Having lost both my husband and sister in the same year I’ve been dealing with the loss of my life partner and my elder sister.
I’ve moved closer to family as they’re concerned because I’m in my 70s, have poor health and am disabled.
I’ve been coping reasonably well.
My Son in Law lost his Dad in January this year. His mother now expects me to entertain her, buy her meals even though she’s healthy and more mobile than I am and better off.
If I arrange something she expects to be invited and I pay for her. I don’t drive, she does but I have to make my way to meet her.
I’m still dealing with my own grief and not able to take her on.
The family are aware of this and understand. They don’t want me to be an unpaid companion.
Unfortunately she’s not got many friends and doesn’t want to talk to anyone. She completely drains me.
I’ve tried to meet part way but it’s always her on terms.
Now I avoid her.
She’s also being very demanding with her family. They work full time but she expects them to drop everything to rush to hers.
I know grief is tough and we are all different. People have gone out of their way to support her, but she’s already driven people away.
I reached out to help her while I’m still dealing with a lot myself.
I’d say she could do with counselling but doubt she’d accept it.
It’s a difficult one.
You are not her husband or her wallet. Just say “no”. The key to happiness is to hang out with people whom you really like, who also really like you. You are being mistreated here. Nip it in the bud.
Much love.
Narcissists, which is what she is, can only believe the world revolves about only them, and never think of others issues.
If you stand up to them, they turn on you.
Ive just been there, and when I avoided playing ball with her, I got abusive emails each hour, probably about 10 of them!!
Because its upsetting you, just dont engage. Talk to us instead.
@Sue222 please don’t let that person undo all you have achieved since the loss of your own husband and sister. I echo all that @PeachesDixon and @tykey have said. I have found that grief has made me a much stronger person if somewhat intolerant. I now only surround myself with those who enhance my life. All others have been banished. Stay strong @Sue222 and keep your distance.
Thank you for you lovely reply. You are absolutely right. I’d thought because we’d had an experience in common we could help each other. Sadly it’s not the case.
I’m taking your wise advice 
I’m sure you are100% right. That’s exactly what it’s been like. I’m steering clear.
Thank you
Thank you. You’re spot on.
I’ve been doing reasonably well but she’s triggered me.
I can’t help her but she’s capable of undermining me. I’m lucky to have great friends
All relationships must be give and take. It is unconscionable that she lets you “make your way” to her place when she has a car and drives and you do not - PARTICULARLY as you have a disability and she does not.
It is ridiculous that when you include her in an outing, she expects you to pay her way.
If she suggests an outing, tell her that you can only go if she picks you up and pays her own way and you will chip in for petrol. We call it “Dutch Treat” here.
Much love.