My father died suddenly and unexpectedly on 23 July. I feel a rollercoaster of emotions, in particular regret and sadness that I was unable to say goodbye to him. I feel abandoned and all over the place. I just want to hide away from the world and can’t face anything or anyone. My 89 year old mother is now on her own for the first time in her life - they were married 67 years. I live 350 miles away from her but have been spending weeks at a time with her. I have no idea how to help her or myself. I have become overwhelmed with anxiety and feel permanently sick. I only seem to feel worse, not better as the days go by. I am so very sad. I miss him terribly. I guess this is just an outlet of expressing how I feel. It’s very difficult to share these thoughts and emotions with friends who have not been through it. You can never prepare for this and life will never be the same again. It’s very frightening,
My goodness Becks, Bless you. My heart goes out to you. Yes it is frightening and bewildering. Why, why? Wanting to hide away and grieve is what most of us here have felt. Two months is so little time. You care so much it hurts. You can help each other by loving each other and caring.
For a while you will feel everything has little point. It’s OK! Whatever emotions come up let them. Don’t bottle up emotions.
You are right, life will never be the same again, how can it be after such a trauma.
When the initial grief begins to subside and you are able to take stock then make decisions, but not until then.
This place is an outlet for emotions. Not everyone outside realises the pain and many will say things that will hurt. ‘You should be over this by now’ is a classic example of ignorance.
Anxiety almost inevitably follows. Anxiety about the future or maybe regrets about the past. Anxiety is always fear based. Have you seen your GP? Even if you don’t want medication they can help with local bereavement advice.
Take care and be kind to yourself as well as your mum. In grief we often tend to neglect ourselves. Come back and talk to us when you want. We all are good listeners. Blessings.
Becks my mum died 4 weeks ago very suddenly. I moved away last year and my dad is alone 250 miles away. I feel exactly the same as you. Every emotion and feeling. I’m here feeling it too. Mostly regret and guilt over everything I have ever said or done. Every time I spoke out of turn. Moving away even though I did it to give my children a better life. What ifs. Round and round in my head. And the all consuming loss and anxiety. It’s horrific.
Thank you so much Jonathan. Your reply has brought tears to my eyes - from the relief of someone understanding exactly how this feels and confirming that it’s OK and I’m not on my own. That gives me strength. Thank you for your understanding, kindness and for listening. I really appreciate it. I’m listening too - to your advice. Thank you.
Ah Jooles - I’m so sorry for you and your dad. All of us in the same boat and locked away in our own misery. Thank goodness that this gives us an opportunity to share our experiences and to draw strength from it. Someone advised me to write a letter to my father to express all the things I wanted him to know and things I wished I had said. Maybe an idea for you too for your mum? Thank you again for your reply. Although it is horrific, it is a comfort to know we are in this together.
Becks23
I lost my dad 18mths ago and I feel your heartbreak and pain. Our worlds have been forever changed. The safety, security and our very foundation has crumbled. It’s not only heartbreaking it’s a very, very scary feeling. We also lost our childhood and our history as it disappears when a parent passes. They are no answers in how to deal with any of it. All I can say is your dad is at peace now and knowing he left this world being loved by a daughter who adored him like I did my dad, fulfilled his life on this Earth so take comfort in knowing a piece of your heart went with him for him to hold tightly knowing his legacy is in good hands. Honour him, remember him and taking forward in your life the love he left you
Lyn x