My doctor put me on different antidepressants last week. I was struggling with my moods, up and down, and the anxiety and desolation I was feeling in the mornings was awful. Trouble is, yes this medication is really helping, no anxiety, mood stable, but emotionally I am now stunted, not feeling anything much at all. My beautiful daughter passed 6 weeks ago now, and I need the grief and tears, it’s a process that we need to go through, albeit a dreadfully painful one. I have cried bucket loads, until the last few days. I even managed to go to the woodland on Saturday to sit with her at her resting place. I managed it without falling apart, and it actually helped me, to sit there and talk to her. Don’t know what to do for the best really, whether to stop taking them and go back to the anxious, fragile person again, or stay with them. I guess it’s early days and will give them a bit longer. Thanks for listening all, thinking of each and every one of you who finds yourselves travelling this journey of incredible pain after losing your darling child.
Hi. I’m so very sorry for your loss. 
I haven’t lost a child, but I do have experience with anti-depressants. They can be helpful, but also make it more difficult to access your emotions, exactly like you describe. It takes a while for the body to adjust to them, so giving it some time is a good idea. I don’t know how high a dose you’re on now, but one option might be to taper down to a lower dose and see how that feels. I hope you have a doctor that you can talk to properly, so you can discuss these things. Wishing you peace and light. 
Lydia, I am so very sorry that your daughter died. I can’t imagine the heartbreak of losing a child. But, take the meds. You don’t have to suffer so. The meds are doing exactly what they are designed to do, calm your mood swings and anxiety.
You will still grieve and cry, but you will be in better control and function better. I’ve been on ADs for 26 years and will be forever. They saved me from myself.
It is okay to not cry constantly. It doesn’t mean you didn’t love your daughter or don’t feel the loss in your very soul. The meds are like a life boat when your ship is sinking. Jump aboard.
Much love.
Thank you ladies, your replies were very helpful. It is early days for me, both with my loss and the antidepressants. I too have been on AD’s for many years, on and off, but the one I was on was ok until recently when I lost my darling Sarah, and because of my age I couldn’t increase it, hence she put me on this one. Gradually cutting the old one out, and introducing the new one. Only on 15mg right now so not a high dose. They have really enabled me to cope some, and not to be overwhelmed by that horrible desolate anxiety each morning is such respite, it was really overwhelming me. I will stick with for now and see how it goes. Thanks again ladies, much love xx
I know exactly what you are talking about. I lost my son three months ago and the mornings and early evenings were unbearable. Two weeks ago my doctor gave me sertraline and I felt numb. However I must be getting used to them as I’ve cried a lot today. I actually felt really bad about not crying but would our loved ones want us to be so upset all the time? When I look back to pre prescription days it was horrific, my every waking thought was torture. I hope you find what’s right for you x
Dear All,
I lost my 28 year old son on the 28th October this year and his funeral was on the 22nd November. Whilst he was ill I was taking Sertraline and have recently upped the dose. I know they have a cumulative effect. I also take Zopiclone to help me sleep. As far as I am concerned I will do anything to help me get through the day (and night) and don’t think anyone should feel any reluctance or shame. My doctor is good in talking me through things. I agree with Ali76 crying and being upset all the time is not what our children would have wanted. x
I’ve had to stop taking sertraline after 3.5 weeks as they gave me terrible muscle twitches in my legs. It was so bad at one point I felt like I’d hiked up a mountain. I’m just taking stuff to help me sleep at the minute . I hope all are doing ok, I’m up and down like a yo-yo but I seem to be coping better at the minute, though miss my beautiful son so much. Life as I knew it is over and it’s heartbreaking x
That’s odd - I got leg twitches with Met (something or other) another anti depressant. I have taken Sertraline for quite a while - since my son was re diagnosed with a grade four brain tumour. Died 28th Oct. Still not totally sure Sertraline helps but maybe it is a placebo effect.
Anyway I take Zopiclone at night - usually works but didn’t last night (horrible night).
Same here, up and down - at times I think, I can do this, others really not sure. My husband is nervous about Christmas, no George at the table. Neither of us can work anymore (so adding money worries to the mix). I said put up a tree today and then it upset me - my husband offered to take it down but I said no, try to put up a front for other people.
Life IS over as we knew it - but trying to make plans and keep busy.
Maybe your GP can recommend a different anti-depressant if you feel you need something…
It is unbelievable that this has happened to us all, why, why, why - sending best wishes.
xxxx
Life is just horrific at times. I’ve got rid of my tree but I’ve made a display with fairy lights and things my son and daughter made at school when they were little. I hate my life now my happiness has been snatched away.
I had a terrible night last night and I’m overwhelmed with grief today. I just want my boy back .