My husbands favourite saying ‘trust me I’m a fisherman’ well he had bits & bobs and spare parts for everything, there in lies the problem. We had a motorhome, his van & his shed, the task of sorting through everything is so overwhelming, he was like a magpie, after about half n hour /40 mins I say loudly to myself ’ why have you left me to deal with all this stuff? I just cry and get angry & have to go back into the house for sanctuary.
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Autumnchild57
It’s too much isn’t it especially when grieving . We don’t live our lives thinking about the trail of possessions we accumulate and what that means for the one remaining .
My husbands new shed full of all kinds of tools he never got to use ! I have no clue what they are for and will never use it all.
Reach out to others , can you get help from someone who goes fishing and has an interest in these things your finding so hard ?
Take your time and remember to breathe . Our husbands weren’t living their lives thinking our wives will be sorting this lot out were they. My husband was 58yrs can I ask you yours?
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It’s not the possessions , I am now the only parent to our 2 kids , even though they are 23 & 18 they still need help and advice , my daughters in college and should be taking her a levels next month , her heads in no position to revise / do herself justice ( v clever and predicted fantastic grades , due to her incredible work/study ethic ) so I am having to appeal to exam boards etc re her options . All the things they went to their mum for now fall to me , when all I want to do is cry and count down the hours till I can go to bed .
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He was 64 and died of liver cancer, we found out on 22 December 2023 and he passed away on 13 January this year. I have asked 2 of his nephews if they would like to have a look and take anything they need as they don’t have much money, or I was thinking of a charity something like ‘help for heroes’ where the guys suffering from PTSD are introduced to fishing.
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Autumnchild57
They are all good ideas try to take some of the weight off your shoulders . Sorry for your loss a short time to say goodbye .
When my husbands treatment was stopped for lymphoma cancer we had a few weeks .
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Thank you x
@Autumnchild57 my partner was also a magpie , a mechanic, motorbike rider, shooter, parrot breeder with several aviaries, and he loved tools and fixing things. He also had several cars that were waiting to be restored or put back on the road. It’s hard sorting through all of his things. I just go slowly in little steps. It took him years to accumulate everything he had so I can’t clear it quickly. It’s also emotionally extremely hard as many things you pick up bring memories flooding back and this can be overwhelming for me and I cry to think he was the last person to touch the item and what it meant to him. I also find it upsetting letting things go. Yesterday I said goodbye to one of his cars that I had sold. It left me feeling very sad that another part of him has gone. I know all this stuff has to go. I have no children so I need to declutter everything as much as I can and make my life easier to manage now I’m alone. My partner died suddenly aged 54. He would not have wanted to leave me with all the worry of this, i think he would have said sell what you can and get yourself some money but it’s going to be a long process doing it. Good luck x
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So sorry for your loss also. I totally understand all what you have said and that’s how I’m going to do it bit by bit. Take care x
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I’m in the same position so much to sort out and no motivation to do it no close family either.Sometimes I get cross and say why the hell have you left me with this lot then I say you wouldn’t have left me if you could help it would you.I am just trying to sort a bit out at a time and regard it as a success if I get something done.
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Same here, I know exactly how you feel, we have to take small steps x
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Hi Autumnchild57, My husbands favourite saying was " trust me I’m a fireman". He was also a fisherman and I like you I was overwhelmed with all the fishing gear he left behind. It was his passion and there was so much stuff to sort. My son took what he wanted and then sold a lot of it on Ebay and shared the proceeds with his sister. We did donate some of the proceeds to the RNLI who Pete said were the firemen of the seas. What was left we donated to a local charity who take disadvantaged youngsters fishing at weekends and in the holidays. Their delight when they came to pick the last of it up was very emotional. Maybe there is a similar cause where you live! We did know that Pete would have been pleased that the youngsters were maybe future fishermen. I still have all his fishing books to sort but can’t bring myself to do it as they are in the house. It is soul destroying having to part with their belongings and I do feel for you. Thinking of you. Love Jennyx
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Same here. A garage full of his “stuff” because he did not get rid of anything. This whole process is awful and very depressing when doing it alone without a family. I do have one or two friends that help but I hate asking for favors but have no choice. I have lost some interest in things I liked doing together most days I have a meltdown. Being left to live on my own and deal with everyday things is awful. I try to make a list of “things to do” each day and then tick them off which does give me a sense of achievement.
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Am so sorry for your loss and that it all happened so suddenly for you. Have you a Sue Ryder shop near you that takes items as well as clothes ? They are always in need of funds . Just a thought.
I hate asking people to do things for me too ,I have friends and second cousins who are willing to help but I don’t want to be a nuisance