Love this Edwin,made me cry xx
As I walked on I bumped into another dog walker (4 dogs). We soon realized that he, his wife, and I had collided before on more than one occasion, though not for a year. We could date that accurately as he recalled that my big girl was awaiting her second cruiser ligament operation.
Our chat ranged far and wide, as the dogs played together, but inevitably I mentioned my change of circumstances.
His wife, he then said, was suffering from metastasized cancer after apparently successful treatment of primary breast tumors some years previously. They had some hope in that she has been selected for experimental treatment trials at the UCL Cancer Institute.
I donāt know when or where I will see him, or her, again.
He jumped into his 4WD, I started to retrace my steps in the direction of my Dogmobile.
We waved goodbye.
For the second time within forty minutes I found myself wondering what the other fellow was thinking.
For me, amongst much else, I couldnāt help thinking of the opening lines of The Scottish Play . . . āWhen shall we three meet again?ā
*cruciate
Isnāt it annoying !
Hi there Edwin. You write so lovely. Since I have found myself alone I find I am looking at people more and wondering if they too are hurting. I wonder if I have bumped into any of you nice people. It has certainly made me more aware of other peoples situations. Sorted out yet more things for the charity shop and took them there this morning, and they asked me if I fancied volunteering to give me something to do. Now I might be alone but I have plenty to do and keep myself busy, any way said I would think about it. Got talking to a lady, we had a long interesting chat and it turned out that she lives alone in the same road as me. We decided it was meant to be and she gave me her telephone number. So we just donāt know what each day will bring. I went with my two dogs to the seafront this morning. Tide was far out and deserted, so walked to the sea edge and talked to my husband. A few tears which I expect and welcome to be honest, I then get on with the walk and enjoy the company of my two best friends. I watch their antics in the sea. Neither of them swim but they love to splash and paddle. Short chats with two other dog walkers. Things I took for granted are now important to me. So pleased you are a dog owner, Iām sure they are a comfort to you. I know mine are, even if they do hog the bed all night Take care.
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I met the chap whose wife is undergoing cancer treatment during my morning dog walk yesterday. As I left home for the afternoon walk I bumped into a village friend, 50-ish, for the first time since I learned that he had been diagnosed with oesophagal cancer. We were able to have what I hope was a worthwhile talk. Who knows what meetings today may bring ?
Not so bloody, please God.
Exactly that Edwin. I went to my allotment and gave some produce to another member with a family but who had run out of veg so as I have plenty I shared with him. I took more home to take to the Food Bank tomorrow. I donāt take the things we do for granted anymore but this afternoon I went downhill yet again with more unexpected tearsā¦ Iām fed up of going up and down like a yo yo.
Thatās me Pattidot . Going up and down like a yo yo . Today I have woken up and the first thought that comes in to my head ā¦like every other morning ā¦is that my husband is still dead . No matter how much I busy myself, who I spend time with or what is happening on a day to day basis , the bottom line is that my lovely husband is dead , I miss him terribly and everything else is just a means of trying to distract myself and get through another day
I need to find something that means a lot to me in my current circumstances but I have no idea what that something is . The thought of scrabbling around trying to fill the time to get through the days of the rest of my life makes me feel quite sick and panicky .
I am going for a second session of bereavement counselling on Wednesday morning . Perhaps the counsellor will help me clarify my thoughts and help me work out what I can do to make my life feel a bit more meaningful in the absence of my husband . I love my children , my mum and my friends and my animals and have worked hard these past 6 months to keep our business on an even keel but in all honesty I feel as lost as ever without my husband
Sending big hugs
Romy xxxxx
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Thatās me too, really.
I donāt want to upset my family any further just yet. I have dogs to care for, and I have some unfinished business.
If it werenāt for those things, I would be prepared to die. Itās the only thing which can bring this daily misery to an end.
Oh Edwin . I am sorry you feel so sad . The misery is daily I agree but being prepared to die is hopefully not the only solution . There must be other ways of coping with this pain . We just havenāt found them yet . Try and live in hope even though you feel lost like me .
If anyone out there has something more positive to say to help me and Edwin today we would be very grateful to hear from you
Sending you a big hug Edwin
With lots of love
Romy xxxxx
So true Romy,i spent most of yesterday after visiting my husbandās grave in deep thought ,searching for What next?I still have no answers!Itās an ongoing battle with myself.Im hoping for a lightbulb moment.Hope you find some answers Romy xx
Dear Robina . Thatās what we need . A lightbulb moment
Going to make that my goal for today to see if I get some divine inspiration
Romy xxxxx
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For me the first thought that comes into my head is that my wife has died, but I swiftly move on, deliberately, to thinking how much worse her first thoughts must have been and how did she manage to just get up and carry on. As she got nearer to death presumably her first thought was is this the day. Itās all a bit morbid but then I move on to thinking about how I may cope with that, and we all know thereās a good chance we may have to, if we can believe the statistics.
Take all that together and I donāt think thereās time to hang about. In the words of that infernal song āenjoy yourself, itās later than you thinkā.
Seeing my wife deteriorate over four years and knowing just how much she was desperate to live I just feel so quilty about letting my life slip away. Itās so easy to imagine what she would have to say about that.
Good morning everyone. Look around you and see the beauty. Amongst all this misery, a butterfly is still beautifulā¦
Watch the birds. I get enormous pleasure watching the birds on my feeders. My husband loved to do that also. I watch with him still and call out to him to come seeā¦
Hello Edwin
Misery is the perfect description of grief,cannot deny that,these last few days for me too have been some of my worst,unable to shift the heartache.Deep inside i know life is a gift,to be lived,so i will keep living although itās hard to find the strength needed each day.
We will all go soon enough,and i cannot help looking forward to that day when i see my loved ones again,like you i have loved ones here too and i will try to be the best for them.We are needed here.xx
I think we have a big say in how we āhandleā or āmanageā grief. I suppose it is a process, in that we have options as to how we process it.
Yesterday I visited one of my daughters. My eldest grandson was complaining about something and my daughter called him a āsnowflakeā. I had heard the term before but asked for clarification. Basically she was saying that kids are arriving at university having been sheltered from reality and having lived in a family group which revolved around them. I had to laugh as I thought of my upbringing and life experiences compared to that of my parents. I feel I was part of The Golden Generation and it probably didnāt adequately prepare me for dealing with adversity.
You keep a consistent hold on your mood,thatās good,and yes life is just a speck in Time.A medium once told me i was a natural born survivor,but i do think that applies to everyone really,and you are right our loved ones still influence what we do here.My husband would be so disapointed if i donāt give it my best try.Ivāe had some of my worse days lately,probably exacerbated by not feeling too great healthwise.Suppose you can only accept whatevers thrown at you,itās going to keep coming anyway.x
Yes a butterfly is beautiful Kate,my hubbyās favourite was the cabbage white,the most common and not the most colourful,but look like little angels flying around.At the graveyard yesterday,i heard a lovely bird song,took me ages to find where it was coming from,then i spotted a small black and white bird straight in front,havenāt seen it there before.When i got home i searched and found it was a Flycatcher,so another first for me after the woodpecker the other day.Yes got my birdfeeders out xx
We are fortunate that we still have memory to guide and comfort us. Even in adversity my wife has left me with memories that will continue to inspire me.
I can totally emphasise with the impact health has on mood. However much I fight against it, illness seems to win out eventually. It doesnāt help if it interferes with sleep. I came home from my daughters early last night and went straight to bed. I really felt sorry for myself as Iād almost come to a standstill. Things look much better today as the sun streams through the windows. We are survivors in our own way, and really thatās all that matters. Not really comparable to some of the great stories of survival in the face of adversity but still a challenge to be met.
I think we are ā wiredā to survive and those 100 billion neurons just have to work a bit harder sometimes.
Who knows what our future holds
Or, indeed, how much future we have.
Best just concentrate on now.
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