Hi, it’s my first time posting on this forum. A few days ago I was at my bfs house and got a call from my mum telling me my big brother was dead. just like that. He committed suicide. my world is shattered. This constant agony is eating at me every day and I keep trying to push it away. He didn’t leave a note. He was in his 30s, he was so sad. He suffered from addiction, homelessness, etc. I was the only one he felt like he could fucking talk to I love him so much why can’t he just come back?? nobody understands. My boyfriend isn’t even supportive. Everyone has this facade of caring but they don’t actually. Nobody wants to hang out with me, even my boyfriend told me to go home today. All I can do is rot in bed and cry. I don’t want to be here anymore.
Hi @jadeform,
I’m so sorry to hear about your big brother. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really lonely.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you’re feeling with us. It is very normal for people who are grieving to feel a bit lost and not know where to start.
We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving, and it is often about wanting the person who has died back or life to go back to how we know it. We have a video about it here, which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
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If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
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You can call 111 and choose the mental health option to speak to a trained mental health professional (England, Scotland and Wales only)
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Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
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Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
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You can find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You may also find it helpful to speak with Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS) - you can find out more on their website or call 0300 115065.
You deserve care and support so please, @jadeform, get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Naoise
It’s so normal to not want to be here. My husband died a year ago and every single day since I have woken up in the morning and thought damn I’m here for another day without him. You are young with a life ahead of you and you will get through this. You will always be sad and always miss your brother but you will adapt so that you can live with the loss, not get over it, but live differently. Take care of yourself xx