Had a terrible nights sleep last night, i woke up very teary and very anxious and as the day has gone on my anxiety is taking over i keep getting the shakes can only describe it as someone taking over my body i can see my arm and legs shake but i cant stop them, then all of a sudden it just stops. My heart feels like its trying to get out of my chest, i just feel absolutely exhausted from it all. I was wondering if i was alone with these symptoms or they quite common 
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@Narna so sorry you are having a bad day. I don’t personally get the shakes but get the rapid heartbeat & plenty tears. Anxiety can do funny things to you so I’m sure what you are describing is quite normal in these anything but normal times. Sending hugs
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@narna well at the moment my anxiety is causing me all sorts of physical issues. Namely the shaking which you describe- I shake visibly and I have attributed it to the shock of losing my Baz so suddenly. I know your loss was sudden and unexpected, so I would expect there to be an element of shock going on here. I’m in mood stabilising medication, which is actually making making my anxiety worse - this was given to me on the psych ward and I am feta review tomorrow because I can’t go on like this . I’m only sleeping around 3 hours a night with the light on which is rubbish and every day I’m beginning to feel physically worse . I don’t know when you noticed this starting for you but I’ve had a massive escalation in symptoms since my beloved’s funeral. Up until then I sort of blocked everything out I suspect. I’m still not well enough to decide what to with his ashes because I don’t want to make a mistake and also it will be yet another visual reminder. I’m finding eating a real issue too which I suspect makes this shakiness worse , do you have these problems too ? I’m forcing down some food every day but not enjoying it . I’m sorry you are going through such a bad time and I can empathise with the physical symptoms you are having. Aside from good self care ( which I’m not bothering with) I can’t really see any short cut here . Are you on any medication btw because sometimes this makes shakiness worse actually. Hopefully this will at least let you know you are not alone with this sort of thing . Take care x
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I’d recommend hypnotherapy, its been a godsend for me.
Its not anything like those stupid stage acts, so dont be put off it.
Good reading here!
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@Ladysuisei6
Thank you for your reply, its always good to realise that what you are feeling is the same or similar to other people, a big hug to you.
Feeling calmer this morning managed to sleep right through, which is a rarity these days, im just mentally and emotionally drained and still having trouble accepting what has happened even after 14 weeks.
My appetite has been shot since the day Jane passed the only thing i make myself eat is an evening meal which doesnt consist of much maybe frozen pizza or something with rice, dont bother with breakast or lunch, seem to be surviving on haribo and cola!
Im on setraline but have been on that for years to treat depression and anxiety, the only other thing the priory put me on is quintipin which is supposed to stop me being impulsive, cant say it really works or not.
At the beginning of this horror show my mind was occupied with getting released from the priory and then arranging Janes funeral and finally the paperwork. I do say to jane, well ive got everything sorted so you can come and get me now, but so far its an unanswered request.
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Thank you all for your replies, its good to know others feel the same.
Docs is aware of my anxiety issues which is why ive been on setraline for many years.
I think yesterday i got totally overwhelmed with the sadness and shock of losing Jane and combine that with the weekend then it was like a perfect storm of emotions.
Big hugs to you all x
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@Narna im so sorry you are feeling such despair too . I think that the anxiety on top of trying to deal with our broken hearts is so difficult. I’ve been on medication for years , but because I was under section 2 in the psych ward , I had to accept having everything changed otherwise I’d never have got out . We were watched takin our meds - great eh. So as a result I am stuck on medication intended to manage the crisis but now the crisis has ended. I’m not happy. In fact it’s making life harder than it already would be . I do not feel optimistic about ever getting back to anything resembling who I was before. That person died along with Baz back in January. I feel like I am floundering around an unfamiliar land and losing my way miserably. Grief is not an illness that you should be incarcerated then medicated for but because we had an extreme reaction to our losses we find ourselves in this situation. I totally understand the panic setting in when you are desperately trying to get discharged from such a hospital- that was my only aim once the crisis had passed ( which was fairly quickly) . Long term high anxiety causes a spike in adrenaline which is responsible for the horrible aftermath. So the shaking , the insomnia, any tummy issues, generally not wanting to leave the house etc ( me) is the result of too much unmanageable panic and anxiety. Sometimes I just find myself gasping and panicking when I realise that I won’t ever see my gorgeous, funny , kind man again and then the cycle repeats itself. I’m permanently exhausted from this and the lack of sleep too , but I am trying to keep going . Baz strived to keep me as well as I could be so I’m going to try to be as brave as I can and try to carry on . It’s difficult, nigh on impossible some days but I will try my best for him . I live in hope we will meet again, and that he is looking down on me now trying to encourage me to find my own inner strength. It’s heartbreaking and it’s making me terribly unwell but I will try - that’s the best I can promise. I hope today has been a more peaceful day for you xx​:broken_heart:
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I’m just the same , shaking , wanting to scream , chest pain , hurts to breathe in , it’s pure sorrow I’m sure of it . Xx take care all xx
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@Martju thank you . Yes I was functioning “ ok” at first ( well apart from being sectioned for 3 weeks) but my partner’s funeral was delayed severely because of the need for an inquest. I think I was just floating along in my little world of denial. It was after his funeral when this whole heartbreak became more real but I was “ok” for a couple more weeks. Then around a month ago I realised I was in a terrible state - I didn’t notice it happening. I am trying to control the physical anxiety symptoms but they’ve become so severe I think I will just have to ride them out and hope they subside. You are probably right - heartbreak certainly describes my state of mind so this may well be a physical reaction to the unrelenting heartbreak xxx💔
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I have all those anxiety feelings too. I thought I was coping but my body is telling me otherwise. I feel I could cope better if I felt better.
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@Magpie11 yes I am fed up with feeling so physically rubbish tbh . I know it’s grief in my body but it’s preventing me from moving forward at all with processing the awfulness of my partner’s sudden unexpected death . I never expect to “ get over” his loss because he is irreplaceable but I was hoping to move forward just a little bit . He really would not want me to be suffering like this . Today my entire body is vibrating and I’m still laying in bed . I don’t even have the energy to bother with food at the moment- it’s quite worrying. I hope you feel a bit better soon xxx
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Hi @Magpie11 . on the other hand, we might feel better if we coped better. It’s a vicious circle we get into isn’t it.
We need to find a way to break the circle, whether it be psychotherapy, medication, relaxation, mindfulness etc.
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I know how you feel with the buzzing of your body. How long since your loved one died? Mine is four months. I miss him all the time. We had been married for 51 years. My family have been wonderful but sometimes I feel even lonelier.
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@Magpie11 well it’s coming up to 5 months since my wonderful Baz died suddenly and unexpectedly. I was sectioned into a mental hospital for a month afterwards so to a certain degree was shielded from real life . I’m suffering from PTSD ( diagnosed) which sort of hit me about 6 weeks ago and physically I feel rubbish. I’m trying my best to stay as dryas possible but I’m currently coming off a psychiatric medication which didn’t agree with me . I’m hoping these horrible effects will wear off when I finished the taper . Then they want me on an antidepressant. I’m not used to feeling this out of control but without my love , life is pretty bleak. I’m gradually trying to make a few changes which will help come to terms with this horrendous loss but I know it will be a long lonely road ahead. The bond we shared is irreplaceable- what more can I say . So it’s one day at a time and hoping for gradual improvement I’m afraid. Take care xxx
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@Magpie11 we were together for 20 years and when he died , Baz was only 59 . I’m 58 , so potentially many lonely years ahead unless something changes. Xxx
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Ditto hun xxx
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