Arrggghh, Sorry i’m coming on here to have a bit of a moan, we got my husbands post mortem through and we found out he had hypertensive heart disease which caused the heart attack, but the 2nd thing on the death certificate was classed as obesity. Yes he was overweight but had been suffering from high blood pressure which eventually caused the heart disease for around 24 years, before he put weight on.
Now his parents, particularly his dad, who always had a go at him all the time about his weight and losing weight when he was alive (they were like a tag team and took it in turns to lecture him), and ultimately pushed him the wrong way by having a go and had him in turn comfort eating, read the post mortem today and he still can’t get away from the nastiness and bitchiness in death. “It all come down to his weight, if he could have lost weight then…” I’m so bloomin angry that he can’t even escape it in death and they still won’t leave him alone.
Yes he needed to lose weight but I don’t think they could ever get their heads around the fact that they were going the wrong way about things. My way was to try and tackle it and do it together bit by bit. But his dad has heart problems himself and has previously had a heart bypass and other problems and there is a strong family history of heart disease, but I think it is convenient to blame it on his weight - family history I don’t think has come into in his head!!!
Sorry for venting but I think I might throttle someone if I don’t get it out!!
Does anyone else have problems with their in-laws??
I don’t have problems with in-laws but it’s appalling that they keep going on about it. Going on about it isn’t going to change anything but it is going to deepen your hurt and frustration. I could quite understand it if you didn’t see them for a while because you need people around who will support and listen to you, not make you feel worse at the worst time in your life. So sorry that you are having to deal with this as well.
Yeah its been a bit of a constant since he passed away. “If only he could have done something about his weight”. I think today just topped it off a bit, I didn’t want to show him the post mortem as I didn’t want him getting upset and because it mentioned obesity - i sort of wanted to shield my husband from it if that doesn’t sound daft. Don’t get me wrong they are lovely people, but their way of trying to sort things isn’t the best. If he had a biscuit at his parents his dad would say “just the one mind, you’re not getting any more, thought you were on a diet”!!!
Even today when he made the comment, i sort of skirted round the issue and mentioned that he had had high blood pressure for the last 24 years, even when he was thinner, so yes it wouldn’t have helped but its not always down to weight. But his dad is very strict with himself to try and look after himself and thinks everyone else should be the same but if the world was all like that well…
I’m just upset that when he was alive he got it, I saw how much it hurt him when they started, it was face to face, over the phone and he would come off and be peed off with them but he was too polite to say anything back to them. Now he can’t even escape it in death xx
I’m hoping maybe to go back to work when my current sicknote runs out at the end of the month - I have got 2 1/2 weeks left on it, it might do me good to try and get back into a routine and back at work with my workmates. I just don’t know… I will have been off for about 11 weeks then and am worried if I don’t get back to work now then i’ll keep putting it off longer and longer.
After about 2-3 weeks my mother in law asked if I was going back to work, to get myself back into a routine !! I think unless you’ve been through this you have no idea what it feels like. I know they have lost their son, but I and everyone on here has lost their other half, their soulmate and like we keep saying, unless you’ve been through it or are going through it you’ve got no way to know what its like…
One of my brothers-in-law causes me no amount of anger. He asked to be allowed to say something at the funeral so I asked him to send through what he was proposing to say - it read like a best-man’s speech. Guided by the vicar I politely asked him to change it so that it focused on my husband and the good memories he had of his brother. Needless to say he tweaked it only slightly with inappropriate comments scattered throughout and endless dialogue about him and his own family. I will never forgive him. He also tried to get involved with the Police and Coroner’s dealings into the investigations into my husband’s crash. I was quite annoyed when I found out that the Coroner was talking to him and I had to intervene which was just another issue I did not want to have to deal with. The list is endless of his meddling and makes me so angry and upset.
Sheila,
Such a shame. Sadly there always seems to be family members who make losses worse. I hope you keep faith and strength to deal with narcissistic family. You always have support here and now you have mine
Hi there, my twin sister died suddenly in 2019. Her cause of death was natural causes attributed to her morbid obesity, enlarged heart and type 2 diabetes. We have a pain in the butt brother who just loves to comment on her weight and how her death was preventable, he even said we should save money and have one of those cremations where she is cremated by them while we sit in the pub having a drink in her memory! I am pretty sure (or at least I hope so) that some part of it is their way of coping. 8 months later another sister was in surgery fighting for her life and he said to me, “it’ll be you next, it has gone oldest to youngest to oldest again.” I was so shocked that he was acting as though our sister had already lost her fight that all I could say was, “I am the youngest by 55 minutes.” He shrugged and said “Close enough”. I seriously do not know how I did not kill him then and there. We can’t choose family, we just have to put up with them!
Zecal,
Sorry for your loss. Unfortunately you are right. We can’t choose family and most of us have clown as a family member. Best thing: ignore him and be the better person. The universe has a way of working itself out
I feel like in losing my mum I’ve lost my family. My brother moved to Scotland before Christmas. He comes back every fortnight to see his grandson, but only sees me if he nerds me to sign something or sort something out re mum’s house which we’re selling. Yesterday I said that I’d like to visit him at some point and was met with stony silence. They left me alone the night before the funeral, when I was really upset and I ended up staying overnight with friends, who could see how upset I was. Doubtless I’ll be left to my own devices at Christmas. I certainly don’t expect an invite for them… I’m divorced without any children. I ferl really rejected and hurt. Some bloody family!
