Hi all
Nearly 11 weeks and the last couple of days i have felt very angry because of how my partner left me surely if he loved me and his daughter like he said he did he wouldnt have drank like he did and died right? Why shouldnt i just try and move on? This is how im feeling so angry and so hurt he promised he would get there and he hasnt and i feel like he owed it to us to get better (even though i could see he was too ill) and i know its an illness and thought i was starting to understand that but actually im not sure i ever will i am just so hurt and he knew that he has broken me and im begining to think i will always feel this way now sorry just wanted to vent dont feel like you have to reply xx
Hi fg15,
I’m sorry you lost your partner and under these circumstances.
I think your feelings are normal and not just related to alcohol. I still get angry that my mum left me. She died in june 19 of a massive stroke but I still get angry that she refused to let me take her to hospital.
I get angry that she didnt look after herself more and I’m angry that she left me with a miserable existence where I miss her so much.
6 years ago my friend died from alcohol related illness. The last time the hospital cleared her liver and discharged her from hospital they told her that one more drink would kill her. She abstained for several months then drank one evening and died a few days later. I remember looking at her two boys at the funeral thinking why couldnt she stop drinking for them?
I guess we will never understand an addiction but my point us that you would probably feel anger no matter what the circumstances. It’s all a part of grieving.
Cheryl x
Sorry to hear ahout your mum
Yes i guess anger is part of grieving no matter what the circumstances were its horrible my partner was told he had to stop he did the day he went in hosp in feb as he was in 7 wks came home for 3 months never touched a drop and i know this because we were in lockdown so no visitors he couldnt move and i certainly wouldnt have bought any not that he asked but i could see how scared he was but even then i was angry just so much anger i feel my head is mashed i think maybe councelling might help i dont know xx
There are lots of people who swear by counselling. Personally I hated it. I just wanted my mum back and they couldnt give me that. But you may feel differently. Sue Ryder offer counselling as do many other places. And remember, 11 weeks is no time at all. My mum has been gone nearly 15 months and I’m still feeling so unhappy, but I’m in a much better place than I was.
Hi Cheryl, I tried counselling but I stopped it after a couple of sessions because what I really wanted was my loved one back again and even excellent counsellors cannot achieve that.
You also mentioned that you were angry with your Mum for various reasons… I do not believe that!
I think you are angry with yourself not your lovely Mum.
Take care AL x
Hi Al,
Thanks but I am angry as much as I miss her desperately. I knew something was wrong and begged her to let me take her to hospital. She refused and was quite aggressive to me. 12 hours later she reluctantly let my partner take her to A and E where they quickly established she had suffered a TIA.
They had missed the opportunity for clot busting drugs and discharged her with aspirin. 11 days later she died of a brain hemorrhage. She was forever telling me to mind my own business and stop treating her like a baby. I just feel that if she had let me help she could still be here today.
I still feel very angry with the world Al as I’m guessing you have felt as part of this grief as well.
I dont to divert the thread away from FG15’s post and grief so will stop going on!
Cheryl x
Thanks for the reply Cheryl. I don’t think you’re going off topic because FG15’s post is about anger but I take your point. I didn’t know all the facts about your Mum’s admission to A&E and I now see where you are coming from. You’re angry that she didn’t do more to save herself.
@Fg15 I hope you can see that regardless of the circumstances anger is a common emotion in grief and you are in no way to blame.
So sorry to hear this dont worry you havent diverted off my post i can see your anger as you knew your mum was poorly and she didnt want the fuss of beeing seen by the medical proffesionals
like my situation my partner was just laid about struggling to walk not even going to loo and i said you need to be in hoso your not well ill be ok he said ive got drs apt end of week next day he was ni better i said enough is enough and phoned the dr who admitted to hosp. But like i keep saying on my other posts he wanted the help as started going to a place for depression and drink a few weeks before he eneded up on hosp but was too late damage was done thats why im angry and hurt if only sooner i had no idea how much he was consuming and for how long hid it very well x
Thank you yes i can see im not the only one with anger ots just awful feeling like this and its eating me up inside at the moment ive had grief before as lost dad 4 yrs ago but my goodness this is worse but i guess it is given that he was my partner and way he died x
Thanks fg15.
Deep down I’m sure you know you did everything you could. The guilt does start to subside. I was eaten away with guilt for the first year but now I can see that my mum was an adult of sound mind and she made decisions and lived her life the way she wanted.
Take care x
I think that anger is a perfectly natural part of grieving regardless of the reason for your loved one’s death. I know that there are times when I am still angry at my last husband for leaving me alone to cope with ageing though it wasn’t a deliberate act Or an act of self neglect on his part .
Alcohol dependence is hard to deal with for those close to the addict. My second husband’s alcohol dependence was a large part of what killed the marriage and he died of his addiction after I divorced him. I can only imagine how frustrating and anger inducing to have your loved one die as a result of their dependence while you are still with them. I sympathise.
It is very hard and i am angry thatbhe left us this way i know he didnt meant it and he didnt want to be like that but he didnt get help sooner and that hurts but at the point he would have been in denial and his body just wanted more its horrible now i know why our relationship suffered because he was always drinking (no idea at that time) and i moved the other end of the country for him and he has now left me this way after nearly 16 years its horrible so horrible im hoping in time i will feel a bit better but will never get over it and despite everything i still love him x
I am reading between the lines here but I think your Mum’s aggression toward you was based on fear. She must have been too scared to want to go to hospital and maybe she was in denial as to how ill she was. Try to see it from her point of view and forgive her for how she was toward you. Sending love to you.