Another dreadful long weekend again. I was always looking forward to long weekends, to Easter etc - now it is just despair and loneliness and tears. I am crying the whole time and shaking all over the place. Yesterday it was not too bad - today is another terrible day. There is no hope and it is not getting better. Why was he taken from me? Why was I not taken at the same time?
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@Annaessex . Know how you feel Weekends are the worse. Do you have family/friends around. Mind you even then sometimes you just want to be on your own. lm 5 months in and each day can be hardwork. The only thing lve learnt is to go with your feelings, cry, sob, wail even shout if thats what you need to do. Dont mind others, you have to let go as the need arises. Small steps. Sending hugs.
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@Annaessex Yes I am just the same and I am supposed to be a masculine male the hunter, protector, provider feel more like a mouse now
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Same as me the weather is lovely and no doubt me and Jane would have headed to the coast for the day. Instead im sat home alone sitting on the balcony wishing i was with Jane right now. Yeah i could go to the coast still but then id feel even worse as my partner in crime has been taken from me, please Jane come get me and save me from this torture 
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Totally agree with everyone here…weekends were once our favourite time of the week…now I hate them…I am totally at a loss as to what to do…
Just end up watching TV…also hate the good weather…because we used to love it…
Now it just makes me sad…can’t even sit in the garden as that was Sandies domine…we used to love it. Three months in and it’s getting worse…feel like I am in limbo…paralysed…lost.
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I know how you are feeling . I am lay in bed with no hope . I can hear people laughing outside and it makes me so sad & so angry . I’m just lay so seeing what me & Bry would be up to now & just want to go wherever Bry is xxxx
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I know how you feel I ask Bry umpteen times a day to please come & get me & told him I’ll continue to every day until he does 
xx
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It’s horrendous isn’t it!!! Today a white butterfly flew past . Usually I’d love then and think ooh nice weather . It just makes me sad & long for Bry even more . The garden is a mess as that’s what Bry would be doing now but although it’s driving me insane just cannot be bothered . I can hear lawnmowers going knowing people will enjoy sitting out in the garden & I feel so alone
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Weekends are so hard to get through, they are just empty and nothing can fill that void. I went to do the weekly food shop this morning and just watching all the couple’s doing theirs together is heart wrenching. I look in the trolley seeing everything for one person and it’s like a knife wound and then loading it into the car, which was always what he did, even looking at the car parking space where we parked, same one for years, without seeing his car there is heartbreaking. Then Saturday night looming ahead with just me, the dog and the TV is soul destroying. Sunday’s where we would randomly go out for lunch. A roast meal for one is too much effort now and then I fast forward to Xmas day, no card or presents, fighting over which tree to choose, wandering round the garden centres looking at all the Xmas stuff and that’s without looking at a summer sat in the garden on my own and no holiday in sight. It’s too much for my brain to comprehend.
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Dear Sarlyn, I am on my own and crying my eyes out. I am in the same position as a lot of the people in this forum. I gave my beloved husband his Valentine’s card and present and a few hours later he was gone. His birthday was in March and I had already his birthday card and present ready for him. I still cannot go to Lidl and every time when I hear the train passing by I think he coming home soon. His car is still on the driveway in front of our house. I want to give the car to his nephew but I also do not want to let it go. When I see couples on the street I try not to cry. The garden is a mess and so is the house because I only can deal with the most urgent things (washing clothes, dishes etc). I do not drive and rely on public transport. I could go to London to visit a museum but I cannot face using the same train my husband took to work, using the same station etc. You are not alone in your grief. Hugs from Anna
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I have taken to on line shopping so I don’t have to go to the supermarket…far too painful
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xx
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I booked flights on 5th March fir us all to Turkey 17 days later he’s not here!!
The plan is still to go as don’t want to let the young ones down but I’m dreading it!!! Down ti nit getting his stuff ready for his case , to the airport , to everything if I’m honest . I’m so close to telling them I not going . I just want to stay in our bed where I feel closest to him
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We booked a week’s holiday in Norfolk but I had to cancel the stay because I don’t drive and there is no public transport available. I was looking forward to going to Roys in Dereham, visiting Norwich again, etc. Now I know I will never go there again because the memories are too painful. I hope that if you are going to Turkey that you will have a good time filled with positive and helpful memories. Hugs from Anna
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Same here I’m afraid. The sun was out this morning but my husband loved the sun, I could almost picture him sunning himself with no top on in his chair, in the back garden. That put me in a bad mood straight away. Now it’s dull and pouring down and matches my mood.
Everything is so much of a chore. I have loads I need to be getting on with in the house but it’s impossibly difficult. I have zero motivation. I have to force myself to not get into bed. I’d happily stay in there all day if I could.
Even if you had endless money there is only so many shops you can go round. It’s all temporary fixes to try and fill the void and escape the pain.
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I say i was quite lucky this year, as i decided to leave it till the last minute to book holiday as Jane wanted to take her grandkids away on hols.
The thought of ever going on another beach holiday fill me with dread as this was the perfect holiday for me and Jane, just lazing around with the biggest decision to make beach or pool. Still cant believe that Jane has gone and left me alone especially when i look at our holiday photos. Just thinking about never going on holiday with Jane again has started the tears 
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Dear Kat1984, I have the same problem to get out of bed. Every morning I wake up and ask myself why am I still here. Why did he not take me with him? I am on my own now. Today for example I did not speak to anyone. It costs so much energy just to do small things like shopping, doing the dishes, cooking, etc. Even reading or listening to music cost energy. In the evening I am completely drained. I suppose you have the same experience. Hugs from Anna
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I lost my husband suddenly just over 2 weeks ago, I torment myself if should have seen any warning signs but there wasn’t. I loved having the house 2 myself for a few hours when he would be out but now I just regret ever enjoying that time now everything is just so empty and always think of the times when he annoyed me and how I’d just live for him to be doing that again and if I’d known what was going to happen why would I have been so annoyed at just stupid little things now I would just be so pleased and grateful if he was still here to do those things. I’m trying to take comfort in that he didn’t suffer and didn’t know anything but also struggle that I didn’t get to say to him all of the things I would like not say to him now although he would already of known how much I loved him and our life together
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Ang35 i lost my partner suddenly 11 weeks ago and im still struggling to cope and every now and then i will think of something i should have done or said to let Jane know just how much i adored her.
I guess its all part of the grief that we torment ourselves with what we shouldn’t or should have said or done.
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Yes everything takes energy, I used to bath or shower twice a day before my grief, now I can go a few days. I rarely go anywhere so think " why bother" this is so not like me.
I didn’t even know this was the reality of people grieving if I’m honest. I’d lost plenty of people in my life including my own dad but it was just occasional sadness. This is totally different. It’s almost debilitating. X
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