Hello. I am needing to talk about how I am feeling and struggling to cope with what’s happening in my life. My beautiful, kind lovely mum was taken into hospital with pneumonia first time around and discharged. She had to go in again 4 weeks later with the same thing. While in the hospital she fell in their care and broke her hip. Because she was on oxygen and had pneumonia still they basically fobbed us off saying they were not prepared to help mum anymore. Leaving her on a busy, noisy ward with a broken hip to die in a corner basically. We managed to get her to our local hospice which was a godsend. She is still their two weeks on trying to stay with us as she is so strong and determined. I feel like my life has been ripped from under me. She had been making progress before the fall and we had hoped she would eventually come home. I cant believe how our lives have changed in 3 weeks since the fall. Going from imagining mum back here to her being in a hospice on end of life care. It feels so unfair for her. She cant move out of bed which is such a hard thing for her as she was also so independent and active. I lost my dad when I was 16 and me and mum got each other through it. We became each other’s rocks and she was my person, my best friend. The one I could talk to about anything and know she was there to help me and support me. I am finding it hard to be in the house without her as everything feels so strange and odd. Its an awful feeling when you have lived somewhere for 41 years. I dont feel settled anywhere really. The only time I feel settled is sitting with mum. I know we will never have the same life we did before all this and although she is still here and I can visit her, i feel like that part of my life has gone already. I keep praying for a miracle for her. I honestly dont know how I will make it through the days without her. I have never felt pain like it already when I think of not having her at all. I have two older sisters who said I need to get strong and get through it. The difference is they are 20 years older and have their own homes and families. They had that separation a long time ago. I never got married or had children, it was always me and my mum at home. I did meet a partner a few years ago but I still lived with mum. I just dont think they could ever really understand the difference or the bond me and mum had. I know they love her too but for me it feels different. My partner is very supportive but he can only help so much and I dont want to overwhelm one person with all these feelings. I think I just needed to write down how I feel. I honestly feel so lost and was not expecting this to happen to my poor mum. Xx
Hello Becky29.
I read your heartbreaking and sad message about your beloved mum. You are different entirely to your sisters. Living with your mum all your life isn’t the same as your sisters who probably left home for their own lives and called occasionally. They do not have the bond or the deep loving relationship that you and your mum have.
Ignore those comments Becky. Get strong and get through it. You are strong in your own way and you are there for your mum and always have been which is the main thing.
I know this is such a difficult situation for you. Obviously you never expected or wanted any of this. Keep visiting your mum as you do. I just want you to know that even though I am a stranger, I am thinking of you and send you all my blessings and best wishes.
I have been in your situation. I know Becky. All my best wishes Stephen 
Hi Stephen. Thank you so much for your lovely message. Yes me and mum are very close and share a very strong bond. She became my mum and dad figure and she often said I kept her going when my dad passed away as she did me. I would see and speak to mum every day. We just understood each other and can make each other laugh like nobody else. We just got one another if that makes sense. I will treasure each day I have left with her, however long that may be. I hope you are ok x
Thank you Becky.
It is so lovely to hear of the close bond and special relationship that you and your mum have. I know you treasure it and so you should. You are exceptional and your beautiful mum knows this. Not everyone has this deep bond with their mums.
I did. I lived with mam for 60 and a half years and we were inseparable. Mam passed away 6 months ago.
Keep as positive as you can Becky. Your mum will know you are always with her at her bedside. You are both blessed. A wonderful daughter and loving, caring and beloved mum .
Sending you all my best wishes and kindest thoughts. Stephen
You remind me so much of myself. I had also lived with my mam most of life (she and I brought my daughter up after my marriage failed and my ex passed away 2 years later), and the impact of losing her has hit me like nothing else has. I also have my partner and he is great, but he lost his mum 3 weeks after I lost mine so he is also grieving as well as making sure his dad is ok.
I have the guilt with my mam as she went into rehab to do some physio and to assess further needs or assistance. She was in a wheelchair full time and I was struggling with her transfers, and she had been to this private rehab prior to this to after a 10 weeks hospital stay. Most of the staff there are wonderful, and mam was cared for very well, but she had chronic kidney disease and deteriorated while she was there. She was transferred to hospital where I was told her kidney function was 6% and that she was going to pass away within days. I was left to tell her this news. They admitted her and she wasn’t going well at all and we were preparing for her to pass when she started to pick up again. After 3 weeks there they transferred her back to rehab, and while I knew things could still go either way, she deteriorated very quickly and ended up unable to get out of bed at all. I sat with her every day for the next 3 weeks watching her get worse, until I asked about palliative care. The visiting doctor agreed with me, and I moved into the hospital to be with her fulltime, which sadly was only a couple of days. She passed with me holding her hand and talking to her just after 11.15pm on a Saturday night. The pain I feel over losing her is terrible. I play that night over and over every time I close my eyes, and watching her take her last breath is something I still can’t process. I feel guilty that she went to rehab but I had no option at the time because I needed help and there was no way she was going into aged care. I have no siblings and had no outside help, and my dad passed just over 30 years ago so it was her and I against the world for a very long time. I am finding moving on almost impossible, and dealing with day to day exhausting. I don’t like going out and when I do I find it very stressful to the point I cry most times.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Sending you hugs xx
Hi Stephen. I am so sorry to hear about your lovely mam. I bet she was a wonderful lady. We are very blessed to have had such great mothers. Im glad to speak to someone who understands the bond you have when you have lived together and been best friends for such a long time. It hits you in many different ways, ways you do not even think of until it happens. I spent most of the day with mum. Although I am glad she is somewhere being looked after it breaks my heart to leave her there. To come back home and be here without her causes me a terrible pain inside to the point I feel like screaming out loud to get rid of it. I think my brain tries to accept what is happening but I dont think I ever really will. I imagined my mum being well into her 90s dancing and singing away as she always did. Life can be very cruel to the good ones. Take care x
I am so sorry to hear about your lovely mam. It does sound like we are all very similar the bond we have with them. I understand your feelings of guilt too. Mum was not herself when she came out of hospital the first time. We were told she would likely feel this way as her body recovered but I should of pushed for more help in those weeks after. I was trying to help her get better but never realised the pneumonia had never really gone. I blame myself that she went back to hospital unwell. She kept feeling anxious and low mood but I should of realised there was still a lung issue. I feel I failed her in that respect regardless of what anyone tells me and this is kind of my penance for not taking more notice. You did your best though for her. It is hard to cope alone with these things and places like rehab and hospitals are meant to be there to help people. That’s why we trust them. I have no doubt you did your absolute best for her. I feel the anxiety too. I haven’t been able to go anywhere or to see people other then my mum, sisters and partner. I feel it will only get worse. Sending love to you and also your partner who lost there lovely mum too. Xx
Hello Becky
Thank you for your message. My mam also loved a bit of dancing when she was younger like your mum loved dancing. She also loved listening to music too. I made us a variety of playlists on Amazon. Mam was 82 and couldn’t stand to dance but she danced in her chair. I have a couple of videos of her doing that.
I can empathise with you Becky about returning to an empty home. You do feel like screaming out and crying. Before mam came home under palliative care, she was in hosptal for 3 weeks. I was sat at her side every day from 9.00am to 9.00pm. When i got home I was so used to us both being at home together. I was so sad.
Now for the first time in 60 and a half years I am living on my own. It is heartbreaking and sad.
Thinking of you and sending you all my blessings Becky. Kindest wishes. Stephen.
Thank you for your reply Stephen. It is so hard isnt it readjusting to home without them. It sounds like you were a wonderful son and your mam would of known how much you loved and cared for her. I have been at the hospice since 9am. Unfortunately my mum had a bad turn with her oxygen and the doctor wasnt sure if she would make the night. I told my siblings this and they decided they would visit tomorrow as she will likely still be here. I have found that has hurt more than anything in a way. Knowing mum is so unwell. Im glad me and mum had each other as I dread to think of her alone most of the day and evenings here. As lovely a place it is, it is not like being at home. X
Good morning Becky.
It is so hard readjusting Becky and I still haven’t got used to being on my own. I probably never will.
Thank you for all your kind words about me and mam. I really appreciate them especially as you are having such an emotional time.
I am sorry to hear that your beautiful mum has taken a turn. I feel for you . You are a wonderful, loving supportive daughter and the reaction of your siblings when you told them is beyond belief. To behave as they did is inexcusable.
The main thing to think Becky is that you are there for your mum. You have always been together and you are with your mum loving and caring for her.
Thank you again Becky. God bless. Sending you all my fondest wishes and support. Stephen.
Hi Stephen. How was your day? Thank you for your reply. I went to see mum today. She needed more pain relief for her hip and back so wasnt as talkative. I feel like the broken hip has robbed us of so much. I am sorry to talk about mum as i know she is still with me at the moment and should treasure these times. I feel bad as you are going through your own grief. But I feel like the life as I knew it with mum being healthy and us sitting together or going out together has now ended. I returned home and a TV series we always watched together has started up again. I just can’t bring myself to watch it as its too sad without mum. Even going shopping is hurtful as i would always pick stuff up for her and we would be looking at the Christmas items already in. We both love this time of year usually. It just reminds me painfully of how my life has changed already. I am of course grateful I can still see her and talk to her etc but it is bittersweet unfortunately as it reminds me of an old life. I just wish everything could go back to how it was. I still pray for a miracle but I know that is too much to ask now x
Good morning Becky.
I am glad you got to see your mum yesterday even though she wasn’t as alert due to pain medication. As you have said, it will be heartbreaking for you and the main thing currently is that your lovely mam is there and you are both there for each.
Every day Becky is a sad day. Mam passed away at home on Saturday the 21st of March under palliative care. We had a NHS bed in our dining room. I was with her all of the time. So every Saturday at 11.40am until 11.50am I go into the dining room and sit in the chair in the same place where I was sat when mam passed away at 11.45am.
People have said that it doesn’t help me but I feel the need to do it and want to do it.
There are a lot of firsts coming up Becky. My first birthday on November the 20th without mam and my first Christmas without mam.
Me and mam mainly loved the build up to Christmas. Buying and wrapping presents. Buying and writing Christmas cards. A few decorations up. We bought a new tree and a new lovely decoration for the living room window last Christmas.
Thank you for your message Becky. I hope you get the chance to visit your mum today. Sending you all my kindness and best wishes Stephen