In February this year we lost my beautiful dad to cancer. We were very close and my whole family adored him. He was a remarkable 88 year old, who was mentally and physically much younger than his years. He was incredibly fit, enjoying an active life for a year up to his diagnosis. We never thought of him as an age, as he was so fit and so positive. He handled chemo and immunotherapy with the same motivation he exercised in life, and we understood his cancer had been pretty much eradicated by the treatments.
Sadly in February dad became breathless, and we were informed the cancer had spread to his lung and liver. Within 3 weeks of this news dad died at home with us all around him. We were heartbroken as a family and I found myself being very emotional both in the months before dad died and on and off over the past few weeks. I have been taking antidepressants for many years now and I was relieved that the tears came as it felt like a real release from the sadness I am feeling inside.
It will be five weeks from dad’s death when his funeral date arrives. Sometimes it still feels unreal and I worry that it hasn’t hit me properly yet?? Am I coping too well? Occasionally I also question whether being on anti depressants shields me from the full impact of the loss of dad. I have been functioning well on anti depressants for many years so much so that I would be loathe to change anything. I do worry though that they might be masking some of the pain.
I’m really sorry you’re facing such a difficult time. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Please do speak with your GP about your medication and you can also ask them about being referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
So sorry for your loss, your grief is very raw and very early. This probably isn’t the time to consider reducing your medication. You have to discuss it with your GP further down the line. Grief is horrible enough without worrying about your medication especially if there are no side effects. Take care.
My sympathies for your loss. Most are in shock the first months, especially if it’s been a sudden loss, so don’t worry if it feels unreal. We all grieve differently, some cry a lot and others don’t, and sometimes it takes a while before the emotions come through. I too have been on antidepressants for a long time and it didn’t really mask the grief for me. Unfortunately, one might say. Try not to think about it, you are on them now and they work for you. It wouldn’t be good to experiment with the dosage at this point, as that could make you feel worse.
I also lost my dad in February. My first major loss. I was really close to my dad and was there pretty much every day and managed his end of life care with my mum. I’m lost at the minute and feel my depression creeping back which has been under control for many years. Also the added pressure/ guilt that I should return to work isn’t helping. Sending lots of love to you.
Thank you Victoria for your reply and I too am so sorry for your loss. Yes dad was my first significant loss as well and my family and I did all of the end of life care for dad. I live a 90 minute drive away so I was staying regularly for months while dad was having chemo and then full time in the last three and a half weeks of dad’s life. It was emotionally very difficult to see dad so vulnerable as he has always been full of life and much younger than his years. I still find it hard to believe he’s gone. I absolutely adored him, we all did . We have his funeral next week and I feel very nervous about it. Praying for the strength to get through. Thinking of you at this very sad time. They will be in our hearts always
It sounds like you understand your depression really well so I would say trust your instincts and consider talking it through with your GP. It’s my belief that that living with depression takes an enormous amount of courage and strength, so remind yourself how resilient you’ve been. You are not alone here in this space and you will get through this
Most are in shock the first months, especially if it’s been a sudden loss, so don’t worry if it feels unreal. We all grieve differently, some cry a lot and others don’t, and sometimes it takes a while before the emotions come through. I too have been on antidepressants for a long time and it didn’t really mask the grief for me. Unfortunately, one might say. Try not to think about it, you are on them now and they work for you. It wouldn’t be good to experiment with the dosage at this point, as that could make you feel worse.