Welcome to the Online Community. I am so sorry to hear about your dad’s death, and everything that you’ve been through since.
It sounds as though you have been doing your best to support your mother for a long time, but she is being a very negative influence in your life. You mention that she asked used to ask you for money even before your father’s death. Do her problems with depression and alcohol go back further as well?
As you say, your mother is grieving, but that does not give her the right to be verbally abusive, or to take advantage of you financially. I am not an expert and obviously I don’t know you or your mum, but perhaps you need to consider setting some more boundaries or getting a bit more distance from her?
Of course, that is probably easier said than done, and it sounds as though you could really benefit from some more support.
I would really recommend speaking to your GP to see if they can refer you to any counselling or support for yourself.
I’m glad that you’ve found this site and I hope it helps to have an outlet. You are very welcome to post here if you find that it helps you.
Because this site offers support with terminal illness, and end of life care, as well as bereavement, you may find that most of our members have experience in those areas more than with bereavement by suicide. However, they do know about grief and about the impact that it can have on families.
There are some other great organisations that could be worth checking out as well:
Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide: http://uk-sobs.org.uk/, helpline 0300 111 5065
Mind (mental health support, including advice if you are supporting someone with mental health issues): http://www.mind.org.uk/, helpline 0300 123 3393 or email@example.com
Let us know how you get on.