It is a year since my husband went into hospital and never came out again. I can’t stop thinking about the ordeal he went through going downhill.
I feel very tearful and missing him. I can’t seem to motivate myself.


So sorry for your loss. I know how you feel my husband too went into hospital a fit man never to come out again. He got sepsis in hospital and just went downhill so quick i didn’t have time to say goodbye to think what he went through breaks my heart. All we can do is try to live our lifes as they would have wanted us to. Every night when i close my eyes i think of him scared and not knowing whats going on. Life is so cruel. I feel god is testing us I’m not a strong person and this is to much.


Thank you for responding as you too had the same kind of awful thing occur.
Today I ate my Sunday lunch on my own. I always used to like sharing a roast with my husband.
I still try to eat something like we would have had. I got an air fryer since he died saves using the gas oven. Put a pork chop in it today and steamed veg like we used to do. Made same gravy and then had a pudding too. I will have to try to force myself to carry on like I have been. It isn’t up to his high standards but at least the garden looks reasonable.
But I enjoy doing that. The old cat is still here and that is good even if she is old and all the rest of her naughty behaviour. My step sons try and my grandsons do too. I am not sure what God thinks about any of it at the moment. I cling on to things when I am low.
I will never know for sure 100 per cent accurately if my husband caught extra things as well. We were supposed to have a post mortem and then they changed their minds. I got so many confusing things.
He wasn’t fit when he went in but they did say there was hope.
He fell out of bed the night before he died and they said he seemed ok and ate his breakfast and then had a fatal heart attack and could not be saved so I wasn’t there either as I couldn’t get there in time.
So I hate it he was having to go without us.
It is horrible not being there but unless I could have flown on a magic carpet it wasn’t possible


Oops typo meant “two” not “step” sons


Just had my meal for one . Didnt feel like doing much today .

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Not did I feel like doing much either.
Just walked round the block and saw no one to talk to. Lots🖼️

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Something keeps flicking off two half finished messages on here. Was going to say looks like people off on holiday. I can’t complain I had time away myself but my state of mind alone half the week meant I didn’t make best use of it. But it is I guess to be expected. I just took feelings with me of course. To be fair I did achieve something. Just have to adjust. Being there without him.
Was like he was a shadow in some ways. Not used to it.
Seemed so strange sitting on my own. I have lots of times of course over the years but it felt hollow. Like was he really all around? People say things like that in poems as it feels like it sometimes like a sense of something.
Can’t think of all that energy snuffed out just like that.
He did leave something worthwhile. Think he left the world a better place through being here not a worst one. He didn’t just waste what he had. He used his abilities. He did his best. I feel so awful that I wish I had been there at the end.
Unless I had camped there non stop it is impossible.

Even if it had happened in my house and could have easily have done I might not have been there. It is very unrealistic. I was there for my dad.
I was allowed to camp there. Had a room. But no option now. And my father only lasted six days not six weeks.
I wasn’t there when my mother died suddenly. I was too late. I didn’t live with her. Yet I was there for my mother in law who I wasn’t close to really. But that is how it was. All these different experiences