Another roller-coaster day/weekend

I started crying again and calling out for my beloved husband asking why am I not with you, why am I not dead? I hate my existence and it seems there is no hope. It all comes now in waves. One minute I am okayish, the next minute I am on the floor bawling my eyes out, then a bit better and I even get small things done, the next minute I am on the couch crying and shaking all over the place, etc. Is this normal or am I just losing my mind? I tried to keep myself busy but my thought are always racing and I cannot stop thinking about my nightmare future without him. I tried meditation and going for a walk but it does not help me at all. And now another dreadful weekend to survive. Sending lots of love and hugs to everyone.


Hi i know your struggling its early days for us .Im not sure what normal is but we can only feel what we feel and go through the pain .its nearly 12 weeks for me and i do see small flickers of hope sometimes .I feel hes with me and still looking after me in some ways .its best if you can just concentrate on the now this day only .If we start catastrophing it drives us mad .Councilling or berevment groups may help.we are all here to listen love hope xxx


I lost my husband in January and I often get those days when it’s all I can do is push myself to get things done. Other days, it’s more manageable.
It’s a part of grieving and the fact that we loved our partners so very much and it’s agony not having them with us.
I am having counselling which hasn’t helped me a great deal although talking helps. I have been given some ‘homework’. Two columns; positive and negative feelings. The problem is, it’s bringing back all the awful times from when he was diagnosed with evil cancer to when I was his carer and then passing away. I’m not too sure I can do it as I have tried this morning and I am sobbing.
We are having his ashes interred in the churchyard in the small village where he was born, his wish and my promise, although it isn’t very near to where we have lived. The delay has been due to close family coming from the US and wanting to bring children when they were out of school.
I am absolutely dreading it and hope I can get through it without being too emotional.
Love and hugs xxx


Hello, you are not going made you’re grieving, I remember thinking I was going mad.

As another poster has said only think about today, do not think past that, you can only deal with so much don’t overload yourself.

I found that I had to make myself do things, for example an hour a day I would force myself out of the front door, usually when it was dark & just walk around, it seems to help my thoughts, I’d also give 30 mins a day to switching my brain off & doing chores & always made sure that I had eaten at least one meal.

I felt detached for quite some time, like I wasn’t part of the world for a long time but it improved with time.

You will find your own way through this & just know that you are at the worst point so the only way is up, which you will do in time.


Thank you all for your kind and positive messages. I thought I was the only one feeling completely detached from the rest of the world. It is like watching myself doing things or talking to people. I will try to get out later to do a few things in the garden but it looks like rain. Well, to be honest, the sunshine goes on my nerves. I wish I would live in a nicer area with a nice secure park or forest but our town is not very nice for taking a walk. Sorry, don’t want to complain the whole time. I actually don’t want to move although the house and garden have to be sorted out. I will take one step after another. Thank you again for all your kind words and support. Hopefully, I will get counseling soon. Might that will help me to sort my thoughts and feelings. Sending lots of love and hugs to all.


Know the feeling,it was my husband Birthday on Friday ,I went to the cemetery on Thursday with flowers and to play my husband favorite songs and had a meltdown ,
It has been 8 months now since Dave passed
But not getting any easier it’s definitely like been on a rollercoaster
I did go out with a friend,on my husband Birthday for a meal
Have our Wedding Anniversary coming up in September,dread coping with that ,
I think the 1st of everything after losing your
Soulmate is just heartbreaking
Take care and big hugs to you all on here