Hello, I lost by boyfriend of 3 years 8 days ago. Before he died we had an argument so for the last week he was alive I didn’t speak to him (we didn’t live together) but he was always at my house. I told him I just needed abit of space to clear my head. On the day he died I’d decided I wanted our relationship to work and I was going to message him, but he collapsed and died before I got the chance.
This past week has been pure hell, I wasted his last week on earth with a stupid argument. The last time I saw him alive was on my birthday, I didn’t even take my birthday present off him. It was our 3 year anniversary yesterday as well.
I’m just numb, empty and feel so useless. I can’t go home as everything reminds me of him. I loved him so much. I’m so angry at myself…why did we argue!! Wed said some awful things to each other.
I never told him all the things I wanted to tell him. I should have just picked up the phone and called him. He was trying to reach out to me but I ignored his messages.
I just can’t believe this is happening, I miss him so much and I truly loved him, he was a wonderful man, I’m utterly heartbroken 
Hi @NotRelevant I’m so so sorry to read this. I’m sure everyone is telling you not to blame yourself. Everyone keeps telling me that I did what I thought was right at the time, and I take a little bit of comfort in that, but it still doesn’t change the fact that I could have seen him alive and had a nice conversation with him rather than shouting at each other. I’m so stubborn…why didn’t I just reply to his last messages.
We argued on my birthday about a recurring situation. Wed agreed that 2025 we were gonna put it all behind us and start afresh, but we were drinking and he said something and I flipped, I didn’t even sleep in the same bed as him. He tried speaking to me the next day and it all blew up. I ended up leaving. When I was in my car waiting for it to defrost he came out and said…come inside, I want to go out for breakfast with you…to which I replied…no, we both deserve better…
And now my heart is breaking
That decision not to go back in to his house will haunt me forever
We’ve both reacted to a situation where we thought we were doing the right thing…even in anger. Neither of us knew what was going to happen next
I think arguments in relationships are normal. If you know anyone for any length of time, there will be differences of opinion and sometimes arguments. It’ s how we iron things out. I don’t think there’s any blame because this is how humans operate. We are just doing the best we can at any given time. I hope you find forgiveness and peace for yourself.