Hi.
My name is Amanda and I am 42 years old.
I have always had a very close bond with my Dad - he has always been my safety net.
And I have always dreaded the day when he would get old and leave me.
Well, it looks like that day is fast approaching and my mind is a constant buzz of thoughts and fears.
My Dad has suffered ill health for serveral years, first suffering a heart attack and then eing diagnosed with COPD.
In March this year he was diagnosed with vascular dementia.
We are now dealing with my Mum wanting to nurse him at home and my Dad becoming more confused and falling at least once a day. He’s hurting himself and every fall is making him frailer.
He has lost a lot of weight and spends the majority of his time in bed now.
My Mum has warned us all that things are progressing fast, and the doctor has signed a 'do not resuscitate ’ form.
I can feel my heart breaking already and the fear is evoking a lot of anxiety in me.
A part of me wants him to stop fighting, close his eyes and the suffering will stop.
Another part of me is terrified of never seeing him again.
Dementia is a cruel disease and we are literally watching him die every day a little bit.
And then, eventually we will have to grieve all over again.
Any advice on how to cope and take care of my own mental state would be appreicated.
Thank you
Hi @Manz82,
I’m Kate, a member of the Sue Ryder Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
You might also want to look at our article on anticipatory grief - Anticipatory Grief - Grieving Before Someone Dies | Sue Ryder
It may also be helpful to contact Dementia UK as they have a range of information available online and a dementia helpline which may be a support to you and your mum - Information and support - Dementia UK
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Kate
Sue Ryder Online Community team