces. S xx

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3 steps forward 2 steps back! I’m hearing you!
Mum passed in Oct and she was my everything
I think I’ve ‘coped’ well then bang I’m crying in my car, in the shower and just a mess
Then a day or 2 after I’m ‘fine’
I’ve never experienced anything like this ever! And just hope it gets easier
I try to think of the good times but end up crying so now I try to not think which is probably worse
Grief is awful but also so individual to us all

It’s so hard :disappointed_relieved:

Thankyou both for replying and sharing you’re fealing also.

I had one hell of a headache after my crying session. I got a, shower ate some chocalate and got back on the get on with life train again… Until the next time.

On the positive each next time is getting further away.

Its my sisters memorial on the 26 April, the first one. Dreading it.

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You are right, grieving is hard and from my own experience I had no idea of what it’s like and I now know that I am not the only one to have no idea. Yes, it does get better but never leaves you, that’s what I am told and so far it’s right. It’s nice to be able to read other peoples post saying how they are because then you know it’s ok to feel horrible. We just have to keep going and take each day, one at a time, baby steps.
Blessings to you both. xx

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Hi Paula-I can relate to those “Grief Attacks.” This last year, I found myself with too much idle time after losing my job due to the pandemic. The sudden long days of lock down isolation, brought all of the grief flooding back. Everything I ran from whilst working long hours, was now coming back to haunt me. I was back to square one. I am working again, but not as many hours. I still re-live every moment of my precious Sister’s death. Yes, Mother’s day too. Before my Mum’s death in 2012,my little Sister & I always celebrated that day with her. Now I shall be mourning them both on that day. The “bad” days will come Paula, because there will always be triggers & reminders. I admit, since the horrific day my Sister died, I have never felt any peace. My thoughts will be with you on 26 April. Losing our Sisters is losing a part of ourselves. I share in the wrenching pain of this type of loss. Take care. Xxx Another Sad Sister

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Sister 2
I understand every word, every fealing you’ve had or haveing.

I was writing my mum mother’s day card and found myself in tears because last year my sister even though dieing was here and I sorted the cards and wrote them for her because she was unable to do so.

Yes we’ve lost a piece of ourselves. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever get over her death so relatively young and sudden. I tried to come of my anti ds but the panic attacks, are back so I guess I can’t just yet.