Morning anyone, I feel anxious today…why 2 of my friends sons are coming to see me this evening for a catch up. I haven’t seen them since the celebration of my sons life in April where they were crying there eyes out,they were pall bearers, I was so proud of them and have told them that, I’m anxious I I feel they may be hiding stuff from me which I need to know. I know for a fact they use drugs but did not have an addiction like my son. I’m going to be very careful what I say to them as they don’t know about the inquest in October or about his toxicology results, am I doing the right thing not saying anything. Any comments would really be helpful please. Take care everyone we are all on this site never thinking we would be xx
Sorry to hear about your Son. I wouldn’t have a plan in mind and would just chat and if it feels right and the conversation flows in the direction of the topic of drugs see how you feel then. Hopefully they will learn something from this tragic event and stop using while they can. X
I apologise this is a bit late.
You can always choose how much or how little you say to anyone. Until you feel you have come to terms with the situation, you don’t need to say anything and you will know when , if ever, the time is right. Is it necessary to share everything with your son’s friends?
Thank you all for your kind comments. The evening went well, laughing, talking and crying together. I actually told them exactly what happened and how I did CPR on my son, they had no idea as we hadn’t spoken about it to them…it was to raw. This time last week I was in an awful state in my head, crying all day. Re grouped again. His mates are coming out again in a few weeks. I have told them we have the inquest in October, we know it was a drugs overdose but until the inquest we are keeping it to ourselves. I don’t feel strong enough to deal with it all. I live in a small village and they love to gossip and get it so wrong, plus it’s bound to be in the local paper which I dread. I am not embarrassed about how he passed away but dread it anyway, but have realised it’s other people who have the problem and not me xx
I am in the same boat as you, there is an inquest in November to go to, I have thought about the press but am just hoping it won’t make the local paper as the inquest will be 30 miles away.
I’m hoping too it won’t make the local paper, but if it does it won’t change anything. Living in a village is bad enough. I keep a low profile and selective who I speak to. I know it sounds awful but I can’t be bothered to speak. No one unless you are on this site has a clue what we go through. All I know is that I will never let anyone say anything bad about my son as I wouldn’t like to be in there shoes. I have never had much patience but even less. I have changed so much over the last few months since I lost my son. I was reading an article on this tonight, take care xx
@MJG we do change .
I didn’t suffer fools before I lost my son so now my tolerance of people is at an all time low which is why I prefer to be in my own or just with husband and daughter .
Exactly Tilly, I have never suffered fools gladly at all and have no tolerance for what I call petty things. I am happy with my own company, and my partner, he is my rock more so than ever. I enjoy long coastal walks, out in my bike, and swimming, doing the garden and having some music on. My so called best friend wants to go for a walk, I’ve put her off for a week, so thought I had better go, to be honest I can’t be bothered to listen to her negativity around me, I know it sounds awful as she has been so good to me, but it’s because I have changed and my outlook on life is so totally different to what it was 5 months ago, take care xx
You are lucky living on the coast . It must be lovely xx
I am so lucky to live where I am and can appreciate the sea, beach, wildlife. It really helps my head. It’s sunny today so that can help our mental health and makes you feel bit better. Take care xx
My friend insisted we go for a walk last night she doesn’t stop talking it was so hard, especially walking across a bridge with samaritians signs, all I could think of was why didn’t he call for help. Ive not been out in the village yet, husband is driving out for our short dog walks but that is hard enough as everywhere all I can think about there used to be three of us on this walk.
I will only walk one way unless I’m with my partner where I feel safe with him. I avoid people like anything and got really good at ignoring people…I know that sounds awful but I can’t be bothered as they ask too many questions. That is a huge step for you last evening going for a walk with your friend, even though you say she talked too much. I’m really proud of you for going out❤️. To others it seem odd that we can’t do our normal things like we used to, they just don’t get it. Well done in going out for the walk xx
I have declined all invites from friends for a walk .
True friends will be there for you when you are ready .
We are fragile and I have decided not to put myself in any situation that could upset me .
People expect us to be back to normal which will never happen .
We will never be the same people again and some friends won’t be able to deal with that .
Yep true friends will always be there for you. I’m like you I try not to out myself in a situation that can cause my any upset, stress. We will never be the the same, however I guess we have to accept that and learn to live a different life:smiling_face_with_tear:. I am such an impatient person anyway, even more impatient and more quick tempered with people who annoy me than ever before. I’ve told my partner I can’t help the way I am. It’s not him who has lost his son. Another thing I find so hard is when his son rings up….I leave the room. He wanted him to come the other day, I said no, I can’t cope with this, see him somewhere else. Sorry rambling on again xx
@MJG not sure when I will ever get to do things I used to, I’m a scout leader and I work not sure when either of those will happen again in the future
You need to do it hour by hour. I haven’t been to work since November 2021 when I lost my Dad. Decided to have a year out, set up my holiday let, planned on a part time job this year but still not been back to work. I loose my self to exercising at least 3 to 4 hours a day. It helps me mentally xx
@mjg i used to go out for long walks every weekend, it was lovely just walking in peace, though my main route out of village would have been my sons last walk out the village, not sure i will ever walk that way again, though part of my brain is thinking something like the camino walk will be nice to do. I was supposed to be hiking in Iceland in 3 weeks, my 50th treat to myself, now i can never see me going there.
Hi, maybe you can do the Camino walk when you feel the time is right. It does sound nice hiking in Iceland, you may feel nearer the time you can go, but if you can’t that’s not a problem. Yes walking helps clear the head of fog sometimes. I have a dental appointment in a few weeks in the town where my son lived, I am a saddo as I actually enjoy going to the dentist, my dread is driving to the town as I haven’t been since I lost him. I will deal with that on the day I tell myself. I hope you are getting some rest before Thursday. Tiny steps and remember there are no set rules to this grief process. I have had a good day, walked 13 miles, so please believe me in time you will get a good hour/day. I never thought it would happen and I would then feel guilty, but that guilt of having a good hour/day does disappear. Thinking of you xx