Hello, I lost by boyfriend of 3 years 8 days ago. Before he died we had an argument so for the last week he was alive I didn’t speak to him (we didn’t live together) but he was always at my house. I told him I just needed abit of space to clear my head. On the day he died I’d decided I wanted our relationship to work and I was going to message him, but he collapsed and died before I got the chance.
This past week has been pure hell, I wasted his last week on earth with a stupid argument. The last time I saw him alive was on my birthday, I didn’t even take my birthday present off him. It was our 3 year anniversary yesterday as well.
I’m just numb, empty and feel so useless. I can’t go home as everything reminds me of him. I loved him so much. I’m so angry at myself…why did we argue!! Wed said some awful things to each other.
I never told him all the things I wanted to tell him. I should have just picked up the phone and called him. He was trying to reach out to me but I ignored his messages.
I just can’t believe this is happening, I miss him so much and I truly loved him, he was a wonderful man, I’m utterly heartbroken 
Hi @NotRelevant I’m so so sorry to read this. I’m sure everyone is telling you not to blame yourself. Everyone keeps telling me that I did what I thought was right at the time, and I take a little bit of comfort in that, but it still doesn’t change the fact that I could have seen him alive and had a nice conversation with him rather than shouting at each other. I’m so stubborn…why didn’t I just reply to his last messages.
We argued on my birthday about a recurring situation. Wed agreed that 2025 we were gonna put it all behind us and start afresh, but we were drinking and he said something and I flipped, I didn’t even sleep in the same bed as him. He tried speaking to me the next day and it all blew up. I ended up leaving. When I was in my car waiting for it to defrost he came out and said…come inside, I want to go out for breakfast with you…to which I replied…no, we both deserve better…
And now my heart is breaking
That decision not to go back in to his house will haunt me forever
We’ve both reacted to a situation where we thought we were doing the right thing…even in anger. Neither of us knew what was going to happen next
I think arguments in relationships are normal. If you know anyone for any length of time, there will be differences of opinion and sometimes arguments. It’ s how we iron things out. I don’t think there’s any blame because this is how humans operate. We are just doing the best we can at any given time. I hope you find forgiveness and peace for yourself.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. How did your BF pass? How old?
I e been married 31 years. The one thing that kept us together is that we agreed at the very beginning that we would never be mad at each other at bedtime. All arguments had to be settled before going to bed, even if it means talking it out real late, no matter what. The reason is while you’re lying g there trying to sleep, resentment stews.
The other thing is we agreed to never call each other names. I never called her a “bitch”, she never called me a “jerk”, ahole or anything like that.
While she might say something like “you’re acting selfish right now”, she never called me a selfish person.
Men, like to be respected. When men feel like they’ve lost the respect of their partner, it’s over.
There’s nothing you can do right now from your past, except learn. Don’t give your new partner the silent treatment overnight and definitely for not a length of time. When you get a new partner, lay down these rules early on. If he breaks them, he’s not worth having you. If he does something that’s hard to forgive, like hit you, push you, cheat, call you names, etc. it’s unforgivable and you should move on.