Anyone nine months into bereavement

How do you feel at this point . Are you up and down and trying to start a new life . Would love to know how you are doing .I am out of dark tunnel and blinking at the light and wondering what next . It is ok when I go out with friends but I cannot drive at present so I feel frustrated .

Monica 267

Hi there its 8.5 months since I lost my wife Jane I’m afraid that light is a long way off for me she was always the strength behind our 43 years of marriage,she was the one who always said the right things,don’t worry we can do it or we’ll get out of this if anything cropped up.
I am on my own now except for my little dog friends and relatives don’t want to know I have always been one to dither without Jane I am even worse shopping,taking the car for M.O.T etc drives me mad she was the one who asked the questions paid the bill and sorted anything else that cropped up.
I afraid counselling going out with friends is not my thing after just being the two of us for so long those things don’t come easy (my fault I guess) .
Not meeting up very well with grief I miss her so much it hurts.
Kind regards MM69

Do you have family to encourage you at this time . I have little dog as well . She is called Maisie. Joining a church might help . The right one might be able to give support . Mine is very loving and there are others who are finding life difficult as well . When you improve you can then help them .
Monica

Yep! 8 months now. I get some relief from the fact that my wife was a very self reliant person. Although I handled the paperwork, she was always supportive and someone I could talk to about problems. It’s what I miss most and of course her love and support.
I think Monica raises an important point. Suffering is nasty. No one wants it and the only redeeming feature is that it can make us more empathetic, more caring about others. Especially those in this difficult position.
If we are not careful we can easily become introspective. We turn in on ourselves and can only see and feel pain. Relief is out there, but we have to make the effort to find it. So many give up on counselling after a couple of sessions where often many are needed.
8 months is not long in grief. But it so much depends on the individual and their attitude to it. I’m still very much in the dumps, but so many have been so kind and helpful, especially on this site. My faith in human nature has been restored. Well, that’s one good thing that has come out of it.
We will never forget, of course not. But yes, I do see chinks of light now and then. Is it her showing me it’s possible?
Take care all. Blessings.

It’s so hard I lost my husband seven months ago and I miss him each and every day. Like you we did everything together and now it’s so difficult to see a way forward. I don’t mix easily so joining groups or organisations is a difficult thing for me to do, I think my little dog gets tired of me nattering to him but it’s very difficult to even contemplate any form of normality in our lives again

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Monica, I am a year and a half into losing my mum and Im still finding it hard. I think talking and listening to other peoples stories really does help. They can also give good advice and tips. Theres no time limit, or measure on how sad we feel, but there is always a way to remember the person youve lost. And include their wisdom,love fun and stories into our lives and the lives of the people we share life with.

Hi Archie123,
I am so sorry for your loss. My partner of 30 years passed away suddenly eight months ago. We did everything together too, so we didn’t have many friends. I miss him so much everyday and if it wasn’t for my two dogs, I would probably not do very much. They keep me going and give me a lot of comfort. I just go from one day to the next, that’s all we can do.
Take care, love Janet xx

Hi Janet

How lovely to receive your message and kind words I know it’s the same for us all difficult and lonely but thankfully wonderful memories will never be lost. Do keep in touch and I hope the dogs continue to give you comfort. Much loved

Hi,
Thanks for your reply. Hope you are ok. Memories are a wonderful thing, but can also be hard. I am struggling a bit this weekend with memories of what we used to do. I tried to sit in the garden and read, but I couldn’t concentrate, so I gave up and came indoors. The dogs are creating havoc as usual! I bought a plant yesterday and Baxter thought I had bought it just for him and proceeded to eat it! There’s nothing he won’t eat! Sorry to be on a bit of a downer today.
Take care love Janet xx

Hi there no need for apologies for a downer, I have had two weeks of tears morning and evening especially watching other couples out and about as we used to be. It’s not envy just a sadness that we didn’t have more time. I felt down this morning, telephoned my daughter something I rarely do as I don’t want to feel a nuisance, she was out and about shopping with the grandchild and when I said I was very down she told me it’s normal to have a down day you just have to get over it…easier said than done and I was sorry I had called her. Well Baxter had a good time with the plant by the sound of it at least he was happy. I so hope you will feel a little better tomorrow we can only take one day at a time and do our best to work through it. Please keep in touch,I so understand how you feel

Until the next time, take care and much love

Carmen xx

Doses anyone else get anxiety . This sick feeling is Waring and stops me getting on with life . There does not seem to be a lot to help .
Monica

Hi Monica. Yes the sickly feeling and anxiety seems to be a part of the grieving process. I doubt that there is very much to help I am finding myself feeling completely out of character. I used to get on with things and sit and relax with my husband, now I am constantly trying to potter and keep busy because when I do sit down I feel confused sick and anxious and I keep looking towards bed time then when I get there I can’t sleep so I look forward to morning and when that comes around I worry as to how I can pass th3 day…you are not alone

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I lost my partner 2 months ago and like you we did everything together 24/7 on the 4 days I didn’t work. Even when he got taken into hospital I visited him every day from the 8th January to the day he died on the 4th May and was with him between 8 and 10 hours. I also like you don’t mix easily and never have. Don’t have a dog and don’t drive a car. I have a couple of friends but they also don’t drive and are not very near to me. I have family but they don’t wish to know. All I seem to get from them is more grief. I can’t seem to get interested in anything and sit about quite a lot. I don’t crave for lots of company but it would be nice to be able to use my voice at times before it disappears altogether. Hopefully one day we will find that normality once again.

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Hi Carmen,
I haven’t felt this bad for a while. I was so restless today, one minute sat outside, next indoors. I am seeing my counsellor tomorrow, which is probably good timing! One of my friends I have known for about 8 years has stopped emailing me for some reason. She lives abroad, but we’ve always kept in touch weekly. I sent emails and also asked if anything was wrong, but she said everything was ok and I’ll email you with all the news. That was over a week ago. I know people have their own lives to live but to hear nothing is very hurtful. We used to tell each other everything and worked together for years. Hopefully I will feel brighter tomorrow. Great to hear from you.
Take care, love Janet xx

Hi I am about 9 months in and its as bad as at the beginning . My anxiety is when I am out of the house, I feel the need to get home, to him but, he isn’t there so it’s not any better when I get home. I also have a child with me all the time so I can’t cry freely. Life can be so hard you can’t give up but you don’t want to go on. I hope your anxiety gets better

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