My Dad passed away about 8 months ago. We were extremely close, despite living miles apart we spoke on the phone every day for hours and regularly had day trips to London and took holidays together. I was his only child and he regularly described me as the most important thing in his life. Of course I miss him terribly and I understand grief has many aspects but the anger I have towards my own family, his siblings is the aspect that resonates with me the most…
My Dad had a brother and 2 sisters. They never took any interest in my Dad’s life or mine. It was rare to get a phone call or a Christmas card. When Dad was diagnosed with a terminal illness they all appeared. They all took a great deal of interest in my Dad’s things and started asking what was worth money, criticised all the care arrangements and regularly messaged me to either criticise or ask inappropriate questions. On a couple of occasions I caught them poking through Dads house. They regularly turned up unannounced, regardless of whether this interferred with my Dads wishes or medical arrangements/appointments. They asked to be paid back for things they had bought for Dad which we believed had been given as gifts.
When Dad passed away I arranged and paid for his memorial single handedly…as opposed to offering me emotional or financial support they criticised the venue, the location and said my speech was too long. My uncle had the audacity to stand up after me and basically do a less good version of my own speech! He also thanked my cousin for caring for my Dad - she took him to the hospital once and visited one evening to watch a film, whereas I had taken weeks off work and spent hours, every day for a year dealing with the nurses, Drs, medication and transport on his behalf.
For my own mental health I have pretty much broken off contact with my family because of their treatment of me and my Dad. But I cannot shake the anger I feel over the situation. These people who barely knew or spoke to my Dad are now going round telling people how much they cared for him and how close they were…they couldn’t even tell you his middle name or dietary requirements.
I apologise for this long post but I was wondering if anyone else out there had experienced something similar with family? Or if anyone had any experience with trying to alleviate anger?
Thank you so much if you have read this far