anticipatory grieving

Hello. I’ve just joined this group because a family member is now on what I perceive is palliative rather than curative treatment. I feel hugely upset and can hardly think straight. I hope that by joining others we can mutually support each other because dying and the death of our loved ones comes to us all at some point.

Hi Elke,

Welcome to the Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that a family member has moved on to palliative treatment. It is very common to feel that you start grieving from when you get this diagnosis.

I hope that it might help a tiny bit to be able to write things down here. There are many others here who understand what you are going through. You may find it helpful to read some of their experiences here:

If you need any information, or just want someone to talk to, Marie Curie also has a really good helpline: 0800 090 2309.

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Hello Elke
I too have a close family member who is receiving palliative care. I feel I’m already grieving too. Grieving for the person they were. Thinking of how they used to do this and that. I don’t know what else to say…only that I understand how you are feeling. X

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Hello Elke and Lottie

My heart goes out to you both. I have just arrived home after apending the day with my son, he was admitted last night and just as he was settling this evening, they moved him yet again to a ward where three other older men are. There are no beds at the Hospice and I feel it would be a much better place for him but I am powe

His breathing is very laboured and like you both, have been grieving for my son for the past year. I wish you both well and it is very comforting to know I am not alone and I understand your grief, thank you for sharing . X

Hello Janine
I’m sorry to hear about your son.
We are here for you. It seems so lonely at times but there is such good support. Can you visit when you want?

Hello Lottie, my daughter died at the beginning of the week well cared for in a hospice. I was only able to see her only by the time she was unconscious which was two hours before she died. I’d have loved so much to have held her hand while she was still conscious and I am struggling with this situation having been her wishes and now not being able to see her alive again. I wish you well. Elke

Hi Elke,

I am so sorry to hear about the death of your daughter and that you didn’t get to see her while she was conscious. I am thinking of you at this difficult time.

If you need to talk at any time, we also have a section on this community for those coping with the death of a loved one:

Yes, Priscilla, I will want to change to the end of life section/coping with the death of a loved one. Thank you.

All the sections on this site are open to all members so you can start a conversation there whenever you feel ready.

Elke so very sorry to hear this sad news. Your heart will always be full of your daughter. Sending you love and hugs xxx

Hi Elke
How are you doing at the moment?Priscilla suggested we get in contact as I’m in a similar situation to you at the moment.My Dad has bladder cancer and now secondaries in his lungs and because he’s already had loads of chemo and radiotherapy in the past from a previous cancer they can’t do any more for him :frowning: .Its now just palliative care and very hard watching him decline fairly quickly. Mum isn’t reacting well as she’s sort of blaming him for being ill and leaving her and I can’t bear to witness this.I also get it in the neck from mum as I see them every day,but my brother can’t do any wrong. Anticipatory grief is hard to deal with as they’re still with us,but we’re preparing for when they’re not,so hard and I’m up and down every day. I had to talk to dad the other day about his funeral and end of life wishes which was horrible,but necessary as I want to get it right for him. What’s happening with you at the moment?If it helps to chat please talk to me on here,I find someone you don’t know is a bit easier to say what you truly feel. Keep strong!Ruth xx

Hi Ruthie,

I have split your post off into a new conversation here: - follow the link to check out the replies.