I had a not-too-bad day so far - until my elderly neighbour popped in to give me a small key ring. Something about that bad times don’t last forever and you can go through it etc. I know she meant it well but since she gave it to me I started crying again and cannot stop. I am exhausted (actually never stops) and feel down again. Why did I wake up this morning? What is the point of carrying on living? The pain is getting worse. And today is a long lonely Sunday again. What is the point?
8 Likes
@Annaessex life seems so pointless now. Even when we are able to function I always feel what’s the point. What does my life consist of now? I have family but they are getting on with their own lives. There is nothing to look forward to, no one to share the little things with. It’s merely an existence not a life. If anyone further along this journey has any tips or insight I would love to hear them.
4 Likes
I know what you mean. We were always caring for each other. As I had operations - my lovely husband helped me and cared for me. When he was sickly I was there for him. Now I am on my own and nothing makes sense anymore. Life is just horrible now and an everlasting nightmare. I was thinking to join a face-to-face bereavement group as I cannot join an online group because my laptop is such old without a camera etc. My husband knew about computers. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
2 Likes
@Annaessex I am on the waiting list for bereavement counselling with both Cruse & MacMillan. Cruse is telephone or video call and is 1 to 1. MacMillan is group and in person. I feel a group would be more what I need. Like this forum but in person, hopefully. Sending hugs to you too
1 Like
Thank you. Hugs from Anna
@Annaessex I Google bereavement support groups and found a free bereavement support group course for 8 weeks. I went last week. There are 11 of us. It is a local funeral home that runs them in different areas a few times a year Maybe if you Google you might have something in your area Xx
3 Likes
Thank you. Hugs from Anna
I lost Pen 22 weeks ago. The first few weeks were a blur. The next few were raw, not wanting to live. Not wanting to make a hash up of trying to go etc etc. The crying continued throughout. The wailing and writhing in pain seemed non stop and the emotional and physical exhaustion endless.
She was my rock, my soulmate and I had to watch her die whilst holding her hand. I think I have ptsd.
Now, this has somehow eased slightly. I feel guilty it has eased and I miss her SO much. Especially on sunny days.
But it has eased…………
I hope this helps……….
2 Likes
@Milly456 thank you. It’s nice to know that it does ease at least a bit. Because right now it’s unbearable. Only 7 weeks for me and today is my husband’s birthday 
3 Likes
I think it is the raw unadulterated pain that eases a bit Jan. I still can’t quite grasp that Pen has gone and I think somehow the body goes into autopilot or survival mode so that we can cope day to day. So sorry for your loss. It is unbearable but you will get through each day somehow and this community so helps you in not feeling alone with your pain. Take care of yourself and just do whatever you need to do to manage………. Tis very early days. 
2 Likes
Hi jan 6 weeks for me and its still.raw .we have to give ourselves time and it is a real lonely place my family not around .Apart from one close frien d im alone so feel like you nothing to look forward too we will continue to help.each other best we can xxx
2 Likes
@Hope5 sorry for your loss. I have a very supportive daughter and a step daughter & friends. So in some ways I’m fortunate. We can help each other on this awful journey. Sending hugs.
1 Like