I can’t describe how angry I feel at every single thing. Both my parents died unexpectedly earlier this year in late 50s, quickly, unexpectedly, deteriorated quickly, one after 3 weeks in intensive care from flu-related sepsis, one after having being diagnosed with cancer for only a month. I HATE everything; I want to DESTROY everything. I’m not angry at them for dying as some people say, not at the doctors but at EVERY SINGLE THING AND PERSON IN EXSISTENCE. I feel like the rage is 1000 times the size of my brain and body and will crush and consume me. I fantasise about all sorts of horrible, violent things (not against kids or animals or anything - just stupid, stupid, ignorant adults) and I don’t even feel guilty. I HATE ALL of the people who I thought were friends / used to like and constantly fantasise about destroying them verbally or physically. My dad dies 6 months ago, my mother 4 months ago and after like 2 weeks of saying ‘you poor thing’ now NOBODY GIVES A S*** and I HATE them for it. It’s changed into rage at loads of other things, too e.g. public transport being late, not being able to find something in my bag, someone being 5 minutes late to meet me, someone trying to talk to me when I thought I’d have 5 minutes’ peace at work. The anger has taken my appetite and sleep and my heart is never not racing. I just sought medical help this week and think it’ll help.
Please tell me you feel / felt unprecedented anger, too.
Hello,
Life has been very cruel to you, and your journey through your grief has only just started. I am sorry to hear to hear that your pain and sorrow has manifested in this way. Working through grief is a very personal experience, and we all react in different ways. It is not unusual to feel anger, but it is one of the most self destructive of all human emotions, and I do not think your parents would want you to give yourself so much pain in this way. Do not ever feel that there is no one who cares about you - there are many within this online community who have experiences to share that will support you. You may find it beneficial to explore your feelings of anger and despair with a bereavement counsellor, and there is a free and confidential service operating on this site - I think you need to work out your anger and pain in a safe environment. I hope you will think about this. In the meantime, take care of yourself, and remember that there is lots of support to be had within this community. Tulabelle xx
Hello. I am so sorry for what you have experienced. Life can be very cruel. Please know that you’re not alone. Everyone on this site has lost somebody and knows of all the emotions that follow with bereavement. I lost my husband very suddenly last year and the sadness I feel is indescribable. These conversations have brought me great comfort and I urge you to keep writing and reading here. My heart goes out to you and I’m sending you love and a big hug. Xx
Crazykate is right. You have found a safe place here to rant, scream and cry. Welcome
I’ve been using this forum for a few months and it has really helped me. I lost both my parents within a year and I get your anger. I really do.
Life is not fair. People let you down. Friends disappear. Others just wind you up by breathing. I get it. X
Luckily my anger didn’t last too long and got replaced by all sorts of other emotions in the grief cocktail. I think you are doing the right thing reaching out for help. I have found this site, counselling, screaming at the top of my lungs when there was no one around and punching a pillow have all helped me. Plus writing every thought that comes into my head and reading grief books too.
Anger is destructive, but to be honest, if you are feeling it, at least you are not just carrying on as normal. You’ve been dealt an awful hand in life and a dose of anger is justified as long as you let it out in a safe way.
There is always someone here to listen so please come back and let us know how you are getting on.
This site is so comforting when I come home and my husband is not there is deverstating. I’m straight on to this site and there we find out we are not alone it’s so comforting.
Hi there. I just wanted to tell you I’m absolutely livid too! I never swore before mum died now I can’t stop. I’m ashamed but I’m too furious to care! I lose my temper at the slightest thing, friends annoy the hell out of me and I question whether they really are friends as they all seem so self centred.
People who drive the car in front of me and don’t do a left turn quick enough ahhh infuriated me! Something relatively minor will incense me to the point of absolute heart pounding fury! I know I’m doing it but can’t stop and don’t blooming well care! My husband gets it in the neck regularly even silly things like not having the tv on the channel I wanted on or forgetting to pick up a prescription I get red hot seething anger and I let rip! I call him every name under the sun shouting to the point of angry tears I have often wondered if I’m losing the plot or turning into a miserable grumpy old woman and that’s just not me but I hear myself sometimes and think omg I’m even getting on my own nerves! Other people just irritate and get on my wick and if a kid in a shop won’t stop screaming it’s as much as I can do not to scream back “shut up!!!” I don’t like this furious bad tempered person I’ve become but I almost enjoy my rage at times it seems to help me let off steam and I think hats what’s happening to us - the grief ad pressure builds like a pressure cooker until something’s gotta give. I’m sure it’s a normal part of grieving and I’m really glad you posted this as I think many people will relate to it. I certainly 100%! Can.
I want to reply to everyone who replied to me about anger but I don’t know if I’m replying in the right bit. THANK YOU for all your replies. I’m obvs not pleased that youse have been bereaved but I can’t lie and say I’m not a bit comforted that other people feel SO angry and feel like they’ve changed to become proper vicious since being bereaved. The person who said they never swore before / now too furious to care - that’s me! And the person who said people can wind you up just by breathing - YES! Someone said something about writing things down and I’ve started doing that.
It’s so weird and unexpected that I don’t feel the rage AT anything - like, what happened to my parents was dreadful and cruel but in one sense, I know no-one can live forever; like I say, I’m not angry at ‘God’ or ‘the world’ or medical staff or anything … I just cannot believe the STRENGTH of the generalised, constant, free-floating anger bursting from me. Like someone says above, it must just be a pressure-cooker effect: it was just too much seeing those illnesses and deaths, it’s making my brain just explode.
I feel SO BAD for you who’ve commented. Obvs not in a ‘I pity you’ way - just in a YOU BRAVE WARRIOR sort of way. It is so hard getting through this - there’s no dressing it up nicely.
Hi everyone
I just thought I’d add something too.
Dealing with anger can be so difficult. For me, there are things which can ignite rage from no where, but it generates me into action. The times when I don’t feel angry, I can feel so despairing and depressed.
My Dad died very suddenly last month, he wasn’t ill. Went into hospital reluctantly. I spoke to him on the Wednesday ( I was on holiday at the time). Doctor said he was ok…not critical. Thursday morning I got the call that he had died at 8 am ( never woke up in the morning).
I’ve been so bereft…but my anger has been directed at certain attitudes which I think have been very cruel. For example, my sister in law has refused to offer even a word, message or text of condolence. We’ve had a bit of a falling out, but she’s seen me in person and still blanked me. I feel it’s so deliberately hostile I can hardly believe it.
Then, parents in law, hearing about my Dad’s sudden death asked me to my face ‘Do you think it was a killing’?? WHY would they say such a thing?? I was horrified and haven’t seen them since. I don’t know what to think. They live very near me, but I find it too much to have to filter in such insensitive attitudes.
Sorry to rant…I just don’t think it’s appropriate!!! So I’m really angry…but also really sad that people want to behave that way.
I totally understand that sometimes people say things and it comes out wrong…but even still! !!
What the hell?! WHY are people like that? I feel really angry for you - idiots, man! That’s so shocking what happened to your dad - unbelievable. No way, man, I just have no way to deal with stuff like that at the minute, either! Xxx
There is so much sadness to contend with at the best of times. I don’t want to believe that some people want to deliberately make it worse… but now see that it’s a real possibility.
Warm wishes and support to every one to keep going, keep surviving day by day.
mj
Oh yes. I’m absolutely b…y furious!! I am
swearing badly (I never swore like this in my life) I say words out loud and to myself I’m ashamed of. I’ve NO time for idiots and don’t suffer fools gladly. I’ve NO patience and feel like I will explode with anger. You’re not alone. Sadly it’s often the way after a few weeks people think you’re back to normal. When I’m reality the grieving has just begun. I bought the book called “Surviving grief” someone on here recommends and it’s well worth buying. All these feelings are normal. This forum is great too you find SO much support here x
