I’ve come to the conclusion that people are just stupid. The only ones who truly understand are the ones who’ve been bereaved. Some people lack basic human awareness & aren’t worth a second thought. X
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It doesnt really matter to me what people say, at least they are talking to me and trying (unsuccessfully) to help.
I just move on, how would being upset help me? Ive got a bigger issue to get through, just let it go. If they want to just sit and listen, thats great!
Sticks and stones… And yes, not worth a second thought
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People who come at you with a silver lining. There’s never a silver lining in grief. It’s been six months, and someone I met yesterday (who I didn’t tell about my dad; someone else did) said to me, because it was a cardiac arrest, something along the lines of it being quick and relatively painless compared to the ways in which many people can suffer.
Firstly, it’s been six months, so it’s not the first time I’ve heard this. Luckily, though, I don’t recall many people having said it.
Secondly, no. If my dad had been allowed to follow in his dad’s footsteps, then he would have seen his grandchildren become adults, and he would have died of old age, at around 100.
My dad truly loved life. He was grateful for every moment, and he was looking forward to the years ahead. All three of his children were living very close by, for the first time in many years, and things were good. We were happy, and all enjoying each other as adults. We’d just had a trip away for my cousin’s wedding.
Public service announcement: do not fill in awkward silences with a grieving person by proposing that there was a silver lining. It’s lazy, unhelpful, and doesn’t make us feel any better.
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Very well said! I have noticed though that it only seems to come from the people that haven’t experienced such a big loss in their lives yet. I must admit I was probably the same before I lost my Mum but it made me realise just how unhelpful I may have been towards the person grieving but to be honest all I said to them was that I was sorry and I didn’t know what else to say, but I think being honest about not knowing what to say is better than saying anything at all when it’s unhelpful if you get my meaning!
It’s been a year and 2 months for me and I am still struggling to come to terms with losing my Mum, it’s not been easy. One thing that gets on my nerves is when people tell me I’m so strong, they couldn’t be anymore off the mark if they tried! I am far from strong when every day I feel so broken inside.
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