Any suggestions on how to get through the first anniversary

It’s coming up to the first year of loosing my amazing husband. I’m dreading the actual day, I just can’t imagine how me and my kids are going to get through the day. Has anyone got any suggestions as to how we can cope, we are all falling apart, more and more as the day approaches. I am struggling as to how to help my children to cope, although they are in their 20’s they seem like babies at the moment. I try and say the right things to them, but I don’t always know if I’m saying the right things.
Can anyone help.
Thank you all - Lesley x

Hi im so sorry for your loss it’s utterly devastating im heartbreakon it’s been six months and three weeks tomorrow afternoon since my soulmate fell asleep in my arms im utterly truamatised witnesing it all happen in front of my eyes all my dreams of growing old together everything my life has been stolen im empty and lost my soulmate has been stolen from me so cruelly and tragically every day is getting worse im sorry im not there yet nor have any children but im sure there are some amazing people who have more advice for you in my thoughts take care as much as possible Adele x

Thank you Adele
You are so right. We have been robbed of all our dreams, all our plans for the future. It is heartbreaking, I look at my kids and see the pain in there eyes, and there is nothing I can do to make it getter for them. Utterly soul destroying.
Thanks again for you reply.
Here for you if you want a chat xx

Thankyou for your message im truly sorry for your loss its devastating I hope tomorrow is kinder to you and everyone else too take care speak soon in my thoughts Adele xx

It’s almost a year for me too and I’m also dreading it. This time last year we were on holiday with not a care in the world and 6 weeks later Margaret was gone. I can’t believe how I’ve got here everything is still a terrible struggle.
I hope the anticipation of the day is worse than the actual day itself.
Take care William

Thank William,
I can’t believe it’s nearly a year, I think we will struggle for a long time to come. And if its true that grief is measured by the amount of love we shared, then it’s going to be life long !
Take care xx

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So sorry for your loss, My husband, Alan passed away 12 months ago this coming Sunday, I really don’t know how I’m going to cope on the day. He was never I’ll, never a day off work sick. Taken into hospital May Bank Holiday Monday 7th May 2018, was told the following Monday he’d be coming home the week after, then on the Thursday afternoon, his consultant told me further tests revealed a malignancy Alan passed away 38 hours later. I am grateful I was able to be with him until the end, I’d been at his bedside over 24 hours from the Friday, the rest of the time i was in hospital I was there 12 hours plus each and every day. Not because I had to but because I wanted to.

I’m going to the crematorium chapel on Sunday morning with our son and daughter, also my dog Ada and our daughter’s different Winston , after that was just going to come home and wander around in a daze, but as I write this, I’m getting thoughts of finding a dig friendly pub and having some lunch, I know Alan would approve of that.

I shall feel numb all day, muddling through as best I can, probably reliving every minute detail and chain of events of the day my darling husband left and the life I’d always known for 50 years (he passed away 6 weeks after our golden wedding anniversary and his funeral was exactly 2 months to the date).

Blessings for strength to help you through the furst anniversary of losing your husband, his we shall get through it I cannot say, but we shall and shall do as best we can.


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Thanks for your message, it does help know I’m not alone in this. How sad that I want someone else to feel my pain. I don’t really mean it like that though. I’m just dreading the actual day, I’m afraid I won’t be able to support my kids as I know I will fall apart myself.
Thank you xx

Just wanted to tell you that you will get through this special day so please don’t doubt yourselves. There will be tears of course but try to focus on how far you have come and how proud your loved one would be that you have carried them with you. Some one posted recently that they let a special balloon fly upwards on their anniversaries; I always light a candle…find something that is particularly meaningful for you and try to focus on the love that never dies and remember that you are one year nearer to being together again. God bless x

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Thank you so much. One day nearer to being together again is a better way of looking at it. That is what I hope more than ever, that we do eventually come back together!!
Thanks again xx

I like that thought too, one year nearer to being with Alan, the inscription I have engraved on his urn is ‘only a breath away’. His ashes are placed proudly in the centre of the Welsh slate fireplace he built in the late 70’s early 80’s, took him ages but it’s all his own work, I wanted it taken out and the year before last he reluctantly agreed to have it taken out last year, with his passing, this didn’t happen and now I am keeping it. Seems fitting that his pewter urn holding his ashes has pride of place.

Blessings ☆

Hi Lesley,sorry to hear your story and sorry to know that unfortunately you understand how many of us feel.I too am facing the first anniversary of losing my lovely Roy,(23rd May)absolutely dreading it,I can’t bear the thought that soon I won’t be able to think that this time last year we were together.I have had some not too bad days but at the moment feel like i’m back where I started.This is just so tough isn’t it.On the day I will go to the cemetery.I have booked the plot next to Roy so I like the comment that I will be a year closer to lying next to him.The rest of the day I plan to hibernate with our animals,they are what keep me going.My thoughts are with you all as we struggle through this nightmare.Much love Corinna xx

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Thank you Corinna,
Means a lot, just very sad that so many of us are in the same nightmare. Don’t know about you but I can’t believe it’s very nearly a year, and likewise I hate the thought that I won’t be able to think ‘this time last year’ but the reality is, this time lady year I had it all ! A lovely life.
I will be thinking of you on ‘your’ day.
Take care and thank you
BW Lesley xxx

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Corinna, I didn’t realise your loss of Roy was only 4 days after my loss of Alan, this month has sent me hurtling back to May last year, I too, are staying home the rest of the day on Sunday after visiting the crematorium chapel. I’ve had an enhanced copper plate script entry in the book of remembrance which will be open on Sunday. Dreading as it gets closer and closer.

I’ve been writing in my journal this morning, reliving this date from last year when I was given the drastic news of Alan’s test results, then composing myself so as not to worry him. Worst feeling having to lie to him, but was for all the best intentions. I didn’t want him to know he only had a couple of days left on earth.

Getting upset again now thinking about this time last year.

Blessings for next Thursday Corinna

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It’s utterly devastating im so sorry you will be in my thoughts and prayers on Sunday and the coming days take care of yourself as much as possible Adele x

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Hi im so sorry it’s getting close and it’s getting worse hourly knowing our loved ones were with us this time last year in my thoughts and prayers take care of yourself as much as possible Adele x

Corinna, lovely to hear from you again, have been worried about you. It was Brian’s birthday last Wednesday 15th. I was also dreading it. We was usually in Greece walking and rock climbing and I can’t believe he’s gone now. But has he gone, because he seems to be in my life and thoughts more now than ever.
I took flowers to the cemetery early while walking the dogs and all was well until I put a CD on of his singing and that reduced me to a wreck. I have not cried like that for a long time. I do have a cry everyday but not quite so intense. I however had made arrangements to meet up with a friend at a riverside pub which I can walk to across the fields. It helped a great deal. We had a meal and I put a framed photo of Brian on the table and wore a locket with his ashes. I had his favourite meal. My friend and I talked for hours about our husbands and although her’s died a few years ago she said she could rarely talk about him now so had enjoyed being able to. I can’t imagine what the anniversary of his death will be like so my thoughts will be with you on 23rd. Love Pat xxxx

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