Hello, I lost by boyfriend of 3 years 8 days ago. Before he died we had an argument so for the last week he was alive I didn’t speak to him (we didn’t live together) but he was always at my house. I told him I just needed abit of space to clear my head. On the day he died I’d decided I wanted our relationship to work and I was going to message him, but he collapsed and died before I got the chance.
This past week has been pure hell, I wasted his last week on earth with a stupid argument. The last time I saw him alive was on my birthday, I didn’t even take my birthday present off him. It was our 3 year anniversary yesterday as well.
I’m just numb, empty and feel so useless. I can’t go home as everything reminds me of him. I loved him so much. I’m so angry at myself…why did we argue!! Wed said some awful things to each other.
I never told him all the things I wanted to tell him. I should have just picked up the phone and called him. He was trying to reach out to me but I ignored his messages.
I just can’t believe this is happening, I miss him so much and I truly loved him, he was a wonderful man, I’m utterly heartbroken 
Hi @Terrybird, my beautiful partner Blaise died last month on the 27th, we had argued on the phone, I said some horrible things, I told him I was going to burn his belongings including the photos of him with his late father, I was angry at him, and I wanted him to realise how much he had hurt me, but I never expected him to believe me, I hung up and turned of my phone, I later tried to call him but he was not answering.
The next day, the police called me and told me he was dead, he had taken his own life. I now have to live with what I said, I don’t know if I can. You say you are angry at yourself, but arguments happen, and he would not want you to feel guilt. I loved my Blaise more than anything, but what I said was unforgivable, the only thing I can do is look after his poor mom. Your situation is very different to mine however so grieve, and let the anger you have with yourself go.
Take care, xx
Hi @JonnyBadger I’m so so sorry to read this. I’m sure everyone is telling you not to blame yourself. Everyone keeps telling me that I did what I thought was right at the time, and I take a little bit of comfort in that, but it still doesn’t change the fact that I could have seen him alive and had a nice conversation with him rather than shouting at each other. I’m so stubborn…why didn’t I just reply to his last messages.
We argued on my birthday about a recurring situation. Wed agreed that 2025 we were gonna put it all behind us and start afresh, but we were drinking and he said something and I flipped, I didn’t even sleep in the same bed as him. He tried speaking to me the next day and it all blew up. I ended up leaving. When I was in my car waiting for it to defrost he came out and said…come inside, I want to go out for breakfast with you…to which I replied…no, we both deserve better…
And now my heart is breaking
That decision not to go back in to his house will haunt me forever
We’ve both reacted to a situation where we thought we were doing the right thing…even in anger. Neither of us knew what was going to happen next
I think arguments in relationships are normal. If you know anyone for any length of time, there will be differences of opinion and sometimes arguments. It’ s how we iron things out. I don’t think there’s any blame because this is how humans operate. We are just doing the best we can at any given time. I hope you find forgiveness and peace for yourself.