Last night, I could not sleep at all - again. I was dog tired, but as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was fully awake, tossing and turning. I tried everything: hot milk with honey, sleep teas, tablets, meditation, etc. I might have found no sleep because they scheduled to collect a few bags of Philmore’s clothes today, and I feel guilty. I am so exhausted and overwrought that I am sitting here and crying my eyes out again. I feel so stupid. My birthday is coming up and will be the second time I am alone. Yes, my friends will contact me but it is not the same. Sending hugs and love and hope you all have a better day today.
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@Annaessex I have been thinking of you as first time on here for weeks. I wondered how you have been doing. This grief that we have is like a constant companion coming and going, massive waves and triggers. I had a massive meltdown at the weekend with a scream and crying. I feel much better letting it all out.
I am also fine the second year harder as the first year I was in shock and numb. This year is more reality that we are not going to see our love ones again. Don’t feel guilty about your husband clothes…he be so proud of you that you are still here, surviving.
Take care and big hugs xx
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It’s understandable you didn’t sleep with the letting go of some of your husbands clothes and also your birthday coming up. They are huge triggers and reminders of your loss and the clothes are the letting go of a bit more of him. Birthday’s are one of the most difficult days, I now put my husband’s card up on the mantlepiece because I couldn’t cope seeing the empty space there ,where 54 birthdays card have always been in that spot. It did bring me some comfort and may or may not work for you. Try to let some happy memories filter through of all your past birthdays, he may not be here physically with you but his love will be, as it is every day. Nobody can fill that love so we have to embrace it in whatever way we can. I hope on your special day you can get through it with lots of love in your heart and you can feel his arms wrapped round you
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