Did my thing’ with the outside world today. Met up with a kind compassionate friend for a hug and listening ear and relatives of my beloved to discuss the 11th and me not choosing to eat at a family meal/wake’. Now at home with the cat, looking through photos, writing my ongoing tributes. Eating bad food…no telly or radio as prefer not. to Solicitor tomorrow and funeral director Wednesday. Any advice…
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Strange you should say about the wake. I had the same discussion today with family, saying I wouldnt be going to the wake.
The evenings do drag. My healthy eating has gone out of the window too and I have the radio or TV on but couldn’t tell what ive been watching or listening to.
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Have you decided about the wake’… I have always been a people pleaser and now feel sod it’ this is about him and me. Thanks for coming…’ no thanks
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The thought about dining with a knife and fork and saying, pass the pepper please. Gurning 'to the crowd. Pete and I, we were only ourselves
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The thing that gets me is half the people going to the wake hadn’t been in touch with Caroline for ages.
Na, not for me.
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I hope you please yourself’ for want or another expression. We, of our private adored party’ should do what ever e feel MickUK
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I didn’t have a wake for my wife as i new she didn’t want one her brothers turned up for the funeral who hadn’t really seen her in 44 years of marriage and i have not heard from them since the funeral years ago and you know what they said to me at the church " YOU HAVE DONE US PROUD " the cheek of it they never even sent her birthday anniversary or Christmas cards in 44 years so i agree no wake do what you want for yourselves and sod em sorry to be so blunt all keep well and safe and happy Christmas to you all xx
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as for evenings alone, spend them how you wish. utterly lazy and pointless is okay too. lots of water plain tea. just messing about. do not feel obliged to do anything you don’t want to do.
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I did the opposite, no funeral just the wake. He was liked by all, so I had a buffet at the local pub, with the music play list he would have loved and photos of his life. Some people traveled a long way to come, and because he was only 66 there were over 70 people there. It’s just a shame he couldn’t join in as he would have loved it. As an introvert I was anxious, but luckily it was a pub so some Dutch courage helped. I just couldn’t face a funeral, we aren’t religious and he said he wouldn’t care if I put him in the bin. I was worried I would be judged on it but as you say we have to do what suits us. I did check with the kids but they didn’t mind. Was surprised how many people thought it a great idea, especially his brother who apparently hates funerals as much as me. We will be having a family trip in the summer to scatter his ashes, that will be our goodbye. I would be happy for the children to do the same for me but want that to be their decision. After all I will be beyond caring.
Debs we had a funeral and wake kev was 67 may be 90 people came mostly friends and traved 100/200 miles the wake was beautiful.
Like u said kev would have loved to be thier …in hindsight .
I dont want a funeral…just the wake take good care
Hi @Pooka1968 , you asked about the evenings, which are the most difficult times in the early days.
I used to sit alone, watching TV, until it was “bed time”,
I decided that there was no pressure to wait until it was bed time, what was I waiting for? Waiting until the clock ticked around to 11.00pm, when it would be acceptable.? I’ve no intention of going to sleep, until I’m ready.
So I go to bed, when I choose. It’s comfier and warmer. It feels safe, my dogs cuddle up , I watch TV or listen to the radio. I sometimes meditate.
Some people tell me “you can’t go to bed at 7.00!”. But I can, and I often do!
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@tykey, exactly what I do. I was sitting 'till the clock went round to 11pm. Then one evening, feeling shattered I went at 8pm. Now I go whenever I feel like it. Easy to do that in the winter nights.
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Yes, @MickUK . I realised that so many things in this journey are decided on the basis of “This is what you have to do!!”. I really do “Think outside the box”, and do what I think is best for me! This approach is particularly relevant to Xmas, funerals, anniversaries, ashes etc etc.
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I’m reading a book called ‘It’s ok to not be ok’
Grief is harsh but necessary.
Sending hugs x
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