Anybody else feel like this?

Since I lost Martin I feel that something has been removed from my body…… not sure that really makes sense.

Let me try to explain,
I know I am breathing …. But I feel stifled.
Im aware I’m completing tasks but don’t know why I’m doing them.
My chest feels heavy but not a sharp pain.
I can be looking at something that is lovely, beautiful even and not feel anything.
I know I am going to get up in the morning and walk the dog but nothing is planned.

I could say I almost feel like a robot, programmed to survive but not programmed to enjoy.
I also think this must be the new me and how things are to be going forward.

Can anyone relate?

Dee xx


I don’t enjoy doing anything at the moment, I get through each day as if I’m a robot just doing the rounds of looking after my dad, shopping and general house work but theres no meaning to anything anymore, my dad is my main concern and I will look after him as I did my mum until she passed away, going shopping, buying things I feel no passion for it I almost feel guilty doing it and I don’t know why, lifes not the same since mums been gone and I feel it never will be :pensive:

1 Like

Hi Dee. When I lost my son. I functioned like a robot for about the first two years. Nothing made any sense nor had any meaning. Your body clock and appetite are all over the place. Your mind wanders all the time. You wake up in the morning and go through the motions of all the things you normally do. Sometimes not even knowing you are doing them. I wouldn’t say it gets better . I think you just begin to handle it a bit better and then as time passes . You just realize that you had a good day


Yes - add to that I seem to be permanently searching for / waiting for something. For him to come home. Even though I know it can’t happen.


Dear Dee64

I have travelled along roads where I have done the same journey hundreds of times only to suddenly find I have taken the wrong turn and got lost. I function at a very basic level. On the occasions I do make a meal I then find I can’t eat it and manage just a few mouthfuls before it goes in the bin.

I can look at our grandson’s and smile even though my heart is breaking that my husband is not here to see them grow.


Hi I totally relate to everything you say when I’m laying in bed late at night I think what did I do today and I cannot even remember I just went through the motions of the day exactly like a robot because I can’t even tell you what I done who I saw who I spoke to or anything it’s such a weird out of body experience I hate this existence hugs to all grieving x🤗

Hi jules I was also like that the first 6 months I was waiting for my husband to phone me to go and collect him from the hospital I can’t really remember when that stopped but it did I supposed without realising it I have accepted his not coming home. :cry:

You could have written that for me Dee. I feel exactly the same…I feel at times as if i’m walking beside myself literally. I think that when you have loved deeply it is so hard to accept that this is the new you and you still have a life…I put on my brave face when I’m out but am crumbling inside. Don’t want to be in the house, don’t want to be in company don’t know really where I want to be. Take care you are not alone in your thoughts. Love Jenny.


Yes I absolutely relate I lost my Mark last year from a very quick cancer … it’s so hard & I still talk to him & I still cry most days… I think we can all understand
Keep being kind to yourself xx


Hi Jim, I see that what I’m feeling at the moment is not new. I cant sleep, eat, don’t want to talk to anyone. If it wasn’t for having get up for the dogs, doubt if I would get out of bed. Life has no meaning. Friends have vanished. I have no purpose in life. I can’t forget the pain and hurt in his eyes and the look on his face when he had no fight left in him. I feel I should be punished for being alive and not being able to take his pain away.
Sorry to dump this on this site but have no one to talk to and I can’t keep putting it on my other 2 children. No one seems to understand the pain I feel. :broken_heart:

1 Like