Anxiety after loss of my dad

Hi
My dad died suddenly yesterday and I don’t think I’m coping very well. I’m having waves and waves of anxiety and panic attacks that I can’t seem to get on top of.
Im finding it hard to eat anything and everything feels completely overwhelming.
Tomorrow I have to start to help mu mum go through all the official things and im dreading it.
Had anyone any advice? x

Hi nettles,

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s such an awful time for you.
My mum died suddenly 19 weeks ago during a routine operation and I have struggled enormously.
My world has ended particularly as my dad died suddenly 21 years ago so I’m now without them both.
What I would say is, your dad only died yesterday. You are still in shock but that shock will carry you through the next few weeks. Arrangements for the funeral need to be done, friends and family need to be told and you will be so busy that you will hardly have time to think.
Take things one hour at a time, rest when you can and dont expect too much of yourself.
Oh and grieve as much as you can. I have cried every day for 4 months but the crying is a pressure valve that has to be released.
As the time goes on, you can start to take things day by day. I cang say things will be ok because they wont, nothing will ever be the same again but you suddenly find that you are sleeping a bit better, get your appetite back and start getting used to them being gone.
Come on here whenever you need to as well, this site has been a live saver for me.
Cheryl x

Thank you. That’s lovely. It really helps to talk to someone who understands. Xxx

There are plenty of us on here trust me. I’ve got conversations going with several people who have recently lost a parent and it’s only those people that we all want to talk to.
Was your dads death expected or sudden?
Have you got support around you?
Cheryl x

My main emotion when mum was in hospital and then when she died was anxiety. I felt like I had been plugged into a socket. My whole body was jittery and I couldn’t stand still. I didn’t eat a thing. I didn’t sleep and I cried so much. However I still didn’t quite believe what was happening. Each day you will find your emotions change. They change by the hour sometimes. You literally just have to take it hour by hour. My appetite came back with avengence. And I slept for 12-14 hours a day exhausted. It’s the most bizarre painful experience and each feeling and emotion you mustn’t fight just go with it and know that it’s part of shock and grief.

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As Cheryl said. Your adrenaline will take you through the next few weeks past the funeral. Shock and numbness will keep you together for a bit. After the funeral reality sets in and everything takes on a whole new meaning. It’s a long hard road. I’ve only just started on my road. It really really helps coming on here and talking. It’s such a lonely experience as no one understands unless they have been through it

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Hi Cheryl,
He’d been ill for a while but seemed to be improving. They decided to take him in to hospital on Thursday to do tests but he was still himself and expecting to conne home. He went downhill rapidly over Friday night and died Saturday morning,
just after were got there. In some ways it was a blessing that he went so quickly and didn’t suffer, but it’s just hard to accept. x

It really does help to talk to people who understand. I’m dreading having to go to mum’s and start the official stuff. When im in my home I can pretend everything’s ok, but his absence will be everywhere st their house.
I think im trying to sort everything out at once rather than processing what’s happened and that’s overwhelming.
Taking it hour by hour is a good idea.
Thank you xxx

Joules and I both try to comfort ourselves with how quickly our mums died and I’m sure in time we both will see this, but at the moment the pain of losing them is just so strong.
I thought I would be coping better by the 4 month mark but I’m actually worse. I think its because the further time goes on, the further I’m getting away from her.
I have a cold at the moment and im so upset. I’m 48 and have always had my mum to tell that im not feeling well.
It’s so surreal when they leave you.
Look after yourself and if you want any advice please ask. I’ve arranged mums funeral, her order of service, been through probate,solicitors everything.
Cheryl x

I have a terrible cold too feeling unwell today. Mum and I would text back and forth asking if I was ok. And she would buy me my medicines and tell me to wrap up warm. It’s getting harder as their absence becomes even more obvious and they become further and further away.

My first visit to mums house after she died was hard and it still doesn’t get easier. My dad has left her shoes and coat by the front door and it kills me. None of it is easy but you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. And somehow you just do it. I don’t know how. But you just do.

Thank you xxx
I’m so sorry for your loss too. I’m 50 and I still need my mum when I’m ill . I hope you feel better soon xxx
Thank you for your offer of support. I will no doubt take you up in that once I’ve hit my head round what needs doing.
Thank you so much for replying to me. I can’t explain how much it’s helped xx

I know. We are but I still struggle to believe it’s actually happened and that I will never see her again x

Hope you feel better soon.
Would it be on if I messaged you tomorrow after I’ve gone through everything?

Yes of course, please do x

My mum passed away only three weeks ago. The first week I’d had out of the blue shaking fits. It’s the unexpected shock. My whole nervous system was shaken. I’m not shaking three weeks on, but my body does feel jittery. I remember saying when my Dad passed away. You take it day by day and and bad days hour by hour. You can only approach all of this one step at time. Slowly and gently.

We will get there daffy, it’s just going to be a long road. We haven’t just lost our mums, we have lost our last remaining parent.
Our anchors have gone and we are aware of our own mortality now x

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Very sensible words C1971. I reminds me that I need to find my own anchor to stay healthy.

Thank you everyone for your support. Taking it hour by hour is really helping xxx

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