Woke up to another day of pain
I’m really struggling today, I miss my Ian so much. Everyone else’s life just carries on but I’m just here with a pit of emptiness.
It’s only going to get harder the nicer the weather gets too, he loved the summer and was always in the garden sunbathing, gardening and just generally tidying up.Now I’m absolutely dreading the summer…
I know what set me off this morning…we sold our crafting goods at car boots and a local car boot we use to go to is on this weekend, we’d have gone…it would have been our first one of the season. We loved it, we’d get such a buzz out of selling stuff we’d make, now I can’t even bear the thought of it.
I miss him so much …I HATE this
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Me too, another day of misery and, tomorrow will be exactly the same, and the day after that… I am tired of waking up. I need more whiskey. 
Take care, JB
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I hate the weekends. No more lying in bed, no more breakfasts together just no more nothing. I haven’t stopped drinking since he died suddenly on the 20 January 2025 it’ll only be 6 weeks this Monday. How’s it only 6 weeks, it feels like 6 months.
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It’s been 2 months for me, it doesn’t get any easier does it, go easy on the booze though, it helps at first but just know when to stop, ok.
Look after yourself, x
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No it doesn’t, and I know it’ll get worse before it gets better. Drinking makes me forget…but only for abit. Other times it makes me feel happy and others it lets me cry and cry , although I don’t really need much help with that. That was me last night, I just sat and cried after I drank a bottle of wine.
I have had a few days off the alcohol and thank you for your concern, it’s just helping at the moment but I know it’s not a long term solution. Ian and I would try not to drink in the week, we’d save it all for the weekends. I’ll get back to doing that eventually, but at the moment it’s anything to get me through every painful day
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Terrybird
I went the other way. My wife went into hospital at Christmas and I didn’t drink in case I got a call to go down quickly. Apart from the funeral when I had a couple of glasses of wine I’ve had no alcohol at all. I think it’s because we would always have a drink together over a meal or in the evening and I associate it with that. Like you, its the little things I miss and I’ve been sitting in the garden this morning as it’s nice and sunny but not having anyone to share it with is so difficult. I miss the journeys s up the coast to get fish and chips and take the dogs for a run on the beach. I’m struggling to believe this is my permanent situation.
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I sat In my garden yesterday and just wept. I kept looking at the trees, we’d decorated them with ornaments and old prosecco bottles from last summer. Ian had made me a bird house because I mentioned I wanted one, that sits in the tree too. Looking at it all just makes me miss him all that much more. Knowing he won’t ever be here again kills me. I made the mistake of going into the shed, everything was how he left it…I burst into tears. I keep touching everything because I know Ian had touched it.
I feel suspended in time, I know it’ll move forward eventually and this pain will ease, but I’m just on auto pilot still and it feels like I’m just wasting away
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When things are so raw everything becomes a trigger. I look at things around the garden and things I just took for granted upset me. Certain plants, pots, everything. I am living a life on hold minute by minute.
Hi Terrybird
Its been 2 weeks for me and I feel your pain. I hated the sun came out today the rain and dark grey clouds suited me. That pit of emptiness just sits inside you feeling cold and dark. We are all feeling the same on here its really helped me so far as people in my real life just don’t understand x
@Numb1 I took alot for granted and it haunts me now. I hate the guilt. I know I have nothing to feel guilty about but I just can’t help it. Every day I find myself fixating on one particular memory be it good or bad. I don’t think I’ve fully accepted that Ians dead, even writing it doesn’t feel right. I know he is but it’s not right.
@Debzz the grey clouds and rain suited me too, I’ve nothing to look forward to at the moment. I associate the sun with happiness and good times. The sun being out doesn’t reflect my mood at all and it makes me feel worse xxx
Having said all of that I know I won’t feel like this forever, I’m just having a really bad day and there’s been a lot of triggers, but I have to keep going, I have to keep moving forwards as painful and hard as it may be xxx
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I also don’t think I’ve grasped the permanence of it all. I’m just living minute by minute and not looking too far ahead. Keeping myself occupied as much as possible but although I’ve had offers I don’t feel like socialising. We all just need to take our time.
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I went out last Friday, it was awful. I really appreciated my friend for taking me but it was awful. I didn’t want to socialise, I didn’t want to get involved, I just wanted to be at home. It’s my safe place for now x
I an the same Numb1. It is gettimg your head around the fact that it is permanent. My husband worked on oil rigs so am used to being without him . But we had amazing times when he got home and I think my brain is telling me he will be home sometime. He died 7 weeks ago today, totally unexpectedly. He was never ill, but collapsed in the street with a pulmonary embolism. I cannot remember the first couple of weeks due to the shock. We had both taken early retirement just over a year ago and it was great just to be together and do what we want. I also have invitations but am not up to them yet. I am going to my friends to dinner tonight, her husband died at 59 and that is about as much as I can manage.
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Cloudysky
Hope it goes well. The fact your friend has gone through the same will surely help. I’m not the best one to give advice but always remember everyone is different in the way they cope so don’t compare your journey to your friend, just take comfort.
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Hi .y husband passed away suddenly,in june last year,been together for 51 years,married for 46.the summer was our time to.visiting garden centers,sitting our in the garden,just chatting about things.i miss him so much,this grief just sneaks up on you,i can be fine one day,then a song,or tv programme and this ache in your heart,all over again.its the lonlyness is the worse,i go out with my friend on the weekends, and i find that that helps,because they ha e been so great,if you can do that it might make you feel a bit better,you are in my thoughts x
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Hi,
I get that ive been drinking it helps dull it down although l i say that its goes with listening to music crying then dragging myself to bed with my blanket i know i need to cut down and have days off i tell myself i wont have a drink then im there not sure vodka is helping maybe need to try wine i think im intolerant to vodka or i cant switch off x