My name is Lynne and I lost my darling husband 13 months ago. Today is the anniversary of his funeral, exactly 4 weeks after he died, the day after his 68th birthday. I feel so guilty because I wasn’t with him when he died. I had been to see him every day when he was ill but when they told me there was nothing more they could do for him and they were going to turn off his life support I just felt that I couldn’t bear to witness that. His sister went to the hospital and sat with him until he passed but I feel that I let him down by not being there. No matter how hard I try I just can’t forgive myself for letting him down by not being there. I just wonder what he thought in those final moments when I wasn’t there. He wasn’t particularly close to his sister and I wonder if he thought it was strange that she was there and I wasn’t. After a year since his passing I still feel so bad about it and wonder when, if ever, it will get any easier.
Don’t feel bad , we all have to cope in whatever way we can. He knew you loved him and would be glad that you were spared the sorrow of watching him drift away. I’m sure he knew you were with him in spirit and you enjoyed so many happy times together - that is what you need to hold on to in the depths of your despair.
Thank you Jenny, your words of compassion are very well received. I will try to focus on the fact that he knew I loved him but couldn’t watch him slip away
Hi Lynne I am sorry you lost your darling husband 13 months ago, today must be another painful reminder of all that you experienced during that terrible time . Seeing your husband on life support is so distressing, I know because my husband was put on life support too, before he passed in January. You would have been under such incredible stress knowing that there was nothing they could do and the decision you made at that time was based on how you felt at that time which was totally overwhelmed. You did not let your husband down, he already knew how much you loved him and he you. That’s what he would have taken with him, the love you both shared during your life together, not those of his final few moments. I hope going forward you can learn to forgive yourself even though you have nothing at all to forgive, Much love x
Thank you Sandi for your kind words. I will try to think about the love we had together and not those final few moments.