Hi, I’ve never done this before, but tonight I’m feeling particularly lonely. My fiancé was killed almost 6 years ago. He was 38 years old. He was killed 2 days after our sons 5th birthday. We were childhood sweethearts, yesterday would’ve have marked 22 years being together. I’m supposed to be over this by now, or that seems to be most people’s attitudes anyway. I have moved on to the point where I have met somebody else however we don’t live together or anything like that. But my god tonight, like a lot of nights still, it hurts! It’s almost physical pain and I don’t feel that I’m able to talk about this with anybody. I still text my fiancé, I still beg him to come home. Less often as time goes on, but often enough. I just don’t know how to go on. Sorry for whinging, feeling sorry for myself tonight.

Hi VickyH1981,

I am so incredibly sorry that you’ve been through such a traumatic experience. Please don’t apologise for whinging (you’re not) or feeling sorry for yourself - this community is a safe and non-judgemental space for you to share how you’re feeling, vent, rant or whatever helps. So please, carry on for as long as it helps. You’re not alone here and many others have talked about similar experiences of grief.

I don’t know whether you’ve come across our information pages yet, but there are two articles that I think might be useful for you as they talk about many of the things you’ve described in your message.

How can I cope with bereavement

How long does grief last

I hope there’s something in those articles that helps.

Take care of yourself and please don’t hesitate to let me know if there’s anything I can do to support you.

With best wishes,

Hi Vicky,

You have every right to feel like you do. I can’t say anything to make this any better, but to say sadly I know how you feel. I miss my husband so much, it’s just 8 weeks and I don’t know how I am getting through each day. I hate not being in my safe lovely old life. I wish every day that it’s just a bad dream and that I can wake up and life be normal.


It’s not whinging or feeling sorry for yourself, it’s how things are and when it hurts, it really does hurt. It takes time for all our emotions to change and I personally feel that were grief is concerned time is totally irrelevant. Four years and I talk to my lovely soulmate every day, sometimes more than I should but I feel sure he is listening. Special dates need to be organised in advance and you do what is right for you on those days because no one can feel what you feel. Lesley please take note of that because these days are the ones that really hurt.
It sounds good that you have someone else in your life, just take care and listen to your inner voice and do what you think is right for you and your son. Your lovely husband will always be a part of your life no matter what or who comes along and that person will also have to life with that. Love and blessings to you all. S