Anger in grief

Coping with bereavement
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Hi all. My mum passed away almost 4 years ago and for the past 2 years I feel so angry and have rage and I’m taking out on my loved ones a lot. I’ve had cancelling and to be honest that hasn’t helped I keep getting flash backs for when she was in hospital.
I want the anger/ rage to stop I try my best to control it but then I become overwhelmed and arghhhhh…… Has or does anyone else experience this if so how do you cope ???

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Hello @Emmalou.X,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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Dear Emmalou.X
I am so sorry for your loss and recognise your feelings of anger. My wife died from a heart attack in December 2024 and once I had dealt with Registrar, Undertakers, Solicitors, Funeral, etc, I had time to think.
I became increasingly angry with myself. We had been married 48 years and somehow I felt I had failed her.
I picked up a book about Angels in the hope it would provide some comfort but on initial reading didn’t seem to amount to much. However after some thought I realised the book was telling me to find a form of salvation through counting my blessings. Well, okay, there didn’t seem to be many blessings to count in my current situation but gave it a try. I started with the basics such as having a home when many people don’t have a roof over their heads, I can afford to heat my house I don’t have to choose between heating and eating, surely these are all blessings.
I then started thinking about my 48 years of marriage to my wonderful girl, would I have given that up to avoid the agony I have now? Absolutely not, I would do it all again, that must be a blessing. In marriage we are told “until death us do part” the warning is clearly there, death is the only certainty in life and one of us will be left behind.
The only other way I could avoid this agony would have been to die first, would I have wanted to inflict this agony on my wife? No, I’m proud to be the last, another blessing.
I was there for her until the very end, I held her hand in hospital as she died. I realised I had done my duty, the anger suddenly lifted.

Of course I still miss her dreadfully, I see her things around the house and shed a tear, but I’m at peace now and can mourn her loss properly.

I hope you find peace very soon.

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My partner since 1973 also died December 2024 of an unexpected heart attack without any prior warning. It was good he didn’t suffer but hard for those he left behind our two daughters and a granddaughter. Some days are more difficult than others and I try to be strong and make the best of my life now but it is hard. Grief is exhausting just when you think you are getting somewhere you have a down day Take care

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