Hello all, my first post here. My name is Adam. Like all of you, I had never anticipated I’d be joining an online bereavement forum, yet here I am. My wife of 37 years died on March 11th of this year. Initially she had anaplastic astrocytoma brain cancer, but she also developed a highly aggressive gastric cancer. The poor girl never stood a chance. She died in front of me, holding my hand.
After her initial brain cancer diagnosis, she had surgery which was life changing, in that her previous personality was gone and she lived a life very similar to someone with advanced Alzheimer’s. I cared for her for the last 4 years of her life.
I have been going through grief and it’s pretty much how I expected it to go, until recently. I have been experiencing acute anxiety. I don’t normally get anxious, and it took me a while to figure out what it was that I was feeling. I think it might be due to me thinking about my own future for the first time since my wife’s death. I don’t really know what I’m going to do for the rest of my life. At the same time, I am having feelings of guilt about thinking about myself when my poor wife is dead. I realise grief is very complex and can change from day to day, but I had not anticipated anxiety as part of it. It feels horrible.
I guess I’m hoping someone will give me some sort of guideline about this anxiety ebbing as time goes by, but I know we are all different and we have different experiences. Or maybe I just need to be told anxiety is normal and everything will settle down, although it doesn’t feel like that right now. I don’t know, this is all very strange territory to me. Thanks.
I am sorry to hear of your loss Adam. My Sue died almost 9 months ago and I had the feelings of overwhelming anxiety from about month 3 to month 5, It was prompted in part by delays in identifying why she died suddenly and some inefficient government administration, but even without those issues, the anxiety was there. I am not sure whether it ever goes away completely, but like all the other emotions around grief, it will lessen in time, only to come back and bite when you least expect it. I believe we all experience these feelings, and I can certainly identify with the feelings of guilt, even when I know that I have nothing to feel guilty about, My single recommendation is to try to avoid the emotional roller coaster from paralysing you. Keep doing things, and challenge the emotions to stop you. Good luck!
@AdamS you should be so proud of yourself how you looked after your beloved wife, sounds like she really.went through it bless her.
Try keep busy as much as you can and always give yourself a break from grieving, like go for a long walk watch a film or ring a friend. It’s so hard isn’t it grief.
7 weeks since I lost my Mam, my best friend 
Take care of yourself
Thank you Lenny. My anxiety sort of fits into what you experienced, not making itself present until I was at a point where I thought I might be getting better. Same goes for the guilt. It’s a lot to process. All the best to you.
Thank you Jane. I am slowly getting used to watching films on my own, something I’ve never done before. It’s a good distraction if it’s a film I can really get into. Shame they don’t do Netflix on prescription. Yes, grief is hard. All the best to you.
I spent a fortune on counselling hypnotherapy and life coaching trying to overcome the anxiety. The only that helps is time and texting on the forum with people who have experienced the loss of a spouse. The thing that helped my anxiety the most was yoga. It helps me to feel calm. At first for the hour whilst doing the yoga but now I feel a little calmer inside. I don’t think of the future it just makes me feel anxious. I am learning to live in the moment. Hour by hour. I find it helps. Thinking of you x
Oh Adam, I am so very sorry for the loss of your wife. The pain is almost too difficult to bear.
I lost my husband nearly 18 months ago now after 40 years together…it’s terribly hard at first. The anxiety you speak about is extreme grief (in my opinion anyway). That sick feeling when you wake up alone in the morning.
That “what am I going to do without you?” day that happens…
That “how do I carry on alone?” feeling…
Grief, and the loss of a soul mate, best friend and life partner is a terrific loss to bear…but bear it we must…what else can we do???
It does get more bearable in time. We learn to live with the pain of loss. We get more used to navigating our way through this new way of living, which none of us wanted.
It’s dreadful…but all of us on this site do understand how you’re feeling…
Take care. Be good to yourself
Janey xx
Also Adam, I try not to think too much about my future.
I try to break time down into manageable chunks…this morning, or this afternoon, maybe tomorrow.
We can’t think too far ahead… … …I never thought I’d be like this, but sometimes it’s all I can do to get through a week without him…I don’t think we can think too far ahead
Jx
Thank you Janey.
Yes, I think small manageable chunks of time are the best way for me to cope at the moment.
All the best to you.
Adam.