Anniversary of mum's death

Losing a parent
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On 11 May 2025 it will be exactly a year since the sudden unexpected death of my mum. I am wondering how to deal with that weekend as I miss her where it feels like an ache. I am interested to hear others’ views on this. A day hardly goes by when I don’t think about her. There are some days when I cry and even wonder if her death could have been prevented although it’s not realistic given she died of a heart attack which had occurred in her sleep. I am in the process of clearing out her house which was where I grew up - heart wrenching.

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Hello @Jane28,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.

You might also want to Losing a parent - coping with the death of a parent | Sue Ryder

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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Hi Jane

My mum died on 29th April 2025.

I wasn’t sure how I would get through the ‘anniversary’, and especially with pressure from work to be away, made my anxiety sky-rocket.

I’m a teacher and my school was expecting me to take 20+ children away on a loco-parents DofE weekend. For 4 weeks leading up to it I tried to talk to the staff involved who simply tried to negotiate and make me feel bad!

A few things I learned leading up to the ‘anniversary’ (I hate calling it that, as it really isn’t a week/day I want to remember), which may help:

  • be direct (but kind and compassionate) with people - make it clear what you need, and make sure they understand - I wish I had 4 weeks before the anniversary because of the sodding school weekend
  • My sister (who has barely communicated since the death) messaged me at 8am on the morning, just as I was about to go into a lesson to teach - it totally offset me. I wish I had turned my phone off for the day. My mums friends and my cousin then messaged before 9am, again totally throwing me - I had a whole day of teaching and it was bad!
  • I was really lucky to have a caring, empathetic special person who took me to a tulip festival, which was absolutely lovely as my mum loved flowers, tulips and gardening - if you can reach out to somebody or have somebody to do something special with, to help with remembering the positive and happy memories, then that is a good idea
  • I’m not one for dates, and because of the traumatic week-long EOL, Sunday was the big-hitting day for me, rather than Tuesday when the date was. I wasn’t sure how I was going to be, it was really weird. I couldn’t cry, and just felt ‘meh’ all day.
  • Definitely take care of yourself, no matter whether you think you are being selfish. I cluttered my diary with stuff just to be distracted, and to be honest, I was was exhausted as a result last week - I wished I had set some time just to be alone, and doing something mindful - gardening, pottering around, painting, etc

I know everybody is different, but the things about may help.

Best wishes, I hope you are ok leading up to the 11th.

Alice. X

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Thank you so much for this Alice. It is very helpful.

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I am very sorry about the loss of your mum. I am pleased for you that there was a special empathetic person who was there for you. The tulip festival sounds lovely. Take care of yourself.

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