Another day

Hello again,

At times I look at this new world I’ve been thrown into as an impossible burden and yet here I am, doing the impossible. I manage to get myself out of bed every day and as I wake, I assess how I feel. Usually there’s the depression in the background, waiting to burst forth and become the dominating part of my day. At times if I don’t have to work I just try to go back to sleep, hoping that this will change my mindset. Generally it doesn’t.

And so I drag myself out of bed to face a day of what? Sorrow and pain or perhaps a day of discovery. One where I might just learn a lesson from myself. A day where I might rise from the muck that is my grief and see that little flower sprouting out of the snow, or that wisp of green that signifies the coming of spring.

I do look for the bright spots and sometimes I even see them and feel the warmth inside that can only come from looking past what has dominated my life for almost a year. I don’t want to grieve. I have to grieve and I know this. Still that knowledge doesn’t make it any easier. I’ve learned that writing about it somehow helps. Perhaps because it’s easier to describe what I’m feeling than it is to feel it.

My heart is forever broken. That’s just a fact. Still, with each day that passes I feel like I can accept that fact just a little more. And with acceptance comes peace. With understanding comes peace, and boy am I looking for peace.

This is a really, really hard process but I will find my way to the other side so that I can honor my wife and remember her with happy tears, and remember all of the good times we had together without losing my mind. It’ll come. It has to!

I wish us all peace . . . .


Hi Cclay,
I found yr words both moving and encouraging.
My partner passed away nearly three months ago and some days are better than others but that awful pain and sense of loss continues regardless.
Thank you for sharing yr thoughts.
Take Care .


Reading everyone else’s stories I sometimes feel a bit of a fraud. Steve and I had only been a couple for 13 months, but it was intense, we were inseparable, devoted to each other and in love. So many here have had decades together, I can’t imagine that.
At times I think that, once 13 months have passed since his death, I may start to feel better, as I will have been grieving for longer that we were together.
I can’t imagine it, though.


Hi Sadgirlfriend,
Please don’t ever feel that you are a fraud
,You and Steve had a fabulous 13months together and that is what matters.
I was married for over 30 years but I found love with my new partner and we ‘only’ had four years -yet did so very much and really thought we had both found our soul mate.
Honestly your time together was so precious -always remember that.
Take Care .


Hi , I feel your pain . my partner has passed away. His name is Steve (Steven ) too . We were together for a year and half and we were planning so many things together, looking forward to our future. And it’s gone forever. . Just wanted to send a hug.

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Please never feel that just because you were only together for a relatively short time, your love for each oyher or your srnse of loss, was any less than anyone else in this community. I was with Roger for 42 years, but I’m sure my grief is no worse than yours. The journeÿ we start when we fall in love is only going to end in heartbreak for someone sooner or later, its a horrible fact of life. But I could never not have loved him and I always will.
I agree writing things down does help and I even write to Roger now and again, I know I can’t post them, (the first one went in the coffin with him) but it helps, although I’m usualy cying buckets as I type .
But please, please never feel you’re not entitled to grieve, you had a deep and lasting love for him and you always will
Love and hugs x x


I was with mine for just a year but it was the closest I have ever been with anybody. Length of does not bean that the relationship was any less then any others.
I find cheated that we had so little, so little memories of times together to remember so little photos or things we brought together.i this new word IV been forced into


You were in love, it doesnt matter how long for. The feeling is still the same and so is the pain. Please don’t let anyone ever make you think you shouldn’t be grieving the same as anyone else.
Cherish the photos and mementoes you have and cherish your memories