Another day in this surreal new life …I’ve kept myself busy since getting up at 5am, the fish tank has had a water change and a clean, this was always chrises job, he loved our tropical set up, I’ve had to learn to check the ph levels, clean the filter etc since he passed, i wanted to buy a few more fish today, it made me sad to think of going out and choosing them alone, we always did that together, its the little things 
i hope you all find something to make your day a little easier 
xx
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Morning Eikira, life is so hard isnt it why oh why do the tears not stop, today i am trying to clean ,but my mind is everywhere but the right place. I hope you manage to get the fish , Hugs Jo xxx
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@jevncute I’ve not cried today, so that’s something, I don’t think I have any tears left in me I’ve decided not to go out today, the weather is crap, it makes it all worse somehow doesn’t it? At least if the sun is shining the day feels just a bit more bearable, I’m currently tiling the bathroom floor, don’t know what I’m gonna do when I’ve finished the house! I guess it will then be time to actually leave my cacoon and venture outside again…you do whatever you need to in order to keep your mind semi occupied lovey xx
Are you good at DIY, i am usless I can clean cook etc but dont give me anything with plugs etc. I hate this lonilness its a killer. Hugs Jo xx i am not a sun fan ut doesn’t help with my panic attacks xxx
I’m actually pretty good at it, I was on my own for 5 years before I met Chris do I taught myself to not rely on a man! The loneliness is the worst part I think jo, it can be crushing I’m sorry to hear the sun isn’t much help to you, I just think it makes things a bit more bearable for me if I can do a bit of gardening or just sit outside and read, I’m slowly finding more things to keep my mind and heart from exploding xxx
Awww bless you can you come give me some lessons lol 
, yes the lonilness is a killer i dont have many friends so soend alot of the time alone. I really hate that first time i have ever been realky alone. Xxx
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Deal! Lol! I’m the same jo, I can count my close friends on one hand, it was always just me and Chris, we spent all our time together 
I had a very active social life before we met, but I chose to let alot of it go in order to build a new life with him…I’m supposed to be going away in 2 weekends time with a few of my close girlfriends, part of me wants to go so badly, the other part isn’t sure I can handle it yet, I will cross that bridge when I get to it…our dog has been a huge source of comfort, he sleeps with me, greets me every morning, follows me around like a shadow, I think he knows I need him more than ever now xx
I hope you manage the holiday but i understand your doubts. Likewise all we needed was each other. And i dont know how to make a new life, without him.i wish i could turn back time to have him hold ma would be my every wish. I have a puppy she is 15 weeks old and a little bugger. Me and Gra had a dog but bless he died exactly one week after Gra. Xxx
Aw bless you, that’s so sad, I had horrible dreams that my lil Opie died after I lost Chris, I felt such doom and gloom…it’s nice you have a new puppy now though, they really are such a comfort 
I am leaning towards going, I need it, I think it will do me good and give me the confidence to do it again, my step daughter and I are planning to go abroad together next year to scatter some of Chris’s ashes in one of his favourite places, that will be very scary, I’ve never been on a plane without him, I hate flying, I guess he will be with me in a way? Xx
I have never been abroad I dont think I would like flying, i cant imagine been that far up without an escape route other than with a parachute lol. Yes they do bring comfort just wish she could talk lol . That must have been one hell of a dream. They become family. Xxx
I never dared get on a plane until I met Chris, he had a way or making me feel safe, we went to 7 different parts of Europe together, I don’t think I would ever have done it if I hadn’t been with him, we were so looking forward to returning to Greece in September on our honeymoon I’m not sure I’d want my lil Opie to talk, I have a feeling he’d never be quiet! Lol!! Xx
How long was you and Chris together?Gra and I was married almost 16 yrs together 19. Life is so bloody hard isnt it. Well yes you have a point maybe not a good idea Millie can talk she makes enough noise lol xxx
8 years, he was going to be my 3rd time lucky after doing it twice, I married my best friend straight out of school, had 4 kids, but we grew apart, we were so young! The second one, well, the less said the better! Chris was my person, I felt like I’d waited so long for him! How bloody hard it is eh, 19 years bless you, it’s like your right arm is missing isn’t it? Having to be one again instead of two…I’m dreading the 5th September coming round, knowing I should have been so excited for my wedding day I think me and the dog will definitely take a little trip somewhere that day xxx
Awww bless you like yourself Gra was my third one 1st one i never married thank goodness the only good thing to come out of it was my son. 2nd one steve i met in 2000 he died at just 36 we had only 5 years together almost 3 married. Gra i met in a widow and widowers chat room on aol after both losing partners. Yes totally hard i feel as if a big part of me is missing. Have you any plans where you will go. Xxxx
So you’ve been through this before? Bless your heart life is so cruel at times I am slowly adjusting to being on my own, I’ve done it before, it’s just different this time, it was my choice last time, it wasn’t forced on me like this…i live in Somerset, we have some beautiful places here and nearby, so weather dependent I think somewhere with a nice area to walk and have a bite to eat xxx
Sounds like a nice idea, some where special just to reflect. Wish i had that luxury i suffer from agrophobia so dont go out far from home. Which is in Hull.
Yes unfortunately i have it seens harder this time, last time i had my mum and Dad for support they have both passed and my son was home after a relationship break down. Xxx
Where in Somerset? I too live in Somerset. Lost my husband June 2023 2 days before his birthday. Not really getting easier.
I can’t imagine how hard that all must be for you, not having a close support network or being able to go out have you had help with the agrophobia? Silly question, I’m sure it’s something you’ve tried hard to overcome, i actually love being at home, but ive not really left the house atall since he passed in may & I’m starting to feel a bit closed in, my health hasn’t been great for a while so that’s not helping, I had 2 months bereavement leave & really wanted to return to work to get back into a routine but I’m now signed off sick, i just want to try and get on with life as best i can like we all do xxx
@elkira At least we were together for longer than many. He died a month shy of our 50th wedding anniversary. Also sorry for your loss. You are right about the beautiful countryside. Unfortunately due to my arthritis I am housebound. I just hope you have neighbours as wonderful as mine. The Somerset folk round here are generally kind and generous.