Hi everyone, I lost my fiancé
Coming up 6 weeks, it was so sudden & unexpected. In circumstances that I just can’t get my head around. He was so healthy, happy, full of life. We had so many plans, a wedding, children. This has been taken away from him & now me. He went away & never made it back home.
I was hoping someone could tell me that these feelings I’ve been having are normal or that others have felt this too? I really don’t want to be here anymore & have made plans for not being here, who will care for my pets etc. because I feel so low I think at any point I could just end it, but I wouldn’t want to leave my loved ones behind with anymore stress so I’m trying to organise things like that incase I do. I can’t stop crying, so tired even though I’m sleeping well, can’t go a second without thinking about him. Has anyone else had these thoughts before? I’ve never ever felt like this, I like to think I’m usually a strong, positive person with whatever gets put my way, but this just seems impossible to get out of. My partner was only 28 & im 26, I feel we have both been robbed
Hi everyone, I lost my fiancé
Hi honey, i can say that what you are feeling is totally normal. I lost my husband a few months ago, no family or children, but we have dogs. And i can honestly say, if it weren’t for them i would have ended it. I was terrified of what would happen to them, they were my only concern. They have dragged me through to where i am today, 6mths on, and slowly accepting, and, accepting that i will go on, with our beloved dogs, he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. He was so scared i wouldn’t be able to cope with losing him, and i didn’t think i could, but i see now that i am. You can too, it’s early days, and still so very brutal and raw, but just one day, one step, at a time dear
Thank you for taking the time to comment💕
The animals have always got me through rough things in life& are the only reason I’m trying to push on. Everyone around me is saying things will get better, but it’s hard to believe as nobody around me has gone through it. People are telling me to speak to the doctor but I seem to be good at painting on a brave face. It feels better to be open on here & know others have had these feelings. Thank you xx
I’m glad you are starting to feel stronger, I hope it continues for you xx
@Tianastinkerbell Yes, I totally understand what you are saying. On the night of Tuesday 28th November I sat at home wailing and crying. I was in so much pain and had been since my husband passed suddenly and unexpectedly on 7th November. I couldn’t see an end to the pain. Everyone was concerned that I would ‘try something’ but I said (and meant it) that I wanted to, but that I wouldn’t because I only wanted to be with him - and if I did that, then I might not be with him. However, that Tuesday night I was in so much pain that I honestly didn’t care - I just wanted it to stop.
Our dog literally saved my life. He came up to me and he was nuzzling my face and licking my tears away and I realised that I couldn’t do that to him. He’d already lost his daddy (and he is grieving for him) - I couldn’t put him through losing his mummy too. I picked up my phone and was going to phone Samaritans but I ended up messaging a friend and we had a small WhatsApp conversation - I didn’t feel so alone anymore.
I believe that night I hit rock-bottom. I bounced back up and I am having waves of grief, sadness, loneliness, tears, etc but I’ve (so far) not gone back ‘there’ again.
Have you spoken to your GP about a short course of antidepressants to help to ‘take the edge off’ so that you can manage better without the pain being so all-consuming? Also grief counselling to help you to process your thoughts and emotions?
And never forget that we are all here for you and we all understand - because we’re all in this together.
You can do this honey, promise
That’s the truth, our beloved furry families are grieving too, they are strong for us, and we need to be strong for them
Thank you for your reply, I’m sorry you have been feeling this way too.
I have smiled a few times since he’s gone, only if I’m thinking of a memory or my little dog has come cwtched up to me or if I’m taking her for a walk. She really is keeping me going, I’ve got horses too so I really have to get myself out twice a day to tend to them, which is good really to get me going. My mum said about counselling, I just haven’t been ready to speak to someone because when I try I just end up an emotional wreck & can’t even get words out. I think this is the first step which seems easier to do, just writing it down. I don’t know why but I can’t look people in the eyes anymore & the kinder people are to me the more upset I get! Even writing this has lifted a weight off my shoulders. Knowing people agve felt this way as well & that it’s ‘normal’
Thank you so much
Hi, I am so sorry to see you here on this forum because it means that like the rest of us you are suffering the loss of the one person on this whole planet that you love and live for.
The answer to your question about what is normal or not is a very complex one in that nothing and everything is normal,what you feel to be abnormal others might agree with and I might not. Don’t focus so much on the question of normalacy and just focus on the here and now,of course people will say that it gets better because we all want to help and in most cases it does,however it’s a long journey and feeling better today can change tomorrow in a flash.
In the early days I was literally two steps away from walking into the sea,I’m still in the early stages of bereavement at almost six months but I look back and wonder how I could have even considered it … while fully accepting it was the intense pain of those early days and weeks of missing my wife the one person who made my life mean something that pushed me into that way of thinking,I couldn’t see forward or life without Jacky.
I still feel desperate at times such as today when we had our Friday morning routine while the cleaner did the house,I have just arrived home feeling devastated and crying like a child. This will happen for you too and yes it is quite normal amongst all those things that feel abnormal.
We all cope in our own ways,I seriously considered the gp route and medication but decided against it simply because I personally feel that if I did then at some point the reality would hit home and I would still need to face it. I’m not feeling strong in any way but I just know that I have to live with the pain,however intense,and somehow get through it. I would add that antidepressants can and do work for some people so I’m not suggesting one route or the other for you,I’m simply commenting on my choice.
I don’t have a dog or close family,or anyone to call a close friend because all I ever needed in my life was my wife but if you have then you must lean on them for a while until you feel stronger,don’t worry about how you will feel tomorrow or if something is normal or not,don’t focus on the future or even think of Xmas without your loved one,just live a minute,hour at a time and use any support that you can find.
I hope beyond hope that people on here will help you,read their stories and pretty soon I think you will find this forum a great help. Take care and stay safe. x
Thank you, I can feel your pain reading your message. Having someone so special in your life is hard to put into words. We can all love but having a soulmate is another level (I think).
My fiancé is everything to me & such a support, so not having him here through the worst part of my life is why I think I feel so lonely & shit off from everyone else. Because the one person I want isn’t here anymore.
Hard to put into words fully.
For me as well I don’t think antidepressants would be right for me, I’ve read up & think all these emotions will just come back to bite me in a few months, or whenever I stopped taking them.
My fiancé was also crazy healthy he wouldn’t think of putting a tablet in his body, he thought a glass of water & a lie down would solve any headache, ill was etc lol. I’ve kind of turned into the same, so in a weird way trying to not turn to that makes me feel better because I know that would make him proud.
I could easily drink a bottle of wine but I havent since he’s gone because even that I know he would be rolling his eyes at me (in a joking way) but still, in a way I want to try getting through this to make him proud, but at the same time joining him seems a lot better idea at the minute.
Thank you for your reply, you are all really kind it means a lot xx
I agree with @miker in that I just had to keep looking at the next 5 minutes - anything more than that and I couldn’t cope. I’d fall apart and then pull myself back to ‘the next 5 minutes’.
@Tianastinkerbell oh yes my love . I had a sudden lose of my soulmate in may and I wanted to join him . I didn’t because I have family . The only way I pulled myself up was keeping busy . I did every call and visit to change everything to my name . I hope these feelings go if not please seek help from your gp . Xx
Just reading your reply tells me you are going to be okay,it will hurt and take time but you will get there.
It’s reassuring to know I’m not the only one who has felt this way so thank you so much
@Tianastinkerbell you most certainly aren’t alone my love . It’s the magnitude of loss . The knot in my stomach didn’t settle for months . I except he is gone . Now I am not afraid of death as I was before this all . I know I will run straight to his loving arms
I admire your strength & you put that in such a lovely way, if there can be a lovely way. Thank you for the support I’m so glad I’ve joined this xx
@Tianastinkerbell O sweetheart my heart goes out to you. Hold on tò your animals they will get you through this. They need us and grieve too. You are so young to have to endure this pain. God knows its hard enough at my age. Take each day hour by hour. This is possibly the worst time of year to be going through this. You are allowed to smile amd laugh. I know what you mean about other people. Sometimes the tears dont stop when someone is kind . Is this normal ? I have no idea. Its my normal I know that much. Take care xx
@Tianastinkerbell i am so sorry to read your story of the loss of your partner. So very young. I suddenly and unexpectedly lost my husband just over eleven months ago a week before Christmas. I remember those first few weeks being in shock and numb. I didn’t want to live without my husband either but had no choice because of my son and I thought that my husband would be so angry with me if I went as he didn’t get a choice. Life is definitely unfair and cruel and yes our lives and future dreams have been robbed. I was advised to live one hour at a time and not to look into the future as the future isn’t here yet and we can’t control the future like we couldn’t control the past. Eleven months on isn’t as raw as the beginning though I think about and miss my husband all the time. I have a good cry and scream which doesn’t last as long as the beginning and seems to release some of my emotions. I am struggling with the first anniversary coming up. I keep myself busy which is a good distraction and filling my time. I had some counselling at the beginning as I felt so guilty not noticing that my husband had lost weight and was so ill. I was told that guilt is part of grief. You are going to feel so many emotions but coming on here and reaching out you have people who will understand and will support you.
Take care and big hugs xx
It’s just nkt something either of us would ever of of expected, I was actually at a wedding fair the day he passed away, we had so many plans , a list of baby names all sorts. & he has lost his life at the hands of someone else, so much sadness to it. I’m so sad that he can’t enjoy everyone he wanted to, with a family of his own.
Have already decided I’m not doing Christmas, although I’m doing presents for our little dog she loves ripping the wrapping paper so that will make me smile! It’s really sad that so many people have been through simila. Lots of love to you xx
I’m so sorry this has happened to you also. I hope everything goes as well as it can on your anniversary. I hope you have a nice plan for that day? Xx