Tomorrow is the anniversary of my Dad’s death. It has been 23 years and with time the anniversary has become a lot less painful than it once was.
However, this year I am finding it really hard. I lost my mum suddenly at the end of last year. Normally I would speak to her tomorrow and we’d talk about Dad and remember him.
I feel so stupid for feeling this way, my Dad has been gone for so long now that it completely surprised me when Father’s Day triggered a lot of old painful feelings that I haven’t really felt for a long time. I had to remove myself from social media as I couldn’t deal with all the father’s day posts this year.
I don’t feel like I can talk about it to anyone as it feels so ridiculous to have this fresh surge of grief over a loss that happened a lifetime ago.
I know I am not, but I just feel very alone this year. The realisation that both of my parents are gone makes me feel so sad.
Hi, entirely understandable for your grief to be triggered again. Once both your parents are gone you can feel orphaned, no matter what your age. Grieving for one parent seems to give rise to emotions associated with previous losses. It has been similar for me. I lost my Dad in 2014 and I had a tricky relationship with him. I was always close to my Mum, who died earlier this year. Grief for my Mum has made me think a lot about my Dad too and reflect on the past. These phases will pass, I’m sure but it shows how complex grief is. Best wishes xx
Please don’t beat yourself up for feeling this way, you are entitled to your feelings, it is understandable that your feeling the loss more on the anniversary of your dad’s passing. As you said, you would normally of spent this time talking with your mom, remembering your dad, so clearly feel the loss more. Sending hugs of support.
Thank you both for your replies. Today is challenging as unfortunately it has been a stressful day at work so it’s just not a good day anyway. I think perhaps I am acting out a bit more because my emotions are heightened today. I haven’t told anyone what today is as I don’t want to start the conversation and I feel like I should be dealing with it better as I know I will get upset but I also feel that I am acting out of character and I can’t really control it.