I come from a big family. We lost a brother less than a week ago. I didn’t get to see him just before he died but his own family, wife and kids were there so I consoled myself with that.
I wanted to see him at home before the funeral directors came but I am unable to drive right now (it is only a few minutes drive away but too far to walk and no buses). I thought, it doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t be selfish etc etc but today I found out two of my siblings were at the house and sat with him for a while before he was taken away. My sister went to fetch another brother but didn’t ask me if I wanted to go. By the time i got to the house they had taken him to the funeral home.
I now feel resentful towards my siblings because they spen that time with him just after he passed and I didn’t. They didn’t even think about me. Am I just being really selfish? A couple of other things have happened and been said that make me think my siblings don’t care about me the way my late brother did and I don’t know how to process these feelings.
Does anyone else get this and what can I do about the feelings of resentment I never had before?
Hi @passerby
Sorry to hear you are going through this. Your grief right now is so raw & resent, it will no doubt take time to process everything you are feeling. I don’t know what to say about your siblings behaviour, it sounds very harsh that they would leave you out like that, but only they can say why or what happened. When the loss of a loved one is so recent, no-one thinks clearly in that condition, but you have a right to your feelings, maybe take a moment to breathe, & think things through, you know your family better than I do, so would know best why they may act that way, if you’re unsure, talk to them, they may not have realised they have caused you upset, maybe they didn’t realise you wanted to see him at home, maybe you siblings specified in advance that they wanted to see him at home. It is not selfish to want equally the time with him at home to say goodbye like your siblings had, it’s understandable to want to say goodbye in that familiar setting. All I can say is focus on what is helpful to you now, if you feel you need to say goodbye to him, you can still go to see him at the funeral parlour, I know it wasn’t the way you wanted it to be, but hopefully it can help give you some piece of mind. Sending hugs of support.