Anger

Hi all. I don’t know about you all but I am angry at everything in my life. This ranges from having to go to work ( I have always worked) to just waking up every day, traffic, my remaining parent , my family and my poor dogs. I shout and swear at everything, I have nearly killed myself trying to get out of my car on a motorway to thump a driver that cut me up on the motorway!! My anger is getting worse and I am going to end up wrecking everything that I have left eg. My family or even my car or house, the anger just bubbles away every single day! I have thought about seeing my doctor but I will just be angry because they are not seeing anyone. ( I lost my dad may 2018 and my partner of 20 yrs may 2019

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Hello marie51,

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and your partner. It sounds as though you’ve been through a lot in a short amount of time, and I think anger is a very natural response to that.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

Another good place to get support is from your GP. Some people find talking therapies or cognitive behaviour therapy useful in dealing with anger, both of which are available on the NHS.

Take care,
Hazel
Online Community team

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Hi Hazel. Thanks for your advice I have just emailed them as no appointments for a assessment available or showing as available
Many thanks x

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Hi. Marie. Of course you are angry. I was at first. Why? Why? kept coming up. Then I realised these are unanswerable questions, and by pursuing them we drag ourselves down further. Anger often comes about by our lack of understanding. We can see no reason for all the pain so tend to take it out on others. We project our anger on to them. Your GP should be your first port of call. They can often point you to some therapy that may help.
Do you no longer feel any love in your heart? Love overcomes all things, and if you can love and not hate, (anger is a form of hate), then all would be well. Anger is not easy to overcome, and can become a habit. You ‘react’ to situations, we all do. You have been so badly hurt and you lash out at anyone that seems able to do you harm. When you feel angry, count it down. Let it come but see it for what it is, an abnormal reaction because of your bereavements. Replace it with thoughts of love. Now this is by no means easy, and I am not making trivial comments because I do know how difficult it can be. You won’t finish up wrecking everything you have, the fact that you are on here shows you are reaching out for help.
Try and be kind to yourself and not be angry with yourself because of how you feel. Blessings and sending you love and understanding. John

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Thank you Jonathan 123. I will try your suggestions. Thanks for the support

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We certainly change Sheila, there’s no question about that :cry:

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Hi @marie51, I had one of those days yesterday, when everything I touched broke, everything I tried to do when wrong and easy things suddenly became more complicated. I got so angry. I was standing in the middle of the kitchen screaming up at Bill (my late husband) to stop making things hard for me. So we all have this anger inside of us and it just takes a couple of “tiny” things for it to show its head. I am so glad you reached out as we are all here and have probably all suffered like you. Remember to breath.
Take care
Shona

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Hi all. So got a phone consultation with the Dr today as you all know my temper is horrendous and I am definitely going to end up hurting myself or someone else. Well what a waste of time!! She told me yes this is usual for grief! I don’t think going to thump someone on the motorway is normal! And to do something relaxing like painting! Well I’m bloody sorry but painting is not going to calm me down! It took me a lot to call her what a waste of time !!!

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Marie, what about getting a punch bag and getting rid of your rage that way so you are venting your anger but not hurting yourself or anyone else, just a thought. Or I could always give you my ex husband’s address :wink:

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Ex husband would be good !

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Dear Marie
I am so sorry that your doctor was so useless. I think you have been unlucky and got someone who hadan’t the faintest idea abiout grief. I donn’t syppose you are in the mood to try again but I am sure there will be other doctors in your practice who will know how to help you.
Certainly you can’t go on as you are. While I can understand your anger, it does sound a little extreme and i think you are right - if you don’t get proper trained help. you might do something drastic and that would be terrible. Please go bacj to your doctor and tell the receptionist when you book that you needfd help urgently anad don’t take no for an answer. They are there partly to shield the doctors from timewasters and you are clearly not one of those.

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Hi. Marie. What is anger? It is born of frustration and guilt. Frustration that things are not going the way they should, and guilt because we feel we can change nothing and should be able to. The anger in bereavement is mostly frustration.
‘Why them’? What did they do to deserve this’? 'What did I do.? We are angry with the world that seems so hard and uncaring. We watch others going about their lives apparently without a care, (although we don’t know that), and feel resentful. Anger and resentment go together. I am sure we have all felt anger at some time during grief. You may feel yours has gone over the top and that you do need help. Counselling may be better than your GP. But in these times may be difficult. Deep breaths and calm acceptance. Oh so easy to say so difficult to do! Keep reaching out and you will eventually find the help you need. John.

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