Anxiety

Losr my wife xmas and trying to come to terms with.but last two days had really bad anxiety as anyone had this as feel like iam going mad

First of all you are NOT going crazy. I think so many of us feel this at first. Anxiety so often follows bereavement, and it’s very early days for you.
Anxiety is notorious for allowing feelings and emotions to run riot. Our minds are in turmoil and understandably so. Can I suggest that you don’t fight or struggle with your emotions. Acceptance is very very difficult at first. The process of grief will take it’s course and affect everyone differently. Coming to terms with what has happened is best left until later. You are mourning and that’s natural. Allow yourself to express your feelings. No bottling up. Emotions will always come out in some way, sometimes physically, so it’s best to be aware of them as a natural expression of the pain you feel.
Be as kind to yourself as you can. It’s very difficult for you at the moment.
This is a good place to be with so many understanding and kind folk.
Take care. Talk whenever you want. We are all good listeners.

Thankyou for the kind words .its like the biggest feeling of dread in my life.like hands shaking and cant stop it and mind races away with thoughts of will i ever get over the way I feel

Hi there, be certain you are not alone. Anxiety is probably the worst feeling when suffering grief. You are not going mad, I have thought more than once. ‘when will this end’. What I have found is that you learn to live with the pain and the anxiety and although every day becomes a challenge you do manage to cope. As Jonathan so wisely says, don’t fight it, grieve and when you are ready you will find a way around some sort of acceptance. You will find your own way as we are all different. No one can tell you how to grieve. And although men think they shouldn’t cry, don’t you believe it. If you want to cry, shout or anything else then do so. In the early days I have screamed into a pillow. Some relief will come if you don’t bottle it. Good luck to you and remember that we all understand on here.
xx

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Thanks for the advice.when u said about screaming into your pillow that’s how I feel.i try and let my emotions out but seems difficult sometimes

I have just joined this forum. I lost my husband 8 weeks ago through cancer. I am reading all the replies and i agree with all these replies. I am crying on and off allday and feel like screaming my head off sometimes. The anxiety is overwhelming and i cant seem to control it. when i come into the house its there if i move rooms its there. It is so upsetting and i miss him terribly. Family and friends have been so good but i do feel maybe i am being over the top with my grieving. But i cant get past it. I feel like im going to be like this forever.

Hi I know how you feel about your anxiety mine is really bad too.i think mine is worse when I dont let my emotions out.you can cry and shout as much as you like if it helps.

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Ive deleted my last post as i felt like i was going on a bit. sorry for that. But it is really hard getting through each day at the moment

I am the same .but things will get better I am sure it going too.i have be told just take one day at a time

yes that is what i am doing. I am hoping that it helps if i can speak to others as we are doing. It is so difficult and stressfull coping with life after you lose your partner/best friend isnt it.

Your not alone sat in front of tv I was ok then just had thought of my wife and my anxiety through the roof now but I have to try and change my thoughts its reall hard

I am the same. You see something on the tv that reminds you or open a drawer and something is there that belonged to them and the tears come flooding. Anxiety is in the mind but it is really hard not to have thoughts of them. It is so difficult… I have even got a bottle of rescue remedy from the chemist it helps a little. Stay strong

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss.
Anxiety is (unfortunately) a very natural reaction to loosing someone your close to. I would recommend popping in to see your GP. I did soon after my mum passed away and they made me feel like I wasn’t crazy. The first night I fainted, threw up, had many moments of anxiety/ anger- your body has its own physical reaction to what’s happening as well as emotional.
It helps to talk about it and I hope this site helps you do that

Thanks .just a difficult cycle to get out of more you worry about anxiety the worse it gets.i know it’s best to stop worrying. But its hard

Hi there it’s been 6 weeks for me and everyday I think will it be easier but no it’s not I’m so sad emotional angry can’t stop crying etc etc so anxious can’t actually believe that this has happened to my husband and my perfect family I miss him more than I can say and feel I have nothing left in this life I so need my husband x

Hi Julie, like you it’s only been 6 weeks since l lost my Mum and the emotions l’ve gone through and am going through are physically draining. My Mum was also my best friend and we did everything together plus l was her main carer and losing her was something l never really believed would happen…Like you l feel lost and sometimes, so alone, but l know she’s close by - sometimes l can small her scent or even her presence and it’s reassuring to allow that feeling in however upsetting it is. Doing even the simpliest thing can make me cry or even wake up crying…and l know that all sounds negative but it isn’t because l know she’s still watching over me and it kinda can spur me to attempt those simple things like cooking a small Sunday roast (which l used to do for us), or going for that walk or even visiting a neighbour and reminding myself that l may have to go into town for shopping or pay a bill. I find some days more difficult than others for whatever reason and l still haven’t gone back to work yet…l also keep an bereavement journal which l write in most days, l don’t ovethink it, but if it’s in my head then l just write and it does kinda help. My Dr has also strongly suggested that l have counselling to help me which l have now taken the first step toward - l rang them - these people were also the people who provided home care for my Mum. It is early days though and l’ve been told, constantly, to put myself first (which l’m not used to) and take whatever time l need and feel what l’m feeling…as l’ve never lost anybody that l’m this close to or loved this is still all new to me…

Me too David was the love of my life I’m going to try counselling to see if that helps can’t see it myself but we will see life will never be great for me again as part of me has gone !

Sorry to hear about your wife. You are not going mad, don’t worry what you feel is very common in grief. Our lives have been turned upside down and torn apart, and our minds are overwhelmed trying to make sense out of something that just doesn’t make sense. It’s almost five months now since my husband died suddenly. I felt just like you, but now I do feel a little calmer. I’ve accepted things will never be the same…I read a quote by C.S Lewis that helped me understand my grief a little…
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.

At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me.”.

I think he captured it perfectly…I did feel afraid of my great unknown, of facing my world without my partner in crime…we become one with our husbands and wives, it seems impossible to cope without them…but I have coped…by taking things a minute at a time and being very gentle with myself. The feelings still overwhelm at times…but I do feel calmer…good luck in your future x

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You are right about the bottling things up,Jonathan.My mum died 2008 and dad 2010. I drank away the first couple of years until I developed a dependency so I admitted I needed help but didn’t resolve the grief issues as I had to tackle the drinking first. I have relapsed on occasion,and I’m just starting this approach to try to get advice.